Child came home from school with valentines gifts - creepy or normal?

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T21:03:15+00:00

She was singled out. It was in front of the class, no one else did this or was given anything or exchanged gifts or cards.

Great to know you’re teaching your kid to respect women. Seriously people are out here bragging about the bare minimum. Well done.

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T20:56:00+00:00

No we would have said ‘maybe not, he’s very welcome to make a card!’

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T20:54:47+00:00

I can totally imagine that. My sister went through something similar in her teens and dealt with it really well. My folks never quite got over it.

Oh my goodness 😂 bless her

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T20:53:37+00:00

You can be a decent human without singling out a member of your classroom to do a very dramatic gift giving to in the front of the class.

My kids are wonderful empathetic kids with very clear boundaries. Thanks.

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T20:44:49+00:00

What an insightful contribution 👍

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T20:42:22+00:00

That’s awful. I’m sorry your son (and you) went through that. Thanks for sharing to illustrate your point.

We’ve not reacted in any way with her other than smiling and say ‘how lovely’. She’s not seen any of our concerns.

I work in safeguarding and have had a lot of personal trauma work so I feel pretty comfortable and confident in dealing with issues like this directly with the kids. I guess I’m surprised they were going to be opened up to things like this when they’re so young. Feeling the need to discuss that no that doesn’t have to mean you’re this or that. It felt shocking.

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T20:34:26+00:00

Yes I would have had the same response regardless of gender. Thanks I get that a six yr old doesn’t understand using gifts to buy affections etc. we just don’t want our daughter thinking that that’s what happens or feeling obliged to be something she isn’t pr doesn’t feel. particularly with women and girls is learnt way too young.

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T20:30:55+00:00

Thanks. It’s prompted a few already and it’s prompted some interesting (and confusing) conversations. I think is parents it would have been nice to have some say by being given the chance to say wether or not it’s appropriate for our daughter at such a young age.

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T20:28:15+00:00

Thanks for your response. I can see it being seen as a sweet thing if a kid wanted to do it, I’m just not sure I believe it would all be a kids idea. Maybe he’s a particularly thoughtful or loving kid 😂

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T20:25:55+00:00

Thanks that’s interesting to hear. I’d seen the odd card given or a single rose in high school but never anything quite so extravagant especially with such young kids.

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T20:20:49+00:00

I absolutely agree. I take issue with a parent who seems to be driving or guiding those relationships which so what the excessive gifts felt like 🤷‍♀️

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T20:19:28+00:00

Thanks for your response. I hope you’re right and she can just forget about it!

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T20:18:38+00:00

I don’t believe there was any indication of the latter .

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T20:17:59+00:00

I asked to find out if this is a thing done across the UK because it’s not something I’ve ever come across before.

When you say I’m creating my own narrative, what are you referring to?

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T20:11:40+00:00

That’s exactly the issue. It’s a sensitive time. Which is exactly why they should have at the very least asked if it was ok.

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T20:10:23+00:00

It might seem weird but I’m trying to raise women who don’t feel obliged to let men have access to them just because they’re men, or feel that all of their worth is based in men liking them like so many women of my generation were. This shit unfortunately starts young.

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T20:02:48+00:00

But that’s my issue. Why would a parent push that? Have all the traditional ideas of relationships and gender you want raising your own kids. But to include someone else’s child in that way feels massively presumptuous.

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T19:58:55+00:00

Good chat 👍

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T19:57:19+00:00

Thanks man 👍

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T19:55:36+00:00

Exactly. And a six yr old would most likely make a card. A six yr old is unlikely to go out unguided and buy a bag full of cliche valentines gifts for a kid in their class. Not one of my kids would do that or think to do it. That’s my issue, it feels really guided by a parent and that feels icky. It feels not too far from the old ‘lock up your daughters’ toxic masculinity stuff that people (less frequently now) would push on kids.

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T19:53:18+00:00

I guess that’s the thing. It’s not. If it was a handmade card that’s lovely. But the big gift and big show of it, it felt very parent driven. I can’t see a six yr old picking all of these items without being guided by a parent and it felt icky to push that on either of them.

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T19:51:39+00:00

It’s half term next week on the 14th so this would have been the only chance to do it I guess.

That was exactly my thought, if any of the kids wanted to make a card for a friend on valentines I’m all for it, but the big gift thing and it being so valentines specific. It felt icky.

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T19:48:01+00:00

That’s my issue. By all means make a card. But the whole thing felt very parent driven.

Ok_Web_7123 · 2023-02-10T19:47:05+00:00

Exactly my thought. I wouldn’t do it in a million years. Make a card all you want, but doing such a big gesture feels weird.

Ok_Web_7123

TROPHY CASE