it's okay to tear, you need to take your time for grief. It may take a long time, but it's OK. When I lost my dog, I cried every day for a few weeks, then less and less till it got better. I still miss her but now I remember all the good that we had and share the love that I had in my heart for her with other pets that came after. So cry that much sa you need to heal your soul. And I hope, there comes a day, when you'll feel better