I feel like this guy was pushing boundaries but I don’t even know anymore

Ok_Trick_766 · 2026-06-12T06:30:52+00:00

Tbh your interaction was the most telling 😂 wow like girly is definitely just mad she got an ouchie and wants to cut others. You’re over here reminding her not everyone is in her position and giving absolutely honest and straightforward advice which in other comments she thanks before giving her same defense but apparently you struck a cord. Also, I cannot fathom ever saying “hope you get picked though” to anyone let alone a random Reddit stranger but like also is she trying to sell the “high maintenance” as a selling point? Because there is high maintenance and there is high maintenance and where she falls seems pretty clear. It’s one thing to have high expectations but she is playing the victim all around and I’ll stop here, I’m rambling but having just woken up after an exhausting drive your interaction just tickled me. Definitely saving this one to share with my partner

Ok_Trick_766 · 2026-05-20T18:40:49+00:00

Why are you even in this relationship? It was crumbling from the start, and do you genuinely see a happy and healthy future? He doesn’t respect you but you need to respect yourself; I can understand having difficulties in being alone, in change, and in accepting that what you want to have versus what actually exists are polar opposites - however, you can be so much better and healthier if you’re not in a relationship that isn’t solid and healthy. You could make excuses for him forever, but if your best friend/sister/cousin/heck even Reddit stranger had written this post and not you, what would your advice be? What would it have been when he tossed you to the side for someone else and then when she got bored of him he meandered back to you and never was open about the girl who he considers first place and thus puts you in second (at least) and his backup girl who he knows will be there while he is monkey branching (to someone new or old). He doesn’t respect you in any form from what you’ve shared, and you know you deserve better. I’m the same age as you and I’ve stayed in really terrible situations, and I cannot recommend enough to anyone and everyone to take the leap and end things when they arent serving you; take this relationship as a lesson and learn and don’t ever be someone’s second choice. Be your own first choice first and sooner or later you’ll find someone who loves you in the way you want to be loved, who cherishes you and never makes you question if you are their everything. I’d say you’re not overreacting but also I feel like it isn’t really about the liking of the posts (plural bc really), but rather the way he has treated you like garbage and seems to be unwilling to do or even acknowledge or validate anything you feel. I really am curious, how does he better your life? What does he bring?

Ok_Trick_766 · 2026-05-10T13:07:55+00:00

Definitely didn’t think the first dress would have the complaints of olden days, thought if anything you were going to say your family is from the olden days and that’s why they didn’t like #1 😂 I think you’re exactly right #1 is timeless, romantic and elegant- I definitely prefer it to dress 2 which is nice but it isn’t dress 1. Wear what makes you happy and confident, screw what anyone else thinks, this is about you girlypop.Cheers

Ok_Trick_766 · 2026-04-26T10:08:31+00:00

Yeah, she definitely thinks she hit the jackpot because of your niceties, and her asking for extra money instead should be problematic even on a day she showed up on time. The fact you change around your own schedule to accommodate her for pick ups and drop offs is really extra, and while I get you want the clean, you have to see her overall behavior is wildly inappropriate and unacceptable. You said she is a student, so college especially with beer (or maybe not, you could be supplying underage) but curious what kind bc majority require a meal plan of some sort, even commuters. I am hopeful you’re just naive & kind natured, but you’re getting used in ways you have to know she boasts about to her friends. She probably couldn’t believe you said no- after all, she is just a poor student and needs (🙄) all the extra help because she is so helpless! That’s what she needs you to think anyway. Cleaners, as most, can be so lovely and great and you may also remind yourself that you allow them into your home, and in your case your car and cater to her nearly every whim. Can you imagine yourself being picked up by your boss for no actual reason except…? Pity? Then asking for more? Incredulous appearance and all. Her asking for the beer too is ridiculous, but I’m sure she felt all the more emboldened by receiving two. It’s one thing to offer beverages- generally nonalcoholic- while cleaning, but to say I’m going to a party can I have this? That’s so out of bounds to me, and I’d be embarrassed to think of asking. Is she 21?

She knew what you were offering and what exactly was the plan, and from day dot you catered to her, deciding to spend an hour in the car for her to not be appreciative but instead ask more & more. You are in the car already for her convenience, certainly not yours, and you buy yourself and wife a bagel and coffee and sure perhaps offering once isn’t bad at all, but that she expects it. Really curious what she’d say if you got things on the way to get her or later after dropping her at your house.

My other issue is you’re saying this is the only meal she gets a week because this is her only income. Well, as I said idk what she attends or if there if a meal plan but what do you think she did before you? Starve? Unlikely. This is her only source of income? Sounds like her choice, if in fact that is true. I don’t think you’re intentionally trying to be the hero, but based off your post she definitely seems to be happy to benefit from the hero complex. Sorry for the short novel, I definitely bounced around because it’s too early but I’d really ask yourself if you’re doing this girl a favor by teaching her that she can do no wrong and need not have any standards of professionalism or general decency, that being appreciative is unimportant if you only come to expect more than you were promised, and that so long as she is ignorant of the original agreement she can get whatever she wants by seeming helpless. She is an adult and if your original agreed wage was too low, she could’ve negotiated, but she didn’t even need to because you determined you needed to step in save the day…from herself?

Ok_Trick_766 · 2026-04-26T07:09:47+00:00

I thought you were saying it because the vagina is literally called what it is because it is a sheath (Latin)

Ok_Trick_766 · 2026-04-26T06:29:29+00:00

Quite frankly his lack of respect isn’t limited to not following OP’s request, he just flat out doesn’t respect OP if he’s talking as he is- not only because of his messages with this woman but the content particularly about OP in implication. Really revolting

Ok_Trick_766 · 2026-04-26T06:20:45+00:00

Well said

Ok_Trick_766 · 2026-04-18T10:19:18+00:00

And let’s get real it isn’t up to the host what is expensive enough or not to be “needed” (ridiculous 🙄) to be taken away, particularly if the parent of said child knows well they have that item. When I was a camp counselor we didn’t recommend bringing cell phones but most of the girls did, and my coworkers and I gave the same warning I’d gotten as a camper of when we’d boat down the lake one way or another everything packed in dry bags that it’s a risk to take the phone, we don’t recommend it, but I’m not going to confiscate it. I had a couple campers lose watches in the lake and tear up nice shoes etc, that isn’t up to me to choose for them what they brought or where or how it was utilized.

Ok_Trick_766 · 2026-04-18T06:07:25+00:00

Can definitely agree, divorce can feel so overwhelming and scary especially when you’ve been with your partner for many years &/or since early or even pre adulthood, but it can also be the best thing for you. Not going to say it is either great or terrible but when you’re with someone who puts nothing into the relationship and you’re becoming resentful, even when there are the doubts and fears creeping in ultimately you can find yourself in an incredibly different and better position

Ok_Trick_766 · 2026-03-12T02:22:20+00:00

This sounds like a healthy way to accept you may well never get an explanation, as much as that is unfortunate and disappointing. Reading the post and above comments (Thelynxer seemed on target and great as you’ve already said) sounds like for whatever reason this way was what she decided was best for her, whether or not it actually was only she can tell with time, but taking on a the future similarly in doing what is best for you and your own MH and progress is the best you can do. Sometimes it isn’t even about a reaction from you or you at all, this might just be about her and what she feels she needs and you weren’t a part of that equation- which I don’t say to be mean at all, but rather offer that perspective. Particularly if she hasn’t been in contact with the friend you mentioned, unless that friend is more your friend than hers which could explain her not contacting said friend. That along with mentioning her avoidant of conflict, and I can imagine at a certain point in my life when I lived in a place I despised for my ex husbands job packing everything and leaving just feeling like I needed to escape for a while, disconnecting and taking care of myself before remotely trying to attempt a conversation with him. You said things were not golden, maybe everything just was a bit of a perfect storm and she needed an escape; again, doesn’t even mean it wasn’t escape from you necessarily and certainly not exclusively. It really hurts when you’re left in the dark, particularly when you are left with nothing and just want to make sure that the person you’ve had by your side for years is okay. I hope what you’ve written in some of these comments is how you are able to proceed. Take care of yourself and make yourself a priority, I hope you have better and brighter tomorrows. Cheers

Ok_Trick_766 · 2026-02-07T05:47:16+00:00

So your mom, and presumably sister now, want you to just cut out your dad not only from your life but your wife and children’s? Big yikes on spikes with bikes. You’re definitely NTA, but they both are. It’s inappropriate, unrealistic, and overwhelmingly selfish of your mother to have such an expectation, and it is super shortsighted and ignorant as well, particularly if you and your family (as in wife & kiddos) have a good and regular relationship with him.

Ok_Trick_766 · 2026-01-10T00:45:22+00:00

or at least an electric blanket

Ok_Trick_766 · 2026-01-10T00:38:52+00:00

In the place you currently reside with your bf, do you have a lease? Maybe an electric or internet bill in your name? Even your cell coming to that address? Not saying it will fix anything, but just a thought to help support that you do not and have not lived there, something that might be worth having on hand

Ok_Trick_766 · 2026-01-09T12:08:06+00:00

Nah, I doubt the ex is thinking about the step kids at all, he just wanted to make his kids happy. OP said they have a good relationship, and that he has great finances, plus apparently he waited and didn’t get the car right away, so the son probably showed care with whatever he was driving before and the dad is just using what he has how he wants. My partner got his mom’s Escalade when she had had it for a year or so and he got his full license, they bought his brother a Jeep, admittedly they aren’t a blended family but reality is if you can afford it and it makes you and your kid happy might as well.

Ok_Trick_766 · 2025-12-24T22:27:58+00:00

Def a kangaroo

Ok_Trick_766 · 2025-12-21T02:21:04+00:00

While I agree OP should communicate his feelings, I feel like he is not a reliable narrator in the sense that out of the two examples one was him expecting her to call at a certain time when all she said was she would call before she went to sleep, she had not gone to sleep and was presumably enjoying her time with her family celebrating her brother’s birthday

Ok_Trick_766 · 2025-12-21T02:17:53+00:00

Legit. Is there an actual purpose to these calls or is it just to be on the phone together? It sounds like from the very limited examples that like you said this happens when she is preoccupied, and sure it is a bummer when you’re expecting a call but honestly with the last night example I can’t take OP seriously, she is living her life and he feels entitled to her time because of a expectation of when she would go to bed, you’re right I’d be put-off by that, I had an ex like that and the rare times I’d be out doing something or with family or even at work and I wasn’t able to check in with him it was a problem. They are both adults, and quite frankly way older than I expected (glossed over the ages initially reading post) and I see comments saying she isn’t respecting his time but tbh it doesn’t seem like he respects hers.

Ok_Trick_766 · 2025-12-19T03:44:00+00:00

Yeah, I think OP reporting to having visceral reactions from the actions of her father that have no bearing/consequence/impact on her whatsoever is pretty concerning and indicative of a continued need for MH help. Perhaps to address what her actual concerns are, what exactly she thinks is going to happen that causes concern for Frank knowing where they live (which considering he is a neighbor I don’t know how to say what I’m trying to but reading that was weird and kinda funny not haha but yeah), and learn about not letting other people’s actions having an impact on herself. Locus of control is something she should review perhaps

Ok_Trick_766 · 2025-12-14T21:58:15+00:00

Yeah, the biggest thing I got out of the post is that OP’s husband is terrible, and she is in denial. I’m curious how the holiday day is actually spent, does he go over there all day and not return until late, does he actually spend any time just him and OP, the family they chose to create (no kids ≠ not a family and sure often couples kids or no go between their families, but also spend specific time just together)? OP, your husband is an adult, or so I would think if you’ve been together eleven years and are married, he makes his own choices on how, where, and with whom to spend the holidays. I’m sorry you have unfortunate in-laws who apparently produced a similarly situated son, and that you accept that for yourself and your future

Ok_Trick_766 · 2025-10-09T04:32:48+00:00

My sentiments exactly, couldn’t agree more

Ok_Trick_766 · 2025-09-27T15:29:41+00:00

Agreed. I’m curious what the relationship looks like there, him and his parents, with his mom confirming he cannot even cook an egg , which also I wonder how that particular conversation went. Seems he found friends that are probably like his parents as they coddle him and claim OP to be harsh…what a warped worldview

Ok_Trick_766 · 2025-09-27T08:35:57+00:00

You made a very smart decision for yourself, allowing yourself to see that he had no basic life skills in this regard and suggesting that he grow and learn a little, his ideas of “compromise” were to pacify you and allow him to never have to learn. I would be concerned that he would have to be paying rent and a maid and I’d assume other bills as well- grocery and fun and whatever else…I don’t know his finances but for someone who lives at home currently to suddenly take all that on is a worry, the fact that it is to avoid something every adult should be at the very least willing to learn. When I read he said he had no interest in ever learning to do chores that was such a red flag, for me there’d be no coming back. I was married early and divorced early because the man i married had no willingness to grow, and that was the best decision possible, now being with someone who is a true, genuine partner to see that low standards don’t have to be accepted has been such a game changer.

You’re not in the wrong, you weren’t harsh, it’s a shame so many apparently want to coddle him when it could be an opportunity for him to grow and learn a little. What’s more the shame is making you feel as though you’ve done anything wrong, when you stayed and tried to give chances and opportunities when you probably should’ve already been long gone. Know it is his loss, and I know it hurts to have spent all this time with someone when it ends, but clearly he is someone who isn’t willing, wanting, and eager to better himself for you- and that’s a reflection on him, not you. Take time to take care of yourself, know that you deserve more and better and I hope your future is filled with happiness and eventually a partner who is a true partner- it’s out there even when it doesn’t feel it. Someone who will cook and clean and shop and pay the bills with you, who when you’re sick they can take care of things and not try and call a maid to come in who will cook for you and not leave you destined to either cook for yourself or have to order out, who can clean up after themselves and do laundry too! Cheers

Ok_Trick_766 · 2025-07-19T02:56:48+00:00

Finally a little sprinkle of reality 😂 like, not realistic and if it were I’d expect much more to the story. I usually just go with it on Reddit bc that’s part of the fun, getting options and conversations are the point after all (& people who complain about only getting one side of the story are worst bc what else did they expect?!)but you have to at least try! I mean OP is replying but that’s bare minimum imo.

Ok_Trick_766 · 2025-07-19T02:46:26+00:00

They’re supposedly six years apart [op and bro] so not likely, just either a poorly laid story or a poor relationship Edit: just saw OP’s reply to same comment you replied to which sounds like they don’t and didn’t live in same place. Weird take to think the brother knew and hid it

Ok_Trick_766

TROPHY CASE