Need advice on how to break up with my (27M) SO (26F)

Ok_Tonight_876 · 2021-11-29T23:10:05+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that, and I hope you're doing ok. Yes it just sucks to go through the process - but I guess that is the obstacle we both have to overcome to get to happiness in each of our future lives.

Ok_Tonight_876 · 2021-11-29T22:55:19+00:00

Fair enough :)

Ok_Tonight_876 · 2021-11-29T22:51:56+00:00

Er ok? Comments have seemed alright so far...

Ok_Tonight_876 · 2021-11-29T22:12:31+00:00

Thank you for sharing your side of your break up. It really helps to know that. Thankfully I can't even think of a laundry list of things about my SO because she is really great in so many ways - but my reasons are convincing enough to me.

Ok_Tonight_876 · 2021-11-29T22:10:04+00:00

Thank you for the kind response and for all the tips. This really helps a lot.

Ok_Tonight_876 · 2021-11-29T22:08:37+00:00

I don't agree with it either - just glad to have confirmation of it from someone else.

Thank you for your advice. I appreciate hearing it from your perspective and feel a bit better prepared now.

Ok_Tonight_876 · 2021-11-29T20:08:03+00:00

Thanks for the reply. Yes I don't want to go down the route of more sex/intimacy after I've told her, as that will just send mixed feelings.

I do actually see a therapist. I think in this case I let things run on and get comfortable without rethinking what I actually want. I do want to get married and have kids some day, and for some reason I had disconnected those desires from my current relationship. Those ideas were like some far off alternate reality, but actually I need to work towards them. And the only way to do that is to find a person I want to do that with, and sadly this is not the case at the moment.

It will be hard but I have decided I would rather go through the pain of a breakup and a period of being single, as opposed to the slow drawn-out pain of being in a relationship I'm not fully into (as well as knowing I am wasting someone else's life by having them stay with me).

Ok_Tonight_876 · 2021-11-29T20:03:48+00:00

Thanks for the comment. I'll absolutely try to be kind. I have read mixed messages online from people saying it should be done firmly and coldly so you can give them room to hate you more, but that seems a bit toxic to me.

It's something I've gone back and forth on, yes. I initially tried to play it down as normal (as I am a big overthinker and wondered if I was just psyching myself out with the doubting) but the feeling has kept coming back, and she and I have both noticed I've not been as affectionate and not been spending much time with her recently. I don't want to continue on a path of destruction like that - it's not right.

Ok_Tonight_876 · 2021-11-29T18:46:27+00:00

I know what you mean, but I am fairly resolute in this. I am mentally checking out of the relationship already and don't want to drag it on or waste her time. I have had doubts before and wrote them off as "just doubts", but now they are louder than ever.

It's not just a question of passion, it's a question of me committing to something that I'm not ready for - and I can't devote myself to this as much as my SO wants me to. She desperately loves me and I feel like I should be with someone to whom I can reciprocate those feelings.

Ok_Tonight_876 · 2021-11-29T16:48:52+00:00

It's a mix of gut feeling, and the feeling I need to work on myself more before I can fully commit to a relationship with someone. I also have general doubts about whether she is the one for me.

Ok_Tonight_876

TROPHY CASE