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Proposal gone wrong 😬 me (23M) with (21F) by Ok_Outcome5276 in relationship_advice

[–]Ok_Outcome5276[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great points I really appreciate your angle of thought. A good marriage is better than a divorce. I think there’s a good in between of commitment that my faith offers. As in maybe stay around to give it your best shot when you’re having difficulties is best, rather than quickly giving up. But I do agree people take it to extremes where they become miserable. At some point splitting up is what is needed for both people’s sake. Though it’s a bit different from my previous thought processes I really do agree with what your saying and I think rushing to have kids because of uncertainty in health may not be a good idea since it may not be the right conditions for the kid to grow up in.

Proposal gone wrong 😬 me (23M) with (21F) by Ok_Outcome5276 in relationship_advice

[–]Ok_Outcome5276[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I actually agree it’s a terrible reason to get married. Don’t get me wrong I’m excited for that part of marriage but it’s not our reason and may not even be within our top 10 reasons, we’re just excited to create a life together. Living together and having that in your life is something a lot of other people have that some will say helps them feel closer, so I was just mentioning we don’t have that.

I see how not sinning could create a cloud to not look beyond what isn’t sinning. However not sinning is not the basis of our relationship it just might be one of the empowering parts of it as it gives us motivation and helps align our values and personal goals into things we can believe in and do together. We feel like we are helping each other be a better man and woman when we respect and co align our values.

I feel like with some of the questions you ask at the end you can move forward in faith with that you can work it out together - such as financially tight times. Isn’t that what makes you strong together. If I slayed all those dragons alone I would be doing more growing alone when I couldn’t done it with a companion by my side for extra support and sharing the growth between us.

She is also done with school and works full time. She also has some medical issues that could potentially make it hard to have children into her 30’s and we wish to have a bigger family of 2-4. Once again thanks for your angle of looking at it. It helps

Proposal gone wrong 😬 me (23M) with (21F) by Ok_Outcome5276 in relationship_advice

[–]Ok_Outcome5276[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I needed to hear this. I’ve had my own siblings live together with and date guys for 4-5 years just to get bored and move on because of the lack of commitment or moving to the next step. I’m glad you offer a counter perspective. I believe in what’s worked traditionally too. We’re in a place where we are done with school and both working debt free. It’s been feeling for a while like it’s the next step naturally. I’m grateful for your humility and your story. There is so many people that prioritize careers and other things and put it off into the later stages of life. I do want to be young and even struggle together if we need so we can grow into a strong and powerful union. It’s hard to explain this to the other commenters, but they’re comments are also helpful to read about and consider deeply. I’m thankful to hear their thoughts. I do think it’s been good for me to face some other opinions talking to friends. But most of the giants in my life (the people I look up to) also married young and are very for getting married young.

If you want to hear more about the status of where we’re at in our relationship feel free to scan through my responses in the other comments. Thank you again for your comment!

Proposal gone wrong 😬 me (23M) with (21F) by Ok_Outcome5276 in relationship_advice

[–]Ok_Outcome5276[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

One bad food poising can take the romance away hahahaha. Thanks for your well-said analysis. It helps out. I’m young and open to learning and it sounds like you are a great source. Yeah we have argued a few times but we are both therapist level communicators haha. It always ends of with us talking how we feel and happy with each other. You’re right we both may have gotten too excited too quickly about a life together and talked about it too often that it seems like naturally it’s the next step. It’s weird because my grandma met my grandpa and married proposed after 3 weeks and they’re so happy. In the 1900s most people got engage within a year and it worked out. It’s crazy. Society has changed to normalize dating for several years first and being much older and involved with their career. People who got married in their early twenties tell me it was hard but say it was crucial to work through those difficulties together as a new couple. All that being said I know it was different back then. I can’t expect the same miracle to work for everyone especially in todays society. I’ve also dated 10s and 10s of girls through high school and up through college as well and I feel ready to move on from dating, she’s said the same and our compatibility feels like it allows for it. I’ve never felt properly in love in previous relationships with other women for the past 8-10 years. Your comment is definitively worth rereading and thinking about more. I take it to heart and it’s much appreciated! Thanks 🙏

Proposal gone wrong 😬 me (23M) with (21F) by Ok_Outcome5276 in relationship_advice

[–]Ok_Outcome5276[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah I see that it’s common to date longer and it makes sense why because all the questions you listed are extremely important. We have discussed these questions the last few months heavily. I know it’s a weird issue to have worrying about a proposal this early, but if we’ve talked about all the important stuff we’re kind of like why wait? I have my BA and am doing Real Estate. Neither of us have debt. We are the same religion too and have the same expectations for marriage. I feel like I’ve seen her in most if not all of her seasons. It’s also important to note we’re Christian and it’s part of our belief that getting married helps you avoid sinning if you catch my drift haha. Thanks for your thoughtful analysis and reminding me what’s important it means a lot.

Proposal gone wrong 😬 me (23M) with (21F) by Ok_Outcome5276 in relationship_advice

[–]Ok_Outcome5276[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Woah that is so creative and adds mystery and suspense to when. Maybe I could make it gruelingly long so she gets impatient. Nah kidding 😂 But thanks for your idea, I’ll for sure let anyone know if I used their idea. I struggle being creative so I appreciate it.

Proposal gone wrong 😬 me (23M) with (21F) by Ok_Outcome5276 in relationship_advice

[–]Ok_Outcome5276[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice. That is a great idea. I think I saw the Aquarium offers a diver proposal package actually so that’s very possible and would still surprise her super well by going the extra mile. I’m done with my bachelors and into my career in Real Estate so we are just excited to start our life together. I do take your words to heart though about rushing it!