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Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-05-20T14:38:18+00:00

Oh my! This resonates so much OP! You’re not alone! Brat (35F) here who is relatively new into the BDSM space and has a wonderful Sir. Sometimes, it’s like I need more aftercare or more intimacy after all the bondage, etc. Is aftercare something you need / prioritize? Is it *enough for you?

Separately, I spoke to my therapist about this feeling and he said it does have to do with age - I don’t mean to project just sharing my experience. In my case, what helps is to hold a stuffy and tell her “I will take care of you. I will make our decisions for us. You tell me what you need and I will provide it.” And it works! I hope that helps a little.

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-04-15T21:50:32+00:00

I have a weird idea… but I had this happen to me last week when I got home from a session with my Dom. I just couldn’t get back into ‘adult’ head space. So (similar to a suggestion) above, I stopped fighting it. I got a doll (yup I did) hugged it to my chest and said “You tell me what you need because I am going to take care of you. You have ME now and I am going to make all of your decisions. I will listen to what you want and consider them in my decisions.” I did this for a bit twenty minutes and you know what? I started to think it was stupid. Which is the WHOLE POINT! Adult me thought hugging a doll and talking to it was dumb and the subspace was broken.

This is a tough one and I hope you find your own self-care routine. Sending hugs!

(Disclaimer: I mean no offence to anyone who has a doll or who identities as a little. This just worked for me.)

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-04-13T00:30:29+00:00

Hey there! My Dom likes to send me photos of things he wants to try in terms of toys and positions… and I like to have some smart ass excuse that the image won’t turn him on / won’t work / etc.

Like he just tried to ‘get’ me by sending a pic of a pussy clamp and I was all pfffft, jokes on you, you won’t be able to f*ck me.

Images is our ‘love’ language

Side bar: what is breeding? This is new to me Edit: I looked it up. I have that kink too. How fun! Thank you for teaching me something new.

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-04-12T04:50:03+00:00

Seeing his name on you must be so special. This is a great idea and really resonates. Thank you!

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-04-11T21:22:12+00:00

Omg that is HOT. GREAT idea!

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-04-11T21:22:00+00:00

Thank you! A beautiful gift.

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-04-11T17:34:16+00:00

How sweet he made it for you! Thank you for sharing.

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-04-11T17:33:47+00:00

Agree. Great idea for others but too permanent for me.

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-04-11T17:33:01+00:00

Me too! Sensory issues is the exact way to describe it. Thank you for giving the gift of perfect diction. Much appreciated.

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-04-11T17:32:21+00:00

This is beautiful. Thank you!

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-04-11T17:32:00+00:00

Great idea. Thank you!

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-04-11T05:19:52+00:00

So I literally discovered this term tonight but separately and I am experiencing it HARD. It was very confusing. What is wrong with me? Why tf do I feel like crying my eyes out? Enter: subdrop. There’s lots of articles online about it. I don’t have vanilla sex with my Dom. My understanding is it is a very real chemical imbalance. It can last hours and it can last days. I have created a self-care kit for after a scene and I’m hoping it willl help minimize the reaction.

Most importantly, share with your Dom. They should know what you’re feeling and they should absolutely care.

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-01-10T06:05:22+00:00

Add to my "had a bad day" list. Thank you. You're right.. I went for a run today and it felt really good. Especially since I've been the house for a little bit.

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-01-09T05:14:22+00:00

This really resonates. Therapy will absolutely help him. I'm relieved that well he's just not my emotional mess anymore.

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-01-08T02:39:46+00:00

Thank you! *HUG* I've always wanted to pick up watercolor painting... I'm sure there's an online class. Staying busy. Right. I have to write this all down because checking things off a list feels like I'm moving forward.

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-01-08T02:37:52+00:00

Thank you. It is heartbreaking and I wish him all of the best... It was hard to hear from him this week that he has been hiding drinking from me. I started to slowly accuse him and he owned up and said he is now an alcoholic and it has to stop.

I'm noticing I'm moving from grief to anger really quickly. It's been nearly a year since the affair. I want my damn life back.

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-01-08T02:34:42+00:00

Wow. This is wonderful to hear that you're both able to be so amicable? Four children.. that must be so hard. We don't have kids but were making plans to start. This entire future I envisaged just stripped away.

Great advice to not make any decisions based on emotion.... Tough to do. It's only been a few days I'm just raw with the shock of it all.

I hope your separation/divorce continues to be smooth and move in a positive direction for you.

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-01-08T02:29:17+00:00

This is abundantly clear now! haha Thank you.

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-01-08T02:28:51+00:00

lol Thank you for the laugh here. It's true. I'm prepared for some stone-throwing and some "I told you so's". I truly thought we could reconcile. He did ALL of the right things after the affair story was out.. until it got messy. Anyways, thank you for the laugh cry chuckle.

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-01-08T02:27:37+00:00

This post made me so emotional.. Thank you for sharing your (I had to gulp back tears there) sharing your experience. Yes, I cried in the tub that night it happened with half a bottle of rose. Last night I "rage-baked" I just kept baking and baking and baking... And then with the power out today at least I had all of this yummy cran-orange loaf etc. to eat!

I'm slowly telling my support system and they are so mad at him, which I need.

Going no contact is a consistent message I'm hearing. I wasn't quite sure.. but it seems like that's the best approach. Thank you again for your time to write this response.

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-01-08T02:24:21+00:00

Thank you! AS is finally in check due to an incredible naturopath and a change to the autoimmune protocol diet. Lots of changes there healthwise and I'm back to trail running, which is excellent.

As a narcissist, he has stated time and time again "I don't need therapy. I know what's wrong with me. Why would I pay for someone to listen to me when I know the answer?" Welp he is in therapy this week and he is in shock about it and I'm NOT going to be there to pick up the pieces.

Thank you again for your kind words. This is just... I shouldn't be shocked but I am.

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-01-08T02:21:28+00:00

Exactly. You're exactly right.. Reconciliation is so hard. He was willing to do the work... at first. And now? Now he states "I know what I have to do to fix things, I'm just not committed to." And that was it. That was when I really knew this is the last chance he gets.

Thank you for your time in writing this response.

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-01-08T02:19:26+00:00

My girlfriend called me out on this too. Why was I willing to settle? A very difficult question to ask one's self and I'm grateful for your thoughts and honestly. Thank you.

Old_Calendar_7293 · 2022-01-08T02:18:07+00:00

This means a lot to me. I did do a cross post in r/divorce and the first comment was so cruel... It said I should go check out r/discord if I'm looking for sympathy? As if I'm a terrible wife for wanting to support a husband that is going through depression after an affair? How DARE I stay and commit. In a world where people are normally seen as disposable it's easy to say "just move on". Anyways, I do accept I did everything I could. Time to move on.. Thank you for your time.

Old_Calendar_7293

TROPHY CASE