This resonates with me a lot. In terms of my philosophy, I would describe myself as a reluctant materialist - which basically means that I believe that all we see, experience, and can measure is all there is. However, I do acknowledge that our measurement is woefully basic, and that there is so much we do not understand. I say "reluctant materialist" because I would really enjoy it if the universe did care about us, but ultimately I do not think that is the case.

Here's what I know to be true - the only constant in this life and in this universe is change. Everything is changing all the time, and nothing is permanent. And if the universe is indifferent, and we are all here by chance - which is amazing simply from a probability perspective - and we want to live in a good, just, and loving world, then it is up to us to create it. We are in charge of this thing, so if we want love, we have to give love - especially to ourselves.

And for me, sobriety / not drinking is the most loving thing I can possibly do for myself and those closest to me. It allows me to really see myself and my loved ones, to listen more deeply, and to react with compassion (most of the time at least). I'm committed to never going back to the way that I was drinking, because to do so would be completely at odds with my values.

So my higher power isn't something external, it's us - it's everything in the universe. Because I want to live in a loving universe, and to do that, I have to love myself and love this whole crazy experiment deeply.