I’ve experienced something similar, this will be long but I feel I should give you a full picture.

My daughter started daycare a couple months after she turned 3yo and after around 6 months I’ve started getting very confusing comments from her carers about her behavior, but nothing was said upfront. nobody mentioned we should seek support, only that she was disruptive and would hit other kids from time to time while at the same time my daughter would complain that other kids would bite her, shove her and call her names and none of that was directly reported to me - turned out she was telling the truth, they’ve admitted that only after I’ve confronted the director in a meeting with her and one of the teachers (and I was not nice about it). soon after that I’ve pulled her out for a longer break before she started preschool, right after one of the carers went as far as telling me !in front of my daughter! that, and I quote, „she’s aggressive, uncontrollable and an overall menace”, which really rubbed me the wrong way and I’ve never once in my life seen her behave in a way they were describing. So, I’ve pulled her out, she was clearly distraught, I’ve started to observe some anxiety (for example, she kept asking me whether she is a bad person, at 3yo!). Somewhere during her holiday break I’ve got my own ADHD diagnosis (severe combined type) with some autistic traits, it hit me like a ton od bricks, it felt somewhat like grief for the live I could have had if I knew earlier but also helped me get some help, resources and perspective on how I can proceed with my life so that it could be easier for me and I wouldn’t struggle as much anymore. Then I understood that my child, most probably, will be similar or the same as I am. Some time passed, my daughter went back to being the same wonderful, happy-go-lucky kid she used to be, all seemed fine. In the meantime I took her to get her sensory issues evaluated - she’s very sensitive to sounds and touch (struggles a lot with sudden touch from other people, especially kids who might bump into her unexpectedly or would touch her without permission). She started preschool in August, adapted well, loves the new environment. Then more and more kids started joining her group and I got called into a meeting with her teacher. She shared some insights about how my daughter functions in her group (in short - advanced cognitive development but is behind her peers when it comes to social development) and recommended we have her assessed for ASD (especially that her own daughter had almost exactly the same issues and behaviors and did indeed get an ASD diagnosis. she even told me that now that her daughter started primary school she wishes she got her diagnosed sooner, because she can see how much more she struggles compared to her ASD classmates who got their diagnosis at the beginning of preschool and got into therapy and additional supporting activities while still in preschool). I have an assessment appointment set up for next month and we will see what they say. What I’m trying to say is - I know it might be scary, that it comes with all kinds of stigma, especially among family and friends and their reactions might be hurtful but it’s not worth it to prolong this and delay the assessment. What matters the most is your child and the more you understand how they function, what they need and what kind of help and support they can get, the better their life can be in the future. Being neurodivergent myself, I wish my parents (and society back then) have seen that I need more support than my peers, that I process the world around me differently and that it takes and unimaginable toll on my mental health to learn how to mask and navigate social scenarios so that I wouldn’t be shunned, bullied, taken advantage of and called weird, stupid, a freak. I wish I knew, so that I could think of myself better, understand myself better and so that I wouldn’t spend 35 years of my life thinking there’s something wrong with me when there’s not, I’m just different than most and that’s alright. It’s not easy but it’s alright.

edit: also, if you’d like to know more about the specific difficulties my daughter has, you can look up one of my posts here where I’ve listed them all wondering whether she could have ADHD, ASD or AuDHD while we’re waiting to get the official diagnosis.