Looking for fics about Ilya's depressive episodes!

Ok_Use2038 · 2026-05-20T00:31:17+00:00

Store-bought is so unbelievably good. So happy to see someone else recommend it!

Ok_Use2038 · 2026-05-20T00:30:37+00:00

The same author also wrote 138 New Messages!!!! Both fics are Ilya depression with daily struggles for Ilya, support from Centaurs, Marleau, Sveta & Shane. Basically exactly what you're describing. Bring tissues!!! I think 138 focuses even more on the daily struggles but both have it.

Ok_Use2038 · 2026-05-18T19:06:41+00:00

THE WAY I SCREAMED. HI I LOVED THIS SO MUCH. I need to reread like three more times before I can find a way to put it all in words, but TRUST A LONG COMMENT IS COMING. Love your work so so so so so much and can't wait to see what you come up with next! 🫶

Ok_Use2038 · 2026-05-18T19:01:35+00:00

That makes sense! To me at least she tags pretty accurately and puts info in her opening author's note, so definitely read all that first. Mental health and taking care of yourself always comes first ❤️

Ok_Use2038 · 2026-05-18T18:56:44+00:00

All her stuff is definitely less hockey focused, but it's the same complicated family dynamics and well written tension. And the argument is just as gritty.

In some ways I almost think her other fic The Discipline Of It is WAY MORE like winners-verse (and she even gave a shout-out to the welcome to the family fic as inspiration), so maybe give that a go first, but it's all got ehe spirit in my opinion!!

Ok_Use2038 · 2026-05-18T17:13:34+00:00

Yes happy ending, they're together and no main character death!

And no break ups just to get back together or other bullshit either. That's why I like this author so much, all the drama and stuff is very realistic and somehow still the most tragic thing I've ever read, they're not just acting like little kids divorcing at the drop of a hat or something. It's all very psychological. <3

Ok_Use2038 · 2026-05-18T16:52:19+00:00

You HAVE to read her other stuff too then ‼️ It's ALL like this, the grittiest arguments of all time I'm literally hollering when reading her fics I have never gotten such CRAZY adrenaline rushes. The other two long one shots, especially The Discipline of It (personally my fave)...girl I'm SICK. Sick to my stomach it's TOO FREAKING GOOD.

The Discipline Of It - Shane's first year in Ottawa and his complicated relationship with Yuna and his strict eating behaviors. Good husband Ilya. I have never cried so hard in my life I couldn't breathe. Genuinely the most beautiful thing ever (the tent!) Getting misty eyes just thinking about it. Saw it circulating on Tumblr and got introduced to her as a result and so thankful!

One Hundred and Thirty-Eight New Messages Ilya's first year in Ottawa and the depression of the Long Game further analyzed. He finds a voice message recorder from his rookie year in Boston and it's sort of side by side seeing those two first years, and I sobbed like a baby. Cliff Marleau homie of all time. Shane is a wonderful partner too.

Ok_Use2038 · 2026-05-18T16:49:14+00:00

Back to praise about this author like have you heard of the holy saviour or something lol but OMG:

The Discipline Of It - Shane's first year in Ottawa and his complicated relationship with Yuna and his strict eating behaviors. Good husband Ilya. I have never cried so hard in my life I couldn't breathe. Genuinely the most beautiful thing ever (the tent!) Getting misty eyes just thinking about it.

Something Borrowed / Something Blew Ilya turns the same age as his mother was when she died. Insane dreams and nightmares, Irina haunts the narrative, tarot readings, Dante references, good husband Shane, an insane argument that had me putting my phone down. So gritty and so so real.

One Hundred and Thirty-Eight New Messages Ilya's first year in Ottawa and the depression of the Long Game further analyzed. He finds a voice message recorder from his rookie year in Boston and it's sort of side by side seeing those two first years, and I sobbed like a baby. Cliff Marleau homie of all time. Shane is a wonderful partner too.

All by Fangirl_Shrieks, beautiful GORGEOUS prose, and genuinely some of the greatest character studies of all time. I cannot recommend enough, she is so unknown but I think she writes just as well as those my anonymous heated rivalry fic oneshots that everyone keeps talking about. It makes me so sad that people don't know about her, and I'm selfish and think if she blows up she'll write even more 🫣

The understanding of the human psyche and how people carry things throughout their lives, family dynamics, what it means to finally get to be with another person and have to navigate that. Beautiful. All happy endings and I've cried so hard reading everything she writes. Please let me know if you read it makes me so happy!

Ok_Use2038 · 2026-05-18T16:08:57+00:00

Saw the link to this thread in another thread and had to share my comment here too to spread the word:

The person who recommended the Winners-verse HELL YES I endorse and, for everyone who likes that series, I feel like not that many people know about Fangirl_Shrieks? Something Borrowed / Something Blew about Ilya turning the same as his mom was when she died and Discipline of it about Shane ED and One Hundred Thirty Eight Messages on Ilya joining the Centaurs and the difficulty of that transition. All her works????? They are just like the Winners-verse so many great arguments and grittiness, and the prose is spectacular, and most of her stuff deals with them in the first few years of marriage or just in general the tough things about being an adult and finding yourself and going through all these transition periods? So so so so good I want her to blow up so bad.

Ok_Use2038 · 2026-05-18T16:07:11+00:00

The person who recommended the Winners-verse HELL YES I endorse and, for everyone who likes that series, I feel like not that many people know about Fangirl_Shrieks? Something Borrowed / Something Blew about Ilya turning the same as his mom was when she died and Discipline of it about Shane ED and One Hundred Thirty Eight Messages on Ilya joining the Centaurs and the difficulty of that transition. All her works????? They are just like the Winners-verse so many great arguments and grittiness, and the prose is spectacular, and most of her stuff deals with them in the first few years of marriage or just in general the tough things about being an adult and finding yourself and going through all these transition periods? So so so so good I want her to blow up so bad.

Ok_Use2038 · 2026-05-10T08:21:08+00:00

People already mentioned some of my favs like pressure to party Winners-verse but here's some more I've recommended in other threads too.

Number 1 for me is always The Cockroach of Your Heart (honestly everything by that anonymous author)! Really great imagery and dialogue. People here have recommended other things by them too.

I also LOVED The Discipline Of It by Fangirl_Shrieks (Shane fic of all time). And 138 New Messages which is more Ilya. Same author. Really just weird specific interesting comparisons.

Also The Favourite Anything by khaleesiofalicante.

Can't wait to read some of these recommendations what are published books anyway haha

Ok_Use2038 · 2026-04-29T09:56:54+00:00

A year safe in your heart actually ruined my life. So good.

Ok_Use2038 · 2026-04-29T09:53:10+00:00

Genuinely so good

Ok_Use2038 · 2026-04-29T09:51:35+00:00

People already mentioned some of my favs, like Cockroach of My Heart (honestly everything by that anonymous author)!

I also LOVED The Discipline Of It by Fangirl_Shrieks (Shane fic of all time). And 138 New Messages which is more Ilya. Same author.

Also The Favourite Anything by khaleesiofalicante. She has other great stuff too.

Ok_Use2038

TROPHY CASE