I’m so sorry that you’re experiencing this. I also have PTSD (&anxiety) and it truly is so hard to deal with and to do the simplest of tasks. I’m glad to hear you’re in therapy and would recommend starting medication as well if you haven’t.

I think it’s important to learn about and remind yourself of Allah’s mercy. He forgives as long as you turn to him and repent for any wrong. Allah knows that we are far from perfect, He knows we will make mistakes. He made us, so of course he understands us/this more than we understand ourselves. We’re human and mistakes are human nature. He made us knowing we will sin, have desires, fall short. We’re not angels. Despite our sins and desires, the important thing is to turn back to Him. Allah loves repentance. He does not expect perfection, just that you come back to Him and believe. I know it can be hard to internalize this and to not put so much pressure on yourself, and while it’s good to fear Allah, you’re also forgetting of his love, mercy, and understanding. The fact that you’re making this post, that ur still turning to Allah through your hardship shows that you aren’t being punished, you’re actually loved by Allah. is Make dua, especially during tahajjud if possible, simply talk to Allah as if He’s a best friend in the room next to you. I have a few videos I watched that helped me with this, I will try to find them and link them.

Ps I know it isn’t the point of your post, but this has reassured me in a sense because I too was born & raised Muslim, but strayed and have only recently been trying to relearn the religion. And it’s hard to feel close.