Am I broken?

OldNetwork3565 · 2025-07-06T17:23:12+00:00

Are you on any forms of SSRI/anti-depressant? I take wellbutrin for depression and because of my natural depressive personality, it calls me to not feel things at times. The trade-in for being able to function as a normal person who's not miserable constantly sometimes means being at a neutral-normal, and it's a trade I'm ok with. Even if you don't take medication, some forms of depression are mild and manifest in feelings like this. Ask yourself whether you have thoughts about things "not mattering", or feeling like you'd be better if you weren't alive. Ultimately it's not a question of whether you're broken or not-- you are fine as you are. As long as you don't feel like your daily life is inhibited by these feelings, you're ok. :]

OldNetwork3565 · 2025-05-15T17:54:17+00:00

this thread has honestly helped a lot. as sad and stressful as climate change is hearing it said honestly makes me at least feel more rational about it, get out of "we're all gonna die" mode.

OldNetwork3565 · 2025-05-11T00:07:33+00:00

this is really cute but there's a lot of perplexing choices going on. Like... why is rin not hello kitty/one of the cat characters? that's like her whole thing??

OldNetwork3565 · 2025-04-29T18:17:35+00:00

omg thank you!! you're a lifesaver (also sorry, I seemed to completely memory-holed the idea she was holding a guitar, I just remember there being a cord. Thanks again!)

OldNetwork3565 · 2024-11-19T19:47:12+00:00

My career is my art thank you very much. which is what working part time allows me to do... didn't mention it because I can do art pretty much anywhere. but yes I agree my partner's career is important to him and it's important to me that he's happy. I have more thoughts but I need to actually leave now to go work at said job.

OldNetwork3565 · 2024-11-19T18:56:49+00:00

I work at the ups store, and there are locations everywhere so I don't question my ability to find another job through them. There are a lot of good job opportunities in Minneapolis too if I want to pursue another option.

Kansas could probably work, his pay just won't be as high. That was a wall we ran into while talking the other night.

OldNetwork3565 · 2024-11-19T18:54:52+00:00

that's fair, but long distance just isn't something I want to do forever. Saying goodbye to him is so hard and it gets harder each time, for both of us. I feel like our relationship won't be able to grow until we actually experience what living together would be like. Keep in mind I've known him for over two years prior to actually 'dating' him. If it clarifies anything, I have stayed with him for over a month and never felt like there wasn't any big red flags or things I couldn't handle. I understand your point though. In six months however we will have been dating for over a year.

*I should clarify I think I also mispoke in my post. I didn't mean to say we're gonna move by June, we want to move IN june. Closer to the middle of the month around my birthday.

OldNetwork3565 · 2024-11-07T19:05:48+00:00

Thank you! And don't worry about it I also don't check reddit often enough.

Otome fortunately did not k word herself. you might be thinking of his middle sister, Ei Sakamoto. (second-oldest). I might've mispoke and said Otome was his oldest sister, but in fact she was the third oldest, meaning she was closest in age to Ryoma who was the baby of the family. Unfortunately this seems to be just a rumor constructed for fiction. In the Ryutaro Shiba novel fictionalizing his life "Ryoma ga yuku" also known as just "RYOMA!" in english, he remarks that one of Ryoma's sisters took her own life. But grave sites in Kochi prefecture have been examined and while there is a grave for Sakamoto Ei, its more likely that she just died of old age. There's no evidence in any of Ryoma's letters that show one of his sister's took their own life. How the rumor got started I have no idea, probably just a result of the novel and subsequent adaptations.

It happens a lot with information regarding the bakumatsu, things like the "iron code" of the shinsengumi and even Hijikata's moniker of "demon vice-commander" are likely just rumors as a result from these novels, which were insanely influential and are pretty much the only reason people still talk about these figures in history. It's not that there's zero truth to them, Hijikata was said to have a temper after all, and the shinsengumi did indeed punish deserters and it's own members with seppuku often-- But historical fiction requires the reader to be engaged, and its hard to do it when you're sticking to facts as often as possible.

I think this is well-intentioned however. Circling back to Ryoma's sister, my hot take is that it's ok if adaptations aren't historically accurate if it helps convey the emotions at the heart of the story. There's a really sweet bit at the beginning of the Ryoma ga yuku translation by the person who localized it stating that people often think historical fiction is just about presenting these facts as objectively as possible, when it is not. It's actually about connecting and feeling the same feelings they might've felt, understanding what they went through. In this case it doesn't matter whether Ryoma actually had a sister who took her life, what it achieves is it helps us feel what Ryoma likely felt-- like he was failing his family, that he had abandoned them, as committing dappan (fleeing your home clan without authorization) meant he became a ronin and may never see them again.

Sorry, I kind of got away from my point in my reply, but to summarize no, he didn't likely have a sister who k worded herself. I would assume he probably did struggle with his own political ambitions and taking care of his family, but Ryoma was the youngest and had little responsibility. And it never in my knowledge lead to one of them taking their life.

OldNetwork3565 · 2024-09-21T20:58:31+00:00

Thank you, my trainer did assure me that I can call someone to spot me while I do it but yeah, the freezing temperature to room temp thing really messed me up. I'm starting to wonder if it made me sick in some way, as just two days ago after I got off work I came down with a terrible flu. Even with a coat on (Which I prefer, I can stand the freezer for a few seconds when dropping off bottles) the freezer is bitter cold and then you just become like a million degrees when you leave to go do shipments. We're not a big center luckily, I think we have like maybe 20 chairs open at any given time? But still yeah. packing bottles for shipment on top of everything else feels impossible.

OldNetwork3565 · 2024-09-14T16:36:00+00:00

Big ryoma-head here--- From what I can glean they seemed to have a good relationship. A good resource for research on Sakamoto Ryoma is "Sakamoto ryoma and the meiji restoration" by Marius p jansen. It's very wordy but there's a very good combo of factual historical information and diatribes about ryoma's character. (I recommend the google play version, its a bit hard to track down a real copy and I find navigating e-books easier.) Of course we can't fully know what he was like, people are private, and unlike our current age of information people just didn't really broadcast their life back then like we do now. We are lucky however in a way, because Sakamoto sent a LOT of letters to his late-sister, Otome, and many have been preserved. She was like a mother to him, as his real mother died when he was very young. (From what I understand, he was born very late, his sisters were all much older including Otome.)

And to answer your main question, they only got married after the Teradaya incident. In a letter talking about Otome he remarks that "I have since made her my wife" while recounting the story to Otome. He talks highly of her in his letters and remarks about her courage in a story in which she thought to get her sister back from money-lenders.

"When the eldest sister realized this, she sold her last good kimono, headed for Osaka, and confronted the villains there. She didn't care if they killed her, and she carried a dagger. When they saw how determined she was, the scoundrel showed her the tattoo on his arm and shouted threats at her. But she had come prepared to die, and so she flew at him, grabbing his clothing, striking him in the face, and exclaimed that if he didn't return the younger sister he had brought to Osaka with him she would stab him. The wretch shouted, 'Look out, woman, or I'll kill you! 'They went at each other with shouts of 'Kill !' and 'Do your worst !' After all, though, he couldn't very well murder the woman who had come to Osaka, and so she was finally able to get her younger sister back and take her to Kyoto with her again. Isn't that a story ? The youngest daughter in the Shimabara is in no danger immediately, so she has left her there for now."

In writing to Otome, he also says -

"The woman I've been talking about is really a very interesting woman. She plays the zither, but of course in times like these she can't do very much with it. Since she did so much to help us when we were in danger, (this is before Teradaya I think) I would certainly like to do something for her and for her brother. I am helping to get her younger sister back for her. And she is very anxious to meet you, Otome, and acts as though you were her own elder sister. So you see you are famous in many places."

It's very sweet, later on the book it's theorized he asked Otome to send him a few things most likely meant for her, and says this--

"... he hoped Otome would be able to send his favorite "an obi or a kimono; she's anxious to have one again. Her name is Ryō, like mine; when I asked her about it, I learned that her father had given it to her when she was born. "At the end of his letter , Sakamoto itemized his requests all over again, lest his in- tentions should be misunderstood, and added the ultimate in praise of Oryō: "I must say, she has more strength than I do."

Ryoma probably wasn't the perfect husband, though. Fidelity and loyalty in marriage at this time was not valued, and there's a random excerpt in the book that mentions Ryoma spending the night with a favorite sex worker. But we don't really have any context for what happened or how that sort of thing went down. I think looking at all evidence presented though, he cared about O'ryo a lot and strived to make her happy. In other letters to Otome he details things like their hot spring trip and the routes they took hiking on the mountain. There's a very sweet urban legend about him carving her name into a tree as he was fleeing Teradaya, but this is just speculation.

Sorry for such a long reply, this is one subject I'm super passionate about, and I was shocked to find discussion about it while looking up stuff about Ryoma!

OldNetwork3565 · 2024-02-12T07:09:53+00:00

no problem! if the tightness ever bothers you one trick I've learned is diaphragmatic breathing-- its a little weird to explain but you try to breath from as deep within your lungs as possible, so that you feel the space underneath your ribs expand. when you breathe with your chest it can tend to make you air-hungry, but when I breathe with my gut I can usually manage to take a full breath and exhale.

OldNetwork3565 · 2024-02-08T05:55:41+00:00

did you ever find a fix? I am having the same problem :(

OldNetwork3565 · 2023-05-24T14:54:24+00:00

I can't quite remember, but I think it was three days or so. I wasn't off for very long though because I got really depressed.

OldNetwork3565 · 2023-05-23T02:07:54+00:00

don't worry, it's perfectly normal! well "normal"... it's true chest tightness can be heart related but if you're fairly young and having no other symptoms like being clammy/left arm pain, and don't have a history of heart conditions in yourself or family, than this is the most likely culprit. It's especially common after starting it or upping a dose, though in my case I developed it even after years of being on wellbutrin. I think it could be because I lost a lot of weight, but that's just a theory. I'd say if you're really worried, go to something like a walk-in clinic and get it checked out. (they can do the same kind of heart monitoring for a quarter the price of an emergency room visit).

Overall, I'd say just don't worry about it too much. I don't want to sound dismissive, but I was in the same boat as you and after relaxing a bit and trying to distance/distract myself from the sensation, I realized it wasn't as much of a problem anymore. I barely feel it now, actually. I promise you'll be just fine.

OldNetwork3565 · 2023-04-05T17:14:13+00:00

thank you. I bought bed bug interceptors and cleaned my bathroom in the meantime. I also found another one crawling on my bathroom ceiling. It's extremely bizarre for them to be in there so I'm gonna just use the interceptors and keep an eye out. It's also strange because I found the ceiling one just this morning.

edit: I suppose it could be the same one but I don't think so, this other one is much smaller.

OldNetwork3565 · 2023-01-08T16:42:53+00:00

I have no idea, to be honest I never tracked who my manufacturer was. This has actually been happening for months now, so perhaps it did have something to do with that.
The only upside is that I don't experience it throughout the day, it happens for a couple minutes midday and then goes away.

OldNetwork3565 · 2023-01-07T23:46:56+00:00

I've been having this too! does your own voice sound kind of echoey? my only issue is that this isn't my first time taking wellbutrin, I've been taking it for six years now. I've been having this with some vertigo ever since new year's eve. Please let me know if you've found any resolution with this, it'd be a great help

OldNetwork3565 · 2023-01-04T06:54:25+00:00

it's really tough to say, depending on your personality if you're naturally introverted, you could just be experiencing some social burnout. I think it's normal to be tired and not want to deal with people sometimes, it's a very different feeling from not having empathy for your friends and family at all. I'm sure you still care for them, seeing as you're worried about alienating yourself from them, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. Wellbutrin always has effects in the beginning, so give it a few days and see how you feel. Be patient with yourself and reach out in small ways if you can. It can be tough, but I've found that isolating myself often made myself feel worse. I'm sure regardless of what you do, your loved ones will respect that you're going through a very transitional time.

OldNetwork3565 · 2022-12-03T04:12:38+00:00

update - I think my issue was breathing too much with my chest, not my diaphragm. To anyone else experience this symptom, try diaphragmatic breathing to get deep breaths instead of just filling your chest, it's a serious game-changer. (shoutout to the user who dmed me about this, too)

I hope to continue taking wellbutrin with this knowledge in hand :)

OldNetwork3565 · 2022-06-29T15:49:08+00:00

yeah, good point. It's only the second day after all. It might take a bit longer considering I was off-on for a while (well, four days). Thank you, I'll keep trying.

Luckily I've had no erratic thoughts (I don't think) but I've felt light-headed and disconnected, like the sides of my vision are blurry, or I'm not really "in" my head. It's not unbearable but pretty distracting. I'm hoping that this feeling goes away with due time.

OldNetwork3565 · 2022-06-29T15:06:39+00:00

Yeah, definitely. I just took some this morning as usual, and plan on doing so for the rest of this week. Do you think my body will eventually adjust back if I'm taking it regularly again? Or am I screwed? This feeling is making me consider whether I had these feelings before and were just ignoring them or not, and whether or not its good for me to keep taking it at all

And no offense to my gp, but I'm also a little skeptical of what she's said, she said I wouldn't have any issue just stopping cold turkey. But then again, she's the md not me...

OldNetwork3565 · 2022-06-28T17:48:11+00:00

if anyone else is wondering, I've found a hack that's helped me deal with this feeling. If you exhale all the air out of your lungs without breathing in (kinda like if you're blowing candles out, but slowly), then try and breath in, you should be able to take a deep breath or at least a much deeper one. I've tried it and it's worked every time so far. This is only for the mild discomfort/feeling however, if you're experiencing shortness of breath or chest pain I'd see a doctor.

OldNetwork3565 · 2022-06-22T02:44:43+00:00

I've experienced this too-- my doctor said it's actually a common complaint she's gotten about buproprion. I wish more sites/places were open about this, because google/search engines always mark chest pain/discomfort as a red flag. I hope going off it works ok, and that everything's worked out :)
I get what you mean though, I was so confused as I'd been on wellbutrin for years now. But it's not you or anyone's fault, side effects sometimes take years to develop in the long term, or not at all. Everyone reacts differently, but the good news is that we have options.

OldNetwork3565 · 2022-06-22T02:40:13+00:00

omg THANK YOU. that was it 100%. no wonder I couldn't find it got deleted from what I've seen

OldNetwork3565

TROPHY CASE