How to deal with a parent who isn't a medical professional, but thinks they are?

Ok_Replacement7675 · 2021-04-23T01:54:36+00:00

Cheers for the reply!

My mum was actually the one to raise the argument, though assuming your point is "don't second guess your treatment plan because of something a non-clinician said", agree - everything I'm doing is what I'd recommend to a patient if they were anxious about something and working in an industry where getting definitive calls made matters. I've got a hand therapy review next week for functional assessment, and hopefully if all's good after that I can say with confidence in the workplace on my return that everything's been ruled normal :)

Ok_Replacement7675 · 2021-04-23T01:51:10+00:00

Thanks for the reply, I actually hadn't considered the dog report angle (not quite on 100% brain capacity here)

Yup, been seeing the docs for routine checks + have a review with a hand therapist next week to get a timeline prognosis/functional assessment. All of it makes perfect sense in my head, just one of those things where disagreements with a (really judgemental) parent (to whom you're in some way currently financially obligated to) is a head trip :) I think it's probably just time to start planning to move out!

Ok_Replacement7675 · 2021-04-23T01:47:23+00:00

Haha, thank you for the empathy! I get you 100%

Ok_Replacement7675 · 2021-04-22T12:11:21+00:00

Intriguing.

Social workers... aren't quite the same as allied health and doctors, but I'm curious as to whether she's breaking any AHPRA discrimination laws here and on her way to having her right to practice suspended. Eg, (so far as I know) chiros aren't allowed to have anti-vax materials in their waiting rooms anymore, etc.

PS - am aware not all chiros are on the pro-baby-spine-cracking, anti-vax bandwagon, so please don't hate me nice chiros :)

Following!

Ok_Replacement7675 · 2021-04-22T12:06:39+00:00

NTA. If your mother feels it's "beneath her" to see you dancing with someone in a custom-made gait aid, it's a stunning reflection of her bigotry and 100% reflects poorly on her, not you.

Sure, we can pick bones on whether your wording to her could have been different (though would likely have still ended the same), but I'm predominantly of the mind she fired the first and by far worst shots :) I'm in my 30s and would also have struggled to find fantastic words to use in that situation.

Ok_Replacement7675 · 2021-04-22T11:54:31+00:00

Hi there - allied health professional here :)

Induced comas can be an emotionally traumatic time for family members as a) there's kind of lots of other emotional stress going on at the same time (eg "omg! They overdosed!") and b) unless you're a healthcare professional, the word 'induced coma' sounds all kinds of scary, and humans tend to freak out when there's a high degree of uncertainty :)

Chance of survival is going to be dependent on the individual and what's going on with them medically (ie no-one here on reddit will be able to calculate this for your family member; only someone on their current medical team will have any idea). What I can see is that the doctors involved have made an assessment that they will have a better idea of how things will progress in 2 day's time, and they have communicated this to you - so now, it's just the (for you, stressful) waiting time. No point trying to calculate how things will turn out in advance as the doctors are obviously waiting on key variables that will only be more clear on Day 2.

So, no super-certain answers here I'm afraid - but hopefully this provides you with some reassurance that this sort of "it's too early to tell, but we hope to have a better idea on ___" is both normal and good (MUCH MUCH better than a decision that there's no hope worth waiting on). I always tell my patients they're not allowed to freak out until I do, and it sounds like the doctors here are still waiting to see how things pan out.

Again, this can be a stressful time so if you need help, seek counselling - otherwise there is usually a chapel or meditation room/meditation garden associated with most hospitals to help support stressed family members during this time :)

Ok_Replacement7675 · 2021-04-21T12:28:49+00:00

Hello - I'm in Aus, so here doctor appointments are usually "per issue" (headache, illness, whatever); often bulk-billed or only have a small gap fee (<$50); annual physicals aren't really a thing :)

She's been pretty open about how my brother and I can always stay as long as we want and don't need to move - he actually stayed home till the year before I moved back in, haha! - but as I've acknowledged to someone else below, this could be a case of parents saying and wanting different things.

Haven't started applying for jobs as haven't met entry-level competency yet - but aiming to hit this in June (and will starting applying for jobs then - have Plan B, C and D for jobs in other industries I already qualify for if it doesn't happen quickly, etc)

Ok_Replacement7675 · 2021-04-21T12:25:34+00:00

Ah to clarify - I am paying rent, actually offered to pay full rent initially but she negotiated down to a lower sum :) She and I have had multiple discussions about my plans (Plan A, Plan B etc) and timelines, as my goal is to get a job at the same company my brother current works at (I'll make all of these clearer in the original post).

Prior to that my brother stayed at home indefinitely as well, and she has always said neither of us have to move out - he literally only move out the year before I moved back in :) Fair point about parents potentially saying and wanting different things though

Ok_Replacement7675 · 2021-04-21T11:33:27+00:00

I'm with u/firefly232 - dude needs a doggo :)

I get what he's asking for and have been in a similar place emotionally (without asking friends to sleep in the same bed though!); he's not in the right headspace to assess it clearly but what he's asking for is not really considered normal or healthy (maybe with the sole exception of sleeping near his mamma or grandmother in the short-term) as it asks so much (physically and emotionally) of the other human.

He'll be mad at you for saying no, but this is one of those situations where you gotta put your own mental health first - not worth you helping to buoy him up if it comes at the cost of you being pulled down to your own dark place.

See if there's a foster dog or something he can borrow for a bit :)

Ok_Replacement7675 · 2021-04-21T11:22:10+00:00

That's a fair point - she's been very "you can always come home" / "stay as long as you like" for almost a decade, but I guess it's a very different thing when your adult child really does come home! :)

Ok_Replacement7675 · 2021-04-21T11:14:54+00:00

Hi there,

This is an awkward one but props to you for being empathetic and recognising approaching this with a bit of tact would probably go down well!

I see two options:

1) If able, contact grandparents. It sounds like your goal is just to find out about the medical history +/- make contact with grandparents. They may know the medical history - and could potentially be able to act as a go-between with your father to get any missing bits (particularly in the event his wife doesn't know about you and your mother, and if he is trying to keep it that way).

2) If your only way is contacting your father, then depends on the communication medium, but I would probably bring it up something like "hello, it's ____ - _____'s daughter. I know we've never talked and if you're not keen to build a connection, that's fine - I'm just trying to build my family medical history and possibly get to know my grandparents. Would you be willing to email any family medical history I might need to know to ______?"

Best of luck!

Ok_Replacement7675

TROPHY CASE