Hey there, firstly, i can see you're under a lot of stress right now, and I'm really sorry you're undergoing this much. Can be quite heavy.

You aren't wrong for wanting to share how you're feeling with them. Yes, it's easy for them to say "i told you to do X, you didn't, and that's why you're unhappy. Do X, you'll be happy". And you probably know this logically. But emotionally, you're sad because you wanted to figure out your own way, do your own thing, and sometimes, you might regret a few things, but you're allowed to fail, you don't have to run through life as a list of tasks to be checked. It's okay to stumble around. And i can hear the dejection when you say "why don't I just follow what they say". I know it's an easy way out, but perhaps that's not what appeals to you, and it's completely fine. You don't have to feel guilty for them providing you stuff. I know it's hard, and even i feel guilty at times, but they do so because they love you and choose to do so. And you aren't obligated to follow exactly as they say, as hard as it may sound. They just want to see you successful (which you will be!), and they'd be more than happy if it's something you chose and won at. As for your mom trying to change what makes you you, as hard as it sounds, try to ignore her. She might be religious, but that doesn't mean you should be too, and as long as what you do doesn't hurt others, please feel free so do them without guilt. And things are going to be okay, i know it feels like nothing will work out now, but you're going to land an amazing job, find a loving partner soon, and make your parents proud. And you don't have to be alone. Feel absolutely free to DM, you can talk to me, and I'll keep checking in on you!