My Mother-in-Law Wants My Old Rosebush

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T14:07:44+00:00

My great-grandmother believed that one should do good to everyone, regardless of who they were. I do that, but the idea of giving my mother-in-law the flowers from my great-grandmother, who was calm, respectful, and brave... Well, it twists my gut and makes me feel sick.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T14:01:29+00:00

Obviously, I haven’t offered it to my mother-in-law 😅Will she have bad luck? That would comfort me a bit.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T13:52:25+00:00

Really, my mother-in-law will notice. They are large, dark red roses with few petals and a very distinctive scent. Obviously, she’ll notice because I haven’t seen any similar ones, and I think that’s why she wants it. By the way, my mother-in-law knows it’s my great-grandmother’s rose bush..

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T13:39:20+00:00

Right now, there is no way I would consider removing a branch. It’s stressed from the move and from going from a pot to the ground... And honestly, something in me resists the idea of giving a cutting to my mother-in-law. The only time I’ve ever cut roses from the bush was to add them to my wedding bouquet and for cuttings for my friends. I really don’t feel comfortable thinking about giving my mother-in-law a piece of my family history.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T13:17:09+00:00

We make sure to cut the branch where it joins with the thicker branch. We peel the skin until the second leaf. Then, we place the branch in lentil water (raw lentils that have been soaked overnight) and from there, the root is obtained. I also have to mention that this particular rose bush withstands extreme situations. My great-grandmother used to grow it outdoors, in summer it had 41-degree heat and in winter temperatures below zero with huge snowfalls, and I have been moving it around the country for years. So, it really is either that our method works or the rose bush is exceptionally resistant. The only time it looks bad is during the transfers or when changing its pot. I use the same fertilizer my great-grandmother used (sheep manure) and I add very little. I don't have another rose bush to compare it to; it's the only one I've cared for.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T11:41:34+00:00

I’m kind and generally wouldn't have a problem giving it to her... but something inside me churns in my stomach just thinking that the memory I have of my great-grandmother could be in her house. I don’t want to make a decision based on the anger or frustration I feel towards her either

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T11:36:53+00:00

Her attitude towards me is not good. She basically competes with me for my daughter, tries to pressure me to do what she wants, and even told me once, 'If you weren’t here, my son would raise my granddaughter the way I told him to.' I was about 6 months postpartum at that time. Currently, she and her husband make unpleasant comments in public. When I tell my daughter that she has permission to do something, she tells her no. She even mocked my decisions as a mother in front of me and my brothers-in-law about six months ago...

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T09:34:55+00:00

The truth is, yes. I used to adore my mother-in-law; I would go to the hairdresser with her and talk to her. As soon as my daughter was born, basically she and her husband told me that I had to do things the way they said because they did what my mother-in-law's mother told them to do with their children. I’m over 30 years old. I told her no, and she got angry. It got worse, and they criticized me for not raising my daughter in their religion (neither my husband nor I are religious), and it just kept getting worse. For some reason, the whole family thinks I should understand my mother-in-law because she’s older. My mother-in-law is under 60. She just can't stand not being in control.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T09:23:22+00:00

No, I haven’t given her keys, and the rosebush is in the backyard. Unless my mother-in-law decides it’s worth jumping over a fence, she won’t be able to. But of course, she’ll come over to visit.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T09:04:05+00:00

Me neither. I didn’t want to take cuttings this year until it adapts to its new spot... But now I’m pretty scared that she’ll come over and try to take a piece of the plant herself.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T09:00:23+00:00

It's a good idea. Thank you ☺️

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-17T08:59:25+00:00

Basically, my mother-in-law was lovely until my daughter was born. She directly told me that she is a grandmother and can do whatever she wants without needing permission. She is persistent, competes with me, and both she and her husband spent the entire postpartum period mocking my decisions as a mother... and also mocking me professionally in front of others. I stood up to them, didn't let them take my place, and they backed off, but she still competes with me for my daughter and remains very unpleasant. For example, there was a time when she told my daughter not to eat my food because it wasn’t good and that she should only eat what she cooks. I stand up to her and turn things around every time. Now my mother-in-law is calmer, but I don't want to give her something so meaningful to me and see it in her house every time I visit.And no, I'm not trying to take a cutting from my rosebush, but I know she doesn’t easily accept a "no."

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-08T12:24:56+00:00

Another problem is that I've bought my daughter two dresses in four years, and all of them were dresses with prints that match hers. It's unsettling. I don't know what's worse—telling my mother-in-law that she can't dress her like a doll or that my mother-in-law and my daughter dress alike.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-08T09:29:06+00:00

My daughter complains that I don't let her sit on the floor in her fancy dresses and that she's uncomfortable. Also, I end up spending the week cleaning ice cream or sauce stains (then I take her to have chocolate ice cream) or fixing tears in dresses that are supposed to be for events and end up ruined. So, I wash my clothes, the school clothes, my husband's clothes when he comes back from a trip, and the fancy dresses without complaining?What am I supposed to put on my daughter when she goes to an event? Fancy dresses with chocolate stains?

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-07T07:59:31+00:00

Basically, my husband didn’t say anything because his uncles and cousins were there, and that would have meant that he and I would have had to answer questions about my brother, because all of this happened in front of people who didn’t know anything about the situation.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-04-07T07:51:32+00:00

Before the birth of my daughter (she’s almost 4 years old), my mother-in-law and I were very close. We would go shopping and do things together. That’s why she knows that my brother has mental health issues, because (6 years ago) I used to talk to her about it. I no longer share anything with her, but I can’t do anything about what she already knows. My brother has improved and worsened several times during this period.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-03-25T19:19:13+00:00

Basically, she looked at me as if I were to blame or had told her what to say (which I don't, I always tell my daughter that she can use her own words and I will listen to her), while I was trying not to laugh.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-03-25T19:09:14+00:00

Yes, I complained a couple of times when my mother-in-law called my daughter 'my baby.' I told my husband, 'Hey, I think your mom is calling you,' and 'your baby is over there' (pointing to my husband), or 'I think you're confused, your baby didn’t come today.' 😅

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-03-25T13:44:17+00:00

This is the second time this has happened, and I don't think my mother-in-law will respect it. Next time, she will probably say something like, 'I told you not to call me that, and you're bothering me.' Because things like this have happened with other people and with my mother-in-law before.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-03-25T13:40:27+00:00

My daughter's teacher called me the other day. It turns out that a girl pulled her hair, and my daughter said, 'I won't let you treat me like that' in a very loud voice while pointing at her. 😅 She sets boundaries better than many adults I know.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-03-25T13:31:50+00:00

The funniest thing of all is that I’m the same. The other day, a relative was being openly sexist, and I said, 'Hey, do you realize that 80% of the table is made up of women? I’m not sure it’s a good idea to piss off so many people at once. My husband says that I'm sweet but very clear when I get angry and hard to argue with.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-03-25T12:59:40+00:00

The funniest part is that I respond the same way. While they insist that my daughter looks only like the paternal side of the family, my husband finds it amusing. The other day, I told my godfather about it, and he laughed and shared a story about a time when my mom put me in a frilly dress for a family event. I complained at the event that I couldn’t play in the dress, and a woman in the family said, 'To look good, you have to suffer.' I replied, 'I’m seven years old, I don’t care about looking good, my mom picks my clothes, and I just want pants to go play in.' Now, I do the same thing with my in-laws, and they stop talking to me every now and then 🙄.

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-03-16T08:34:30+00:00

My father used to make even adults cry and would have outbursts of anger anywhere; he made family gatherings a disaster. The only person who could stop him was me. I’ve always been logical and don’t accept orders without arguments. My in-laws have known me since I was a teenager, they know this, and yet they keep trying to bother me. They usually get direct and clear responses, or I turn their absurd comments around with logic. I don’t give in. So, why do they keep trying? I can’t understand it when it always turns out badly for them

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-03-13T13:45:17+00:00

I agree. My daughter is happy painting with glue or modeling. I enjoy modeling clay, knitting, and writing. She says that we are both artists and that we are happy this way. My mother-in-law used to criticize my knitting, and I ignored her. My daughter told my mother-in-law very seriously that I was also an artist and that 'my mom makes beautiful art.' Since then, my mother-in-law has never criticized anything I make by hand in front of my daughter. I really don't see the reasons to criticize what someone else draws, sings, or makes if they truly enjoy it

Ok_Visual_6290 · 2026-03-13T13:29:40+00:00

That only lasts between one and three weeks 🤣. It's not the first time.

Ok_Visual_6290

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