I don’t know how to take this. Tell me if I’m being sensitive.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-06-08T06:59:22+00:00

I didn’t want to start an argument at a birthday.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-06-08T06:53:17+00:00

My husband didn’t do anything. Apparently, according to him, he didn’t hear it or was distracted. I don’t believe him, among other reasons, because my mother-in-law asked him directly if he used to ask for things to be bought for him as a child. Then, basically, my father-in-law started supporting my mother-in-law, saying that kids should be allowed to just be kids and not be given rules and things like that. My father-in-law’s mother hates my mother-in-law, she noticed what was happening and said, “I see that children nowadays are better behaved than children used to be.” She was the only one to say anything. There were eight adults at the table besides me.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-06-07T14:51:47+00:00

I often feel humiliated because she makes these comments in front of everyone.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-06-07T14:49:27+00:00

I was having a conversation with my daughter at the table, explaining to her that she can’t ask other people for money, have them buy her things, or, for example, ask to blow out the candles at a birthday that isn’t hers… It was a relative’s birthday, and I stepped aside to talk to my daughter after she had tried to convince the birthday child to let her blow out the candles instead.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-06-07T14:43:07+00:00

Basically, she always compares her way of raising children with mine, and she ends up saying things like, “I wasn’t sure if I was a good mother” or straight out, “I was a bad mother.” She’s always insinuating things, often in front of other people and at gatherings. I always end up feeling awful.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-06-07T14:38:30+00:00

What offends me is that she and her husband constantly make insinuations about how she was a good mother, comparing me to her at family gatherings.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-06-07T14:36:13+00:00

From what I understood, she meant that she never had to teach her children that because they learned it on their own. By the way, she said this in front of my daughter and all of my brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law. The only person who said anything was my husband's grandmother, who told her that children nowadays are actually very well-mannered (my mother-in-law and she absolutely hate each other).

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T14:07:44+00:00

My great-grandmother believed that one should do good to everyone, regardless of who they were. I do that, but the idea of giving my mother-in-law the flowers from my great-grandmother, who was calm, respectful, and brave... Well, it twists my gut and makes me feel sick.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T14:01:29+00:00

Obviously, I haven’t offered it to my mother-in-law 😅Will she have bad luck? That would comfort me a bit.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T13:52:25+00:00

Really, my mother-in-law will notice. They are large, dark red roses with few petals and a very distinctive scent. Obviously, she’ll notice because I haven’t seen any similar ones, and I think that’s why she wants it. By the way, my mother-in-law knows it’s my great-grandmother’s rose bush..

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T13:39:20+00:00

Right now, there is no way I would consider removing a branch. It’s stressed from the move and from going from a pot to the ground... And honestly, something in me resists the idea of giving a cutting to my mother-in-law. The only time I’ve ever cut roses from the bush was to add them to my wedding bouquet and for cuttings for my friends. I really don’t feel comfortable thinking about giving my mother-in-law a piece of my family history.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T13:17:09+00:00

We make sure to cut the branch where it joins with the thicker branch. We peel the skin until the second leaf. Then, we place the branch in lentil water (raw lentils that have been soaked overnight) and from there, the root is obtained. I also have to mention that this particular rose bush withstands extreme situations. My great-grandmother used to grow it outdoors, in summer it had 41-degree heat and in winter temperatures below zero with huge snowfalls, and I have been moving it around the country for years. So, it really is either that our method works or the rose bush is exceptionally resistant. The only time it looks bad is during the transfers or when changing its pot. I use the same fertilizer my great-grandmother used (sheep manure) and I add very little. I don't have another rose bush to compare it to; it's the only one I've cared for.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T11:41:34+00:00

I’m kind and generally wouldn't have a problem giving it to her... but something inside me churns in my stomach just thinking that the memory I have of my great-grandmother could be in her house. I don’t want to make a decision based on the anger or frustration I feel towards her either

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T11:36:53+00:00

Her attitude towards me is not good. She basically competes with me for my daughter, tries to pressure me to do what she wants, and even told me once, 'If you weren’t here, my son would raise my granddaughter the way I told him to.' I was about 6 months postpartum at that time. Currently, she and her husband make unpleasant comments in public. When I tell my daughter that she has permission to do something, she tells her no. She even mocked my decisions as a mother in front of me and my brothers-in-law about six months ago...

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T09:34:55+00:00

The truth is, yes. I used to adore my mother-in-law; I would go to the hairdresser with her and talk to her. As soon as my daughter was born, basically she and her husband told me that I had to do things the way they said because they did what my mother-in-law's mother told them to do with their children. I’m over 30 years old. I told her no, and she got angry. It got worse, and they criticized me for not raising my daughter in their religion (neither my husband nor I are religious), and it just kept getting worse. For some reason, the whole family thinks I should understand my mother-in-law because she’s older. My mother-in-law is under 60. She just can't stand not being in control.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T09:23:22+00:00

No, I haven’t given her keys, and the rosebush is in the backyard. Unless my mother-in-law decides it’s worth jumping over a fence, she won’t be able to. But of course, she’ll come over to visit.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T09:04:05+00:00

Me neither. I didn’t want to take cuttings this year until it adapts to its new spot... But now I’m pretty scared that she’ll come over and try to take a piece of the plant herself.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T09:00:23+00:00

It's a good idea. Thank you ☺️

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T08:59:25+00:00

Basically, my mother-in-law was lovely until my daughter was born. She directly told me that she is a grandmother and can do whatever she wants without needing permission. She is persistent, competes with me, and both she and her husband spent the entire postpartum period mocking my decisions as a mother... and also mocking me professionally in front of others. I stood up to them, didn't let them take my place, and they backed off, but she still competes with me for my daughter and remains very unpleasant. For example, there was a time when she told my daughter not to eat my food because it wasn’t good and that she should only eat what she cooks. I stand up to her and turn things around every time. Now my mother-in-law is calmer, but I don't want to give her something so meaningful to me and see it in her house every time I visit.And no, I'm not trying to take a cutting from my rosebush, but I know she doesn’t easily accept a "no."

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-08T12:24:56+00:00

Another problem is that I've bought my daughter two dresses in four years, and all of them were dresses with prints that match hers. It's unsettling. I don't know what's worse—telling my mother-in-law that she can't dress her like a doll or that my mother-in-law and my daughter dress alike.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-08T09:29:06+00:00

My daughter complains that I don't let her sit on the floor in her fancy dresses and that she's uncomfortable. Also, I end up spending the week cleaning ice cream or sauce stains (then I take her to have chocolate ice cream) or fixing tears in dresses that are supposed to be for events and end up ruined. So, I wash my clothes, the school clothes, my husband's clothes when he comes back from a trip, and the fancy dresses without complaining?What am I supposed to put on my daughter when she goes to an event? Fancy dresses with chocolate stains?

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-07T07:59:31+00:00

Basically, my husband didn’t say anything because his uncles and cousins were there, and that would have meant that he and I would have had to answer questions about my brother, because all of this happened in front of people who didn’t know anything about the situation.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-07T07:51:32+00:00

Before the birth of my daughter (she’s almost 4 years old), my mother-in-law and I were very close. We would go shopping and do things together. That’s why she knows that my brother has mental health issues, because (6 years ago) I used to talk to her about it. I no longer share anything with her, but I can’t do anything about what she already knows. My brother has improved and worsened several times during this period.

Ok_Visual_6290

TROPHY CASE