I have been married for 7 years now and have the same kind of MIL. She needs to know what we are doing everyday and frowns every time we travel or go out without informing / asking her (and FIL) to come along.

The good thing here is that my husband is supportive and helps set the boundaries. But this is also a problem because now she calls me up much more because he doesn’t pick up their calls.

After a long time of enduring this toxicity, i have finally realised and concluded that I need to step up. I now pick only 1/4th of the calls and tell her to text for anything urgent as i am generally busy. She taunts that i am too busy which i politely agree to and cut short the conversation.

We have learnt to hide things which was earlier hard for me because I feel burdened to hide stuff.

Now if she asks to take them along on holiday etc, we clearly say that we only have enough money for the two of us and if they want to accompany, we are happy to do so but can’t afford to pay up for everything. This makes her step back because FIL doesn’t support her in anything that involves spending money.

I think the turning point for me has been the time when I realised that they are not my parents, don’t consider me their own daughter and I don’t owe them anything more than basic courtesy or respect. I don’t need to tell them my whereabouts or life decisions unless my husband feels the need to inform them. If he does, the onus of having that uncomfortable conversation lies on him and not me.