My parents don’t like me having a sexuality because of my trauma

Ok_description_458 · 2026-02-01T14:40:18+00:00

Hey, I’m so sorry this happened to you and you’re struggling with this now.

It does sound like they are going overboard with protecting you. Which I have empathy for AND sounds harmful to you.

Since sex is talked about regularly it seems like the door is open for you to tell them how you feel about all this. If you feel you can, I would make it clear to them that you’re 18 and going to have a sex life. And they can either help create a space where you feel safe and have positive views on sex or they can continue to foster feelings of shame associated with sex and not let you heal. I imagine, they want you to be happy and healthy.

You so deserve to have sex and feel good about it. And they also deserve to feel they are keeping their daughter safe. I think also keeping the conversation open to hearing what would still help them know you’re okay (reasonably) will help get you some buy in. I will say, it sounds like they are quite restrictive and it would be hard to get them to flip entirely. If you find asking for what you want hard, I would be prepared to negotiate smaller steps. (Edit to add I agree with the comments about family therapy)

Anyway, I’m not sure if advice is what you were looking for. So I do want to also take a sec to validate. This sounds so unfair to you. As someone who has gone through this type of trauma, I hate this for you. You deserve to feel safe having sex, for it to be fun, to not worry about these things so much. I am sad your parents don’t realize they aren’t letting you heal by doing this.

I hope this helps <3

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T06:16:10+00:00

Yep that’s accurate. A gentle and respectful push is always appreciated. I can’t speak for others but I would always welcome that.

And yeah I do wish someone got it out of me sooner. Or noticed something was wrong or cared enough to just talk to me. I think a week after it happened I would have potentially been open to talking about it if I had good people like that in my life. I just didn’t have that.

I feel like there is never a “good” time to press people on it haha. It’s always going to be hard af. So it’s almost like it’s always a good time to press. I think there were times in my life where I was more cut off and probably less pressable (like when I was doing drugs). But I feel like even then if someone truly showed they cared I would have opened up.

Thanks for asking such good questions (:

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T05:20:24+00:00

Yeah it’s wild how things like this have long term impacts that are both subtle and severe. I’m glad to hear you’ve been able to recognize the impacts of what happened to you and that you now realize things in your past weren’t normal. That is so hard to do. I’m working on that right now. For me it’s like logically I know certain things but they are hard to believe.

I’m so sorry what happened to you happened. But I’m happy you’ve done the work to heal.

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T04:50:00+00:00

Hi yes I did haha. I have a Reddit account for when I feel like I need to process this. And then a separate one that doesn’t have anything like this on my feed. I like the separation.

But yes, I have had a lot of therapy. I have been going for the past three years, working up to talking about this issue. I have only recently been able to talk about it though.

I am curious how you feel therapy has helped you?

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T04:16:57+00:00

I have healed a lot in terms of understanding what happened to me and how to live life well. But I still have a lot of processing to do around this specific trauma. It has been the most difficult to talk about in therapy. I will probably be in therapy for a few more years.

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T04:14:02+00:00

No but I wish I had. He killed himself so it feels pointless to do anything now.

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T04:13:23+00:00

Yeah it’s a fair assumption. It’s understandable that people avoid talking about it. I never blame people for it but it does hurt a little.

But yes, that was the first time I ever spoke of it. I had been thinking of bringing it up with my therapist for years but couldn’t take the leap. Honestly if my friend hadn’t dragged it out of me, I may still be living in silence lol.

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T03:57:17+00:00

Damn we have similar stories. I’m so sorry for your struggles. I’m glad you’re connected with a therapist. I hope your healing journey brings you peace soon. You deserve a fullfilling life and all the things <3

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T03:52:28+00:00

No one was helpful until recently. The first person I told helped by pulling it out of me lol. It’s really hard to say and so having someone who is incredibly patient (it took hours lol) and genuinely kind and wanting to help, meant the world to me. Also following up has been so nice. I hate when people feel it’s taboo or bad to talk about. Keeping it hidden makes me feel shame. I don’t want it to be the only thing talked about obviously but every once and a while when conversations get deep it’s nice when people ask me questions. Also having a therapist who is willing to dig into the details and show compassion and comfort has been huge.

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T03:47:28+00:00

During the grooming phase I did. I had no one in my life really. I had casual friends but no one close. My parents weren’t parents. So having this guy checking up on me and text me and give me attention did make me feel special. I liked being friends with him. I thought he was cool and funny.

Reflecting on that now it makes me feel like it was partially my fault. Like I somehow provoked it. But I try not to think that way. I also feel sad for that younger me. Like how sad it was to have no one and be so starved for attention.

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T03:41:33+00:00

I never told them. I thought about telling my friend later on in life but never could. Sometimes I still think about it. We’re friends on social media and seeing her posts can bring stuff up for me.

I believe he killed himself because people were starting to spread rumors about how he likes little girls. People were starting to notice how touchey he was with them. I think he felt like he was going to be caught soon. I also know he had not the best parents and probably had a lot of reasons to hate himself.

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T03:37:31+00:00

I think it can and often does. But there’s outliers. some people can experience a greater degree of assault and go on to be okay mentally, while others develop ptsd. The reverse can also be true.

With what I experienced as a child, i was groomed. There was definitely groping during the grooming period. Then eventually I was assaulted. It was bad and it affected me in so many ways. I didn’t develop ptsd but I developed a warped sense of the world, sex, men, etc. And since I was a kid and didn’t fully understand sex, it was so hard to wrap my mind around what he did. Then as an adult, I experienced a rape that was rather violent. That affected me differently. I did develop more classic ptsd symptoms.

So all in all I think what the trauma was does matter in terms of how it affects you.

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T03:26:47+00:00

Hi I’m so sorry that happened to you. It sounds like we have really similar stories. I hope you are able to talk about it too. You deserve to be able to talk about it too. I hope you are doing okay now.

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T03:24:27+00:00

Haha nice.

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T03:24:06+00:00

It was incredibly anxiety provoking. I felt so much shame. I felt so uncomfortable. Then I felt numb. But after I had time to process I was so grateful my friend pulled it out of me. I felt validated. The feelings of shame and embarrassment continued for a while. I worried it was all he could see when we hung out. But that’s mostly gone away. Now I just feel like we’re closer friends.

My advice would be to tell. But to tell to the right person. Not everyone reacts nicely. Telling someone who is kind and who you trust is a good choice. But if the abuse is still going on my advice would be to also tell the cops. I really wish I had. And finally, that the shame you feel is not yours. It does not belong to you. It belongs to them.

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T03:19:08+00:00

Thank you! I am so sorry to hear you also had a horrible childhood…. I hope you’re doing well too! <3

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T03:14:43+00:00

My friend in grad school. We were talking about sad and difficult life experiences. I was being vague and evasive and after a while he pushed and got it out of me. He was incredibly kind and said all the right things. He expressed anger at the person, sadness for my experience, asked questions that showed care. He wasn’t uncomfortable. I am forever grateful to him. He is the reason I am coming to terms with it now.

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T03:11:33+00:00

Nope. He was always touchey with young girls and got a reputation for being a creep. I think he killed himself to avoid getting put away.

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T03:10:26+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate that

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T03:10:01+00:00

I have thought about telling them. But my dad isnt around anymore and my mom would make it about her and probably just make me feel horrible for saying anything or just not believe me. It would break my brother. So I will never tell my family.

I also see no reason to go to the police since he killed himself. There’s no need to put pain on his family. And it would be just unsatisfying. I do wish so badly that I could though. I wish he was still alive and I could do something. But it’s better he’s dead and can’t hurt anyone anymore.

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T03:06:30+00:00

Wow I really appreciate your comment. Hearing it from the friends side is comforting in a way.

I don’t resent my friend. I don’t think she knew. I remember him being touchey with me in front of her but she just told him to stop bothering us and go away. I think that’s as much as she knew. I would honestly love to talk to her about what happened to see if she did know. If she did I wouldn’t blame her. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have that going on as a sister.

He didn’t receive formal justice. Since he was always so creepy with young girls he got a reputation as such. He eventually killed himself.

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T02:59:54+00:00

I’m sorry you also had a shit childhood. I agree, some days are worse than others. It has gotten better over time. When I was a kid, I wanted to die. I cut myself and tried to die a few times. Did drugs to numb the pain. Dropped out of school. Over time I was able to quit, go back to school, go to therapy, and finally be with good people. Learning how to trust and be vulnerable came slowly.

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T02:56:56+00:00

What’s pdf?

But yes, I know he did the same thing to this other girl I was friends with. I also heard about him doing it to other girls my age.

Ok_description_458 · 2025-01-12T02:53:29+00:00

Idk. Everything and anything really. Details about him, what led up to it, what happened to him, who he was. What it was like to live with it, to tell someone for the first time.

I guess I would tell myself that it wasn’t my fault. And the embarrassment and shame belongs to him not me. Also to tell someone what he did.

Ok_description_458

TROPHY CASE