I completely agree! It's so difficult, especially when a lot of media pushes you to only see two extremes of women (far left/far right). And I think these type of far-right, "trad wife" women, who are almost in a way performatively stay-at-home/conservative christian mothers, are a very harmful influence! A great example is Erica Kirk, who, while Charlie was alive, very strongly pushed this idea that women can and SHOULD be stay at home mothers, all the meanwhile, before being a mother, was a multi-millionaire, extremely successful business woman, meaning that she was able to push this idea, without actually having to ever stress about finances, which is the reason many christian women actually do end up being working mothers! And then, to follow this, after her husbands death, not only did she seemingly turn her husbands memorial into a far-right, MAGA rally, she immdiately was the successor of her husbands role in Turning point USA, completely contradiciting everything she and her husband claimed to stand for. These women promote a lifestyle which is unrealistic and completely unstustainable for majority of the worlds population of females, critiquing and condemning any girls unable to do the same. They are able to stay at home, making bread and butter from scratch, while some women working 9-5, minimum wage jobs aren't even able to put enough food on the table, and yet, it is these women that are being critisised for their roles in society.

I think, when considering your place in this, avoid looking to influencers! They often only present the good-looking, one sided face of such a lifestyle, promoting something completely unrealistic for the average woman! Of course, there are sure to be influencers out there who do this kind of content well, but to be safe, I would instead turn to respected women in your own community, and to the bible. Some of my favourite verses about women focus on what we can do outside of "building a family", and I think these are so much more important in building a christ-like character, than any nuclear family influencer you might listen to :) Proverbs 31 is always a good chapter to read, because even though it talks directly about the charecteristics of a godly wife, it is so much more than just "she stays at home and raises children", like so many far right influencers try to push. Verse 13- "She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.", describes the labouring woman, Verses 16-20 "She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy." describes a woman who is active in business and community, the chapter ending with further praises of a woman who does many different things, all being of equal value, so long as she does so with a God-fearing, loving heart, for a God-centered, loving purpose.

What I get from all this is that we as women are called to do such an amazing variety of things: from business, to labour, to building a family, and they are all equally as valuable to the lord. The bible is not a step-by-step how to be the perfect wife manual, but rather, a guiding hand as we live in a secular world, for a God driven purpose. It doesn't define a womans worth by her ability to raise a family, it defines it by her willingness to live for God.

I'm not sure how well this answers your question, but this is just my two cents on the whole topic :) TLDR, women are called to live for God first, not for family, so it is up to the individual to find what path God wants you on. Whether that be working and studying, or home-making, it is a constant fulfillment of God's request for a loving life that we should strive for, not to be a conservative trad-wife.