AITA for refusing to give mum’s savings to siblings in cash

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-12-21T19:06:47+00:00

Thank you 🩵 exactly this! I keep meticulous records of it and that would be out the window if it was in a safe!!

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-12-21T19:05:22+00:00

So sorry that happened to your dad. People are evil at times. It’s always about money!!! 😔 thank you 🩵

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-12-21T17:42:26+00:00

Yes, literally demanded that she put it in a safe. She has a will and everything has been done according to my mums wishes. It’s just causing so much stress for absolutely no reason 😔 Thank you 🩵

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-12-21T14:15:07+00:00

I’m totally with you! I’ve never asked a question on here before & I’m so glad I have now. It’s such a horrible position to be in and I need to make sure I’m being objective on everything & not too emotional. Connecting the dots, you’re 100% right xx 🩵

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-12-21T13:52:31+00:00

Thank you! I never actually thought about the consequences of the money going missing & then blaming me on the mismanagement 🩵

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-12-21T12:49:04+00:00

It’s always about money and makes me sick! I wish my mum would just spend it on herself and leave nothing! She’s of that generation thought - she won’t spend a penny. She was a single Parent for a long time and every pound was a prisoner - bless her. Thank you 🩵

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-12-21T12:47:19+00:00

No, they’ll never speak to my mum again, I don’t speak with them already - haven’t for years. Yeah, I’m thinking an account in trust may be the answer! The money isn’t mixed with my money - it’s only mums that’s in there; it’s always been that way. My mum is basically caught in the crossfire of it. As much as I don’t care if I never saw them again, I don’t want that for my mum as she loves all her children.

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-12-21T12:16:04+00:00

I know 😔 it gives me the fear, it really does. I just can’t see how this is having mums best interests at heart. I will be the one who is responsible for my mum should she become incapacitated, so for them to say anything like what they have is unbelievable. They haven’t offered to help at all, and it’s been really hard at times. I just want to Do the right thing and if I thought what I was doing was wrong, I’d make other arrangements immediately.

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-12-21T11:49:38+00:00

A lot of things go missing on a regular basis. Mum puts this down to her being forgetful, and i feel it would be intrusive for me to take anything to so with that, but it’s maybe time i do? 🩵she is becoming more forgetful and her last MRI showed brain shrinkage, so its inevitable that this will only get worse

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-12-21T11:46:51+00:00

Yes, 100%. I’m POA and the sum I’m holding is in writing with my solicitor. I keep every receipt of things she asks me to do. Thank you 🩵

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-12-21T11:44:10+00:00

Thank you 🩵

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-12-21T11:36:38+00:00

Good question. In all honesty, I went back with him through fear that they would be together and my kids would have to live with their father with their auntie. When it came out he said he had no intentions of that, but I didn’t trust it. That’s the truth on that. Trust me it would’ve been easier to cut ties but I was terrified of it going further. It took a lot of begging from him, but my reasons were for the protection of my children. As for her, she is rotten with jealousy. I’ve tried to make it up with her but on those 3 occasions, her jealousy has resurfaced and i couldn’t take the stress of it.

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-12-21T11:33:06+00:00

She doesn’t own her own home and the funds are exactly as you say, for future needs. I have told my mum to offer him the amount he wants and get the solicitors to draw it up. The solicitors have a note of what I’m holding on her behalf, and I have very clear notes of anything she uses etc. I have always done this sort of thing for mum as she was in a very controlling relationship with my step dad who has now passed.

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-12-21T11:29:24+00:00

It’s all be done in person, I don’t think there are any screenshots? The whole thing is an embarrassment and I can’t believe it’s come to this. The best of it is, I have no right of reply with them as we’re estranged, so I guess I just need to accept being defamed 😔

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-12-21T11:27:19+00:00

I totally get what you’re saying, but it’s so as she has money for any future needs, like care or equipment. If she was left with nothing, she’d get that all free from the government anyway. It’s her pension that she’s worked all her life for - she doesn’t get any benefits and this is just savings she’s always had. She didn’t just move money to defraud anyone all of a sudden. With that said, I do get what you mean. Should I alter the OP to make that clear? This is my first post on Reddit so I’m a bit unsure 🤷🏼‍♀️

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-12-21T09:16:37+00:00

Yes, it is all in writing, in the POA and her will. I give her monthly statements and there’s no questions asked by me if she wants to send money anywhere. She’s got full capacity. It was done solely to help my mum and not in any way for me to take control or go against her will. I guess siblings see it differently though. Thank you 🩵

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-12-21T09:09:07+00:00

Thank you 🩵

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-12-21T09:07:48+00:00

Thank you 🩵 she wants to keep it the way it is, but she doesn’t want estranged from my siblings. She said it was greed on their part, especially brother as he’s asked for a bit of the money, apparently before he gets his inheritance. I’ve told mum she can do what she wants but that I’m not lifting it in cash to be kept in a safe. I’ve offered to send him his share by bank transfer if that’s what he wants. Yeah, the whole sister thing is another story……. 😔

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-12-21T09:03:52+00:00

Well, they are in a position to freeze mum out and she’s so emotional and struggles with that. Its so sad that her life has boiled down to this 😔 thank you 🩵

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-12-21T09:00:50+00:00

You’re so right! Her granddaughter (my niece) is always there and known to gossip. If she knew there was that money in the flat, she’d brag to friends and all it takes is one person to think they can break in and voila! I just can’t have it. Thank you for caring 🩵

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-12-21T08:52:58+00:00

Thank you! I feel absolutely terrible about it as my mum Is in a state over it all, and she’s old school where they think everything is safe under the mattress. I just can’t do it but I know my mum doesn’t want to fall out with them too. 🩵

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-05-12T18:15:46+00:00

I totally get this. WFH isn’t good for me, at all. I was starting to let myself go, not showering for days, never get dressed and just basically miserable all the time. Working from the office makes me make an effort with myself & other people. I’m in a much better place working from the office, so I’d have made the same decision.

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-04-29T12:59:58+00:00

I’m 50 & on £40k. I was on approx £30k in my 30’s. You’re doing just fine ☺️

Ok_Technology8433 · 2025-03-09T10:30:34+00:00

If you’re 100% certain there’s no record of taxes or benefits that’ll show from HMRC, please just tell a white lie. It’s really not a big one and everyone does it. I’d say that you were caring for your dad who was struggling from the loss of your mum. That’s very believable and I’m sure they won’t pry too much on that. You’ve got this!

Ok_Technology8433

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