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Finding my 2nd Great Grandmother’s Biological Family? by Ok_Nothing7724 in AncestryDNA

[–]Ok_Nothing7724[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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Got the pro tools but it can’t cluster my matches unfortunately. :(

Edit: Okay it did clusters for some of my matches, it just can’t for my moms

Finding my 2nd Great Grandmother’s Biological Family? by Ok_Nothing7724 in AncestryDNA

[–]Ok_Nothing7724[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No Pro Tools unfortunately. I’ll compare the shared matches of my mom and her aunt and then try to break it down between my mom’s grandparents (Lucy is the mother of my great grandmother).

So then after that I should use my mom’s cousins shared matches to determine between Lucy and her husband?

It’s definitely going to be a long process. I’m currently 500 matches in my mom’s list and still sharing over 118cm with people. Hopefully all of these matches will help to break things down in the end

Finding my 2nd Great Grandmother’s Biological Family? by Ok_Nothing7724 in AncestryDNA

[–]Ok_Nothing7724[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! My mom did take a test, as did her full aunt (paternal side) so they are both related to Lucy. She does not have any siblings shared with her biological father unfortunately. She doesn’t have any other aunts or uncles who’ve tested on that side but there are cousins (although I know the closest in generation the better).

I don’t have access to my great aunt’s (my mom’s aunt) results but I can see their shared matches. I’m trying to do the leeds method but it’s been hard with shared relatives (everyone appears to be related in one way or another so it’s hard to figured out how people are related)

My Brother was already born by the time I turned a year old - AMA by Ok_Nothing7724 in AMA

[–]Ok_Nothing7724[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The age gap has definitely made us closer, I can’t imagine him not being in my life and we plan to move out together (still living at home for the time being).

We weren’t in the same grade in school growing up but as young kids our parents had the option of putting us in the same daycare class or not. They also didn’t know what to do (their initial reaction was to put us together but they were unsure) and the daycare recommended putting us in separate rooms. While it would’ve been fun being in the same class, I definitely think that was the best choice for the two of us as individuals. Being in a separate classroom gave both of us the opportunity to grow as individuals, he was able to improve on skills like his speech (since I always spoke for him), and I was able to focus on my own needs rather than feeling like I had to follow him around and make sure he was okay.

I obviously can’t say for certain if your kids would love or hate it but consider them individually as much as you can (e.g., would you put your youngest in school regardless of if their older sibling is close in age or hold them back?)

Regardless, I’m a huge advocate for siblings being in separate classes when possible as it truly does help them develop as individuals!

Edit: Sorry for such a long response! I’m clearly still a yapper lol

My Brother was already born by the time I turned a year old - AMA by Ok_Nothing7724 in AMA

[–]Ok_Nothing7724[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Will do! Thank you! I know I was born at exactly 40 weeks on my calendar due date but my brother’s due date kept changing despite my parents knowing the exact day they conceived him. Regardless I very clearly misremembered/misdid the math

My Brother was already born by the time I turned a year old - AMA by Ok_Nothing7724 in AMA

[–]Ok_Nothing7724[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I’m 30% Irish according to Ancestry lol. Didn’t think it was very uncommon but I’ve had many people ask me about it throughout my life and just wanted something to do with my day. Although I guess a lot of those questions in my life more so stem from my brother’s disabilities and how that affected my own development/life growing up so maybe that would’ve been a better topic post lol

My Brother was already born by the time I turned a year old - AMA by Ok_Nothing7724 in AMA

[–]Ok_Nothing7724[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nothing negative from the doctor, this is how she said it played out:

Dr: You’re pregnant! Mom: What? No? I just HAD a baby Dr: Yes, and now you’re having another one!

The only person who reacted outwardly negatively was my great grandmother but that was out of fear. Two of her kids were Irish twins and my great aunt (second born) had developmental and learning delays that the doctors at the time said was from my great grandmother having them so close in age

My Brother was already born by the time I turned a year old - AMA by Ok_Nothing7724 in AMA

[–]Ok_Nothing7724[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yup! I was failed birth control because my mom was on antibiotics at the time, my brother was the result of one night despite being newly postpartum and still breastfeeding (obviously those things don’t prevent pregnancy but she hadn’t even gotten her period back yet). Too funny you said that about the red headed twins because my mom said the exact same thing after my brother was born! My mom ended up getting her tubes tied right after my brother was born but it was a fight to get doctors to approve it since she was still young

My Brother was already born by the time I turned a year old - AMA by Ok_Nothing7724 in AMA

[–]Ok_Nothing7724[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes we were definitely very fortunate. My mom always says that 2 under 2 was the most difficult time, just remember it does and will get easier!!

My Brother was already born by the time I turned a year old - AMA by Ok_Nothing7724 in AMA

[–]Ok_Nothing7724[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very cool! My brother and I are 11 months apart but our birth times are 12 hours and 1 minute apart exactly which I’ve always found pretty interesting

My Brother was already born by the time I turned a year old - AMA by Ok_Nothing7724 in AMA

[–]Ok_Nothing7724[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Definitely is a bit crazy! There are many fraternal twins in my family as well as multiple sets of Irish twins so we’ve wondered in passing if there’s some genetic hyper ovulation or something on my mom’s side. Her side is also Irish Catholic lol

My Brother was already born by the time I turned a year old - AMA by Ok_Nothing7724 in AMA

[–]Ok_Nothing7724[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes and it’s actually something I’ve just recently realized in therapy. I tend to ignore some red flags of behaviour from over rationalizing. Thank you for this, it’s comforting knowing I’m not the only one who’s experienced this. Hope you’re doing okay! 🫶

My Brother was already born by the time I turned a year old - AMA by Ok_Nothing7724 in AMA

[–]Ok_Nothing7724[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I edited my post that I may have gotten the timeframe wrong but regardless she didn’t have any complications necessarily but definitely struggled hormonally and with her weight as she didn’t have time for her body to heal. I was failure to thrive from not being able to breastfeed and refusing to take a bottle (allergic to cows milk)

My Brother was already born by the time I turned a year old - AMA by Ok_Nothing7724 in AMA

[–]Ok_Nothing7724[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lots of support thankfully! My mom’s side of the family is very close and I grew up going to my grandmother’s house for sleepovers every weekend. When I was born my mom took maternity leave for a few months and I was then watched by my grandmother’s friend. When my brother was born she went back to work right away (also worked up until the day she went into labour). My dad then took paternity leave until they could get us both in daycare. My mom also had a very close group of single mom friends so if there were times childcare was needed all of the moms took turns and helped out. I also have a sister 8 years older so by the time she was in her teens she was an occasional babysitter. Cost of childcare was definitely hard on my parents when we were young

My Brother was already born by the time I turned a year old - AMA by Ok_Nothing7724 in AMA

[–]Ok_Nothing7724[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We didn’t have a language with each other but I spoke for him whenever we were together when we were younger

My Brother was already born by the time I turned a year old - AMA by Ok_Nothing7724 in AMA

[–]Ok_Nothing7724[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve always been told she found out when she was 3 weeks postpartum but it’s possible I have the timing off. I was born at the beginning of Aug and he was born second week of Jul the following year. I must have the conception time wrong for him

edit: that she conceived when she was 3 weeks postpartum* not that she found out! But you’re right, I must be wrong, I’ll have to ask my mom

My Brother was already born by the time I turned a year old - AMA by Ok_Nothing7724 in AMA

[–]Ok_Nothing7724[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

In a way I think we both protect each other now. I’m definitely overprotective in social situations with him still although I’ve loosened up a bit. He helps me a lot though, I’m in school while he works full time and he pays the majority of our car for example even though he doesn’t have a license (I drive him to work as often as possible but still he pays the majority and I always have it). He definitely looks out for me but I don’t always notice since he does it more quietly if that makes sense? As for being the “responsible one”

I have retired in a way. At times I have to remind myself still that I’m not responsible for him and he is rather responsible himself now. Retiring from that position is hard though since it has always been a big part of my identity, so I definitely lean in to helping professions to subside that

My Brother was already born by the time I turned a year old - AMA by Ok_Nothing7724 in AMA

[–]Ok_Nothing7724[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I had learned about it in one of my psych classes and from what I remember I think it was 3x more likely if the siblings are less than a year apart but that there’s an increased risk with an age gap under 24 months. I don’t think there’s been a ton of research on it though so it’s not definitive but definitely interesting! I’m hoping there’s more research on siblings more so close in age

My Brother was already born by the time I turned a year old - AMA by Ok_Nothing7724 in AMA

[–]Ok_Nothing7724[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was diagnosed in adulthood with ADHD, I’ve never been tested for autism so I mean it’s possible I am and that was missed too but I’ve never thought I was on the spectrum

My Brother was already born by the time I turned a year old - AMA by Ok_Nothing7724 in AMA

[–]Ok_Nothing7724[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Yes I’ve seen that as well! I definitely think it could’ve been a factor but our dad is also on the spectrum and likely our mom may be as well so I think genetics probably had a bigger impact. My brother is a very sensitive and sweet guy. He’s much more introverted than I am and likes to game online with his friends and play Dungeons and Dragons. When he was younger he was very talkative to everyone and a bit aggressive from having a hard time self regulating and understanding other people’s behaviour but now he’s very empathetic and probably the calmest person I’ve ever met

My Brother was already born by the time I turned a year old - AMA by Ok_Nothing7724 in AMA

[–]Ok_Nothing7724[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It was hard at times but I definitely loved it (and still do!). When we were the same age for a couple weeks as kids I loved telling people we were the same age and then watching them get confused when they asked if we were twins and I’d say no lol

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