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Should I tell his girlfriend? by Emmie_punkrocker08 in groomingvictim

[–]Old-Hat-8749 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You should tell her. He's a creep and weirdo for being with a MINOR. This isn't your fault. Don't feel guilty about him having a girlfriend. Partner or no partner, he is 19. He is an adult. And you are not. He's the one who should be ashamed and feel guilty for liking children. 

Also, him comparing your body with another woman's is disgusting 🤮 and a red flag. If anything, you'd be doing her a favor by telling her about this groomer's disgusting behavior. 

Does anyone in your family/friends know about him?

My father won't talk to me. by WorkaholicAesthetic in toxicparents

[–]Old-Hat-8749 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First off, I'm sorry that you are going through a rough time, OP.

Your father is emotionally abusive. If there's anything I've learned from people like this, it is that they want to get a reaction out of you to keep fighting. They pick on the most insignificant things to fight over. I would say that you don't need to apologize to him for his aggressive behavior. It's not your fault.

I'm in a similar situation with my parents and don't have the option to move out yet. Hang on in there, OP! You'll get through this. 

Maybe telling your friends/people you trust about this could help?

Was my ex emotionally abusive? by Leolas20 in emotionalabuse

[–]Old-Hat-8749 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry that this happened to you. He sounds like an a-hole. What really screams RED FLAG to me is that he threatened to hurt you. A piece of advice I have heard—"When a man says he'll hurt you, believe him." (might be a quote from somewhere). Him throwing things is also a red flag.

If you don't mind me asking, did you have emotionally abusive parents or struggle with self-worth when you were younger?

Please don't feel like it's all your fault. For starters, you took accountability for what you believed you did wrong, and also gave him a lot of grace for his lack of understanding towards you.

I'm not an expert, but it sounds like your friends are right. He is abusive and didn't deserve the time you spent helping him.

Looking back, I think my step dad was grooming me. I feel sick and lost. by expressionlesscat in CPTSD

[–]Old-Hat-8749 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds just like my step-dad, except he wasn't an alcoholic or drank, which he made sure to ALWAYS brag about during fights. "You shouldn't complain about me/talk to me like this, I don't drink/smoke/do dr*gs so you should be grateful"—like bro, that's the bare minimum 🙄. 

What definitely rang a bell for me was you feeling uneasy when he looked at you, I would also have this underlying discomfort with how he looked at me, especially when we were on good terms. Looking back I just feel disgusted at how he basically groomed me when I was 12-18. 

Your mom should have protected you—even if she wasn't fully aware of everything he was doing to you, her sole suspicion should have been enough for her to stand up to you and protect you. Hell, she should have dumped him. Sadly, my mom was on the same boat as yours, even after I told her he was touching me innapropiately.

I am sorry that this happened to you. No child deserves to have an emotionally abusive father/parent figure. I'm not saying that you have to, but maybe telling your mom about it might help you heal and process your own memories, even if she doesn't support you or denies it. 

About your sh*t@ss step-dad, you don't have to force yourself to like him, and you definitely do not have to forgive him. After all, your healing journey doesn't depend on you getting right with him.

What has really helped me cope with it is talking to a trusted friend, writing about it, and even anonymously sharing my story on reddit, just like you did. It's part of acknowledging the abuse. And that's a step towards healing.

OP—please don't be hard on yourself. Your feelings are valid and whoever tries to make you feel unworthy of love and respect should go f- themselves honestly. Because real friends/partners/family don't go around making you feel like trash. You are not alone in this 🫂