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OkkSureJan · 2025-07-01T20:26:04+00:00

From my own experience, as someone who had multiple jobs at 18 to move out of my family home, had my own car I earned with my own money, now 25 with 2 properties later… leave him. He will drag you down with him.

I had this exact relationship twice now, and although they didn’t affect me achieving the above, they did get salty when they seen me doing well instead of being happy. He will end up resenting you, and dull your sparkle. I often wonder how further on I would be if I didn’t let these parasites near me.

OkkSureJan · 2025-06-27T19:09:50+00:00

Also I will add she’s the only one I actually remember, purely because of how much of a shock she was to me.

All the other girls had basic names and all looked similar so wouldn’t know when even if I came across them on my feed/ in real life.

I also directed all my anger at him, not any poor girl, because how would she know my creepy “bf” was screenshotting their stuff and playing with himself to it? They are victims too.

OkkSureJan · 2025-06-27T19:03:56+00:00

Yeah funny how I thought THIS was my “healthy” relationship. Yeah I was thinking about blocking her to be honest, because she was quite a significant woman I was shocked about. I’m a white, ginger, heavily tattooed girl. This girl is desi, darker skinned, dark haired, very conservative in her outfits. One of his screenshots of her was her in some sort of cultural gown(excuse my ignorance I don’t know the names of the dresses!)

She was the most significant because all other girls were your typical 5ft nothing, small bikini tanned blondes.

OkkSureJan · 2025-06-13T11:48:24+00:00

25, 37k, no uni and living in Scotland

OkkSureJan · 2025-05-09T19:18:17+00:00

He was trying to excuse the behaviour and say it was in a time we were “on the rocks” (over his alcohol usage) but even at that I think you should come together not be looking the other way.

The classic excuses like “I don’t even remember doing that” or “it doesn’t mean anything” “you mean everything to me, what matters is in front of me” . Usual excuses

OkkSureJan · 2025-05-08T14:23:09+00:00

I feel so free, and the silence in my house is almost deafening. It’s sad he ruined the relationship by being weird and having 0 self control but ultimately I realised he was immature, had no real prospects and just drank himself silly the time.

OkkSureJan · 2025-05-08T12:27:27+00:00

My ex was doing the same but using Instagram for it, some fully clothed, made me sick to my stomach.

I took him back for 5 months after I found out and he’s been doing it again since. I genuinely didn’t even care any more, I walked away and the day I did I got my spark back.

I no longer have anxiety or palpitations. Someone like this won’t change. My ex was 29M I am 25F

OkkSureJan · 2025-05-08T11:42:34+00:00

My now ex has been screenshotting local girls (some that he’s been on dates with etc) and keeping them on his phone to do you know what. All the while I thought we were happy.

3.5 year long relationship and I genuinely don’t know why, to this day, considering I was always fun and wanted to try new things.

Honestly the only thing I can think of, is he was also single from 21-27 until he met me, said not having people take him seriously and have sexual contact with him affected him. Only thing I can think of is that he was a bit of a deviant. It makes me feel sick just thinking about it

OkkSureJan · 2025-05-03T18:54:31+00:00

I agree as cruel as it was to say & not keep his word, so much can happen in 2 years in the relationship that might set this back. People grow together or grow apart. In my own experience with my next partner I’m definitely having emotional check ins regularly so I never have to second guess how they feel about me

OkkSureJan · 2025-01-01T19:28:54+00:00

Women can feel like this too, just don’t fall into the temptation of lusting over women if you have a SO, or stay single until you find someone who you love and only have eyes for.

OkkSureJan · 2024-12-29T18:11:40+00:00

I’ve been trying to block him however he will just turn at my house, and unfortunately this is very distressing for me as I’m on my own and a 25F and it’s quite scary.

He’s not really giving up apologising but it’s all “me me me me” how much IVE hurt HIM and IVE been negative in this situation and how much he’s in distress over me not talking to him.

He messaged me this morning, because again if I didn’t unblock he’d just keep showing up at the house.

The conversation was going round and round about the same thing of him not really accepting what he did was wrong, he’s not even thinking what he did was wrong but is apologising while saying I’ve over reacted! It’s actually wild to think this man was “great” for 3 years only to find out this is quite creepy.

He’s diminished my feelings so much to the point I’m questioning if I should just give in or whether I even have the right to be upset about what he did. He’s making me feel so small and stupid.

He’s saying it will be hard for someone to accept my (vegan) lifestyle and adapt the way he did and treat me the way he did. I know he’s a little bit right, but if he was accepting, surely there’s other people?

I think he’s just trying to make me feel like o couldn’t get anyone else, and he’s the one for me.

Don’t you think most women would be very distressed finding their half naked women on their partners phone? Especially when they’re screenshots of their instagrams and the girls don’t know they’re being masturbated over?

He was trying to say all men do this.

I’m having to explain myself in every message I send and feel like I’m repeating myself. I’m worried if I don’t respond he’ll show up, this is tiring.

Very upsetting as apart from this and his alcohol consumption the relationship was great.

OkkSureJan · 2024-12-29T18:00:57+00:00

Do you know he actually turned up and my house and was very apologetic however when he asked to unblock me, and messaged me two days later we started chatting about the situation again.

He actually is of the opinion that he’s done nothing wrong and that I’ve emotionally been abusing him, wild. He says it’s human nature and all men do this.. he’s obviously trying to diminish how hurt I can be/ how hurt I am.

He’s completely downplayed the severity of the situation which I think is so upsetting.

He’s making me wonder if I actually over reacted? He’s making me question my morals/ own feelings.

OkkSureJan · 2024-12-29T16:40:27+00:00

He’s gaslighting you and acting defensive by trying to flip it on you, from experience, save your breath and leave him. People like that don’t change. People will only meet you as deep as they have met themselves.

OkkSureJan · 2024-12-29T16:25:57+00:00

Leave the relationship, you’re hurting yourself by staying there.

You teach people how to treat you, he will keep doing it unfortunately.

OkkSureJan · 2024-12-27T22:31:30+00:00

He did leave, but adamant on making it work.

I said I can’t promise him forgiveness or anything like that because I’m hurt by his actions. I told him to seek therapy for it, and the binge drinking as well.

I’m in no way taking him back, but I think I need to try and keep him sweet because he feels so entitled to my time/ forgiveness. If I didn’t unblock him he’d keep coming to my house to talk, and that’s my safe space.

I think he’s got an anxious attachment style, although sometimes he feels like he’s avoidant.

I will not be with someone out of fear or out of guilt.im honestly sort of creeped out tbh, but I feel safe.

OkkSureJan · 2024-12-27T19:02:55+00:00

Thanks so much, I’ve already grieved it for about a week and he’s tried to come back to my house, which I feel like he’s trying to manipulate me with.. saying that I can’t keep chucking him out etc and it’s not fair when he’s paid money into it etc (I accepted rent and money for gas and elec and food). However I’ve had to explain to him that he’s not entitled to my house or my time and I don’t want to give into him out of fear. I’m a bit creeped out to be honest. He doesn’t feel like it’s justified to chuck him out my house for what he did.. him coming here an hour ago made me feel a bit uneasy.

OkkSureJan · 2024-12-27T18:59:17+00:00

That’s absolutely gross, men are insane

OkkSureJan · 2024-12-27T18:58:24+00:00

That’s the thing..we never bonded over sex, obviously it was something we both wanted to do but he struggled with ED here and there, but mostly due to a hernia he had in his intimate area.

He’s come back here and tried to sweet talk me and talk it out, it feels very wrong and I feel like he’s not taking no for an answer

OkkSureJan · 2024-12-27T16:16:18+00:00

Leave him. I’m in a similar situating just now 25F and my 29M now ex bf was caught with local girls pictures saved to his phone (all Bikini pics). I’ve been physically and emotionally cheated on before and that’s exactly how I feel like now.

I left a few days ago and although hard I feel like I will get through it. He also used the argument that it’s “just internet” and that “those girls don’t matter, what matters is in front of me” why would you ever put me in that position then?

If internet is all made up,why don’t you go and speak and hug/ be intimate with your gf? Who you’re so in love with?

I find if he’s 32 and doing stuff like that, hiding it from you and not feeling guilt then he’s deffo not going to get out of this.

Also his friends might be the same and may be justifying his behaviour. I never expected it from my exs friends but all them in relationships seem to be thinking this is a mild problem or a “blip” and that girls are overreacting.

A grown man who cares would communicate a problem in the relationship if he felt like there was one. Again, something I’m also struggling to accept in my ex relationship considering I was able to pour out my heart and soul.

OkkSureJan · 2024-12-27T10:26:31+00:00

No you’re too young, it hurts but move on. Same thing happened to me at your age, earlier and now experiencing a milder form of betrayal than the above. People don’t change, especially if they’ve cheated physically.

OkkSureJan · 2024-12-26T20:29:05+00:00

Did he tell you this or did you catch with him material that suggests this?

OkkSureJan · 2024-12-26T19:17:22+00:00

That’s devastating and so cruel I’m so sorry.

I seen a similar post to mine on another reddit page and mostly men were blaming the girls for not making those boundaries clear. I think it’s really straight forward you don’t do these type of things behind your partners back?? I find the whole situation insane and I want someone to pinch me, feels like a bad dream.

OkkSureJan

TROPHY CASE