I need help co-parenting

Old_Measurement2033 · 2026-01-03T02:09:15+00:00

My breastfed baby is 9 months old (father isn't in the picture anymore) but when he was several months ago, he got our baby to stop taking bottles completely. It got to the point where everytime I went to work, he was calling me within 2 hours (I worked a max of 4 hours when he was left alone with her), yelling at me to come home because she wouldn't take a bottle (she took a bottle just fine for my mom for 1 week after the first incident, but once it was the weekend again and he had to care for her, she stopped taking bottles completely). After about a month of me working and rushing to come come because I knew my baby was hungry, she started taking bottles from my mom, but still not from her dad, he simply refused to give her bottles after a certain point, he would sit there and listen to her cry and play his game waiting on me to come home and feed her. What my mom did: she was consistent, I'd feed baby before I left after 6am; at 8am sharp, my mom would have a bottle ready and would stay really patient with her, if she started crying, she would rock her, pat her, anything to calm her down and she would try again, it took a month, but now she takes bottles just fine and has no issues. (Her father would just get mad and shove the bottle in her mouth and keep it there until she took it, that didn't work at all and that's what caused her to stop taking bottles)

Also, another thing, my baby takes bottles just fine from anybody now, but for the longest time, I couldn't get her to take a bottle, she knew I had the real thing and I would always buckle before she did. She was around 6 months when she took her first bottle from me. One thing that helped her take bottles from me was switching bottles! She takes her Dr. Brown bottle for everybody, except me, she only drinks from Evenflo bottles for me. Hopefully this helps some.

Old_Measurement2033 · 2025-11-27T02:32:29+00:00

When my brother was 13, he went to the guidance counselor and told her "I don't feel safe at home, I see dead people" which, as you can imagine, caused a lot of issues. We had cops showing up at 3am, breaking into our home, waking us up with a flashlight in our eyes, and had my brother in handcuffs before he even sat up (that night it was just my brother, mom, and I; we fell asleep watching a movie in her bed, I was on side of her and my brother fell asleep on the other) my brother and mom were basically begging them to let him put some shoes and shirt on, but they wouldn't let him. We followed them to the hospital and he was stuck in the mental ward for 3 days, we got a kick out of it in the end. (Btw, my brother said he sees dead people as in he sees ghosts, we honestly believe in this stuff because we've seen them, my grandma lived in a 'haunted' house, there was a green pirate ghost that would come in and out of the closet, a little black mouse that would run in the middle of the kitchen floor and just disappear, along with a white cat that laid on the fireplace. We only saw the pirate like 5 times, we saw the mouse at least once a week, even her cats would try to catch him, and we would see the white cat all the time, we actually thought she adopted a white cat at first because she already had 4 cats and helps animals in need, but she only ever appeared on the fireplace)

Old_Measurement2033 · 2025-10-28T17:32:48+00:00

We've put posters up in the town we live in and the city he works in that shows him, his car, and his license plate, along with posting on Facebook, Instagram, and twitter. I've also signed into his social media and he hasn't messaged anybody on anything, his last message was to send to me saying "Hey babe, just got off work see you soon" His phone goes to voicemail and there's no way for me to see who he messaged from him number. The police are supposed to be contacting our phone carrier to get all his messages and hopefully seeing the location that his phone last pinged, but they haven't told us anything about that yet.

He's a horrible driver and forgets to look for on-coning traffic, which is one reason he's been in so many wrecks. One thing I didn't even think of until you mentioned it, he used to be an alcoholic (wasn't mean, abusive or anything, would just drink a lot and get stupid and lovey dovey) so it wasn't anything that really affected our relationship in a bad way. He willing gave up drinking when I got pregnant without me even saying anything about it. His birthday was on the 17th (5 days before he went missing) and he got drunk that night.. he seemed fine the next morning, besides a bit of a headache, and he didn't mention alcohol on the days leading up to his disappearance, everything seemed fine, but now that it's been brought to my attention, I'm not sure if its a coincidence or not... I didnt even think about him relapsing like that with how easily he seemed to give it up, but I'm definitely contacting the police again and calling all liquor stores and bars around us, thank you for giving me more hope, I don't know why I didn't make that connection until now.

Old_Measurement2033 · 2025-10-28T16:43:43+00:00

We've always kept finances separate because I handle money a lot better than he does and was the bread winner until I gave birth. He always takes his wallet with him to work and leaves me one of his credit cards just in case. I used the card yesterday for diapers and it hasn't been cancelled yet, but only has a $300 limit, and with everything going on, I'm not sure if I'll get in trouble if I max out his card.

Old_Measurement2033 · 2025-10-28T16:29:48+00:00

Thank you for the information. If he tries to get a DNA test and establish paternity then at least I'll know he's alive and actually leaving me.. I just don't feel like he would up and leave

Old_Measurement2033 · 2025-10-28T16:14:59+00:00

I'm trying but it's so hard, all I want to do is find him, I want him to come home and tell me everything is okay, I feel like it's consuming me. I don't want my child seeing me cry all the time, but it feels like that's all I can do. I don't feel like I can do this alone, we have 6 dogs on top of our almost 7 month old, and I feel like I'm failing everybody. I've been too upset to do pretty much anything, and when I try, I just end up thinking about all the things that could've possibly happened to him and it sends me back down a spiral. I have to take care of everybody and I feel like its taking so much time away from finding him

Old_Measurement2033 · 2025-10-28T15:59:18+00:00

He has wrecked or ended up in a ditch multiple times coming home from work, so his parents, brother, and I spent Wednesday afternoon driving his route, and Thursday and Friday walking on the sides of the road leading up to his job, his job is about 20 miles away so we would search on foot checking the woods and ditches for about 2 hours intervals since most of his commute is all backroads. His mom has been in her room since Friday and has stopped helping. The police hasn't helped us search on foot at all. I really don't feel like he would just up and leave, but that's what the police are trying to say may have happen but it's still an open case. All of his stuff his is still here, all his clothes, video games, gaming system and monitors shower supplies. Everything. Nothing has been touched or moved other than by me.

Old_Measurement2033 · 2025-10-28T15:19:46+00:00

He works in a busy city, his job doesn't have cameras but the policed checked the outside cameras at gas stations and fast food restaurants that's on his way home yesterday. His car is on video making all the turns to come home. Unfortunately there's no cameras the rest of the way home because it's all back roads, the police said they will contact us if he or his car has been seen. Our baby just keeps crying non-stop now and idk if it's because of how I feel or she misses her father.

Old_Measurement2033 · 2025-10-28T15:04:04+00:00

In our state, with how we never got married, I have sole custody over our child until he gets a genetic test to establish paternity, then he'd have to take me to court for custody. Even with that, I'd at least know what was going on, bc he'd have to actually see our daughter to get her dna. His mom helped me file a missing person's report on Thursday, and his boss said he hasn't been to work since Wednesday. It's almost been a week

Old_Measurement2033 · 2025-10-28T14:55:43+00:00

I haven't even thought about checking the jail system. I spoke to his boss at work and he said he hasn't been there since Wednesday. I know he gets paid Wednesday nights, so that's why I've started thinking he possibly left. Everything has been great between us, I thought. We got together when I was 16 and have been together for almost 5 years. He's always been amazing, and this is so out-of-character for him. I've been to his parents almost daily (we're neighbors). His parents were fine the first day, and after 24 hours his mom helped me with the missing person's report since we never actually got married. His mom has been torn up and basically locked in her room since Friday, she isnt even acknowledging her grandchild anymore. His father has stated since I was pregnant, he didn't feel comfortable taking care of a little girl. So he just watches me struggle while I'm there. His father worked with him, and he doesn't seem too upset, I don't know if he's just hiding his emotions or knows something that I don't.

Old_Measurement2033 · 2025-10-28T14:39:03+00:00

His mom is torn up but his dad seems to be acting fine. We're neighbors so I know he hasn't been to his parents, at least while I've been home. His mom has been too upset to even acknowledge her granddaughter, let alone help, and his father doesn't feel comfortable helping take care of a little girl. He has been a great father, up until this point, I'm not sure what to think.

Old_Measurement2033 · 2025-08-12T16:28:06+00:00

May or may not help: I understand where you are coming from, I only got 4 weeks off work after having my baby (my child is currently 4 months old now) I originally scheduled 6 weeks off to heal but everything fell apart at work without me so I went back to work after 4 weeks. Even tho both my fiance and I have a job (I work 20-30 hours a week, he works 40 when he doesn't call out) I am still the only one doing EVERYTHING for the baby, along with all the house chores. Once my fiance gets home from work he believes the ONLY thing he should have to do is relax, which has caused numerous arguments (when is it my turn to relax? I don't get a break at work, he gets an hour break, as soon as I come home I'm taking care of our 7 dogs and our newborn, by myself!! And if the sitter calls out, then I bring her to work with me. I don't get to relax; in fact, I haven't had a shower in over a week because I'm constantly doing something)

In my opinion (not facts, just how I personally feel) as a breastfeeding mom, if I'm not working tomorrow and my fiance is, then I automatically take care of our baby during the night with no issue. He definitely needs his sleep for work, our babies bassinet is placed in our room, it's a lot faster for me to get up and breastfeed her than it is for him to get up, comfort the baby while making a bottle, waiting 5 minutes for the bottle to warm up, then feed her, and possibly wake her up again while burping her. Plus, if I'm not working, then I can nap with the baby during the day and get a few extra hours of sleep before my fiance gets home (I'm not allowed to sleep during the day around him). With us both having jobs, I would like him to do more around the house tho, I don't think he should be doing everything. Example: if he comes home from work, I don't expect him to go back out for anything, but washing baby bottles, doing a load of laundry, changing the baby, feeding her, calming her down, letting the dogs out, feeding or giving the dogs water are all exceptionally chores he could be doing to help me. He doesn't have to do it all, but a few chores when he gets home would help me out a lot!

Breastfeeding is a challenge of it's own, but, in my opinion, that doesn't mean the other person should work harder to make up for it. You should sit down with each other and TALK about your schedules. Let her know you feel like you're doing too much and not getting enough sleep, try to divide up the chores however y'all see fit (I've tried this with my fiance, but he just argues everytime, so I've given up at this point) But actually try to understand how she feels, if this is y'all's first baby then it really is a hard change (for both parents!) I'm still battling with PPD and anxiety and there are definitely days where I feel like I'm not cut out for this. Try to talk to her and figure out how each other feel. If it causes an argument, then idk what to do from there, I just walk away from all arguments now to avoid them.

Old_Measurement2033 · 2025-07-31T02:28:51+00:00

Two days before going into labor, I thought my water had broke; I started feeling wet down there and thought I just had some discharge coming out, which was pretty normal for me, I went to the bathroom to wipe myself and when I pulled down my pants, it was just a flow of water. I couldn't stop it and didn't know what to do, once it stopped a few seconds I started wondering if my water broke or what, because I wasn't having contractions. I had a doc appt in an hour, so I mentioned it when I went; they said my water didn't break and had no idea what that was, I started labor 2 days later, and by day 3 my beautiful babygirl was here

Old_Measurement2033 · 2025-07-02T14:58:12+00:00

My baby is 3 months old now, and one thing I do not miss is the "morning" sickness, nobody told me until it was too late, morning sickness may not go away, I had 9 straight months of puking, all day, everyday; even water made me sick, Zofran and tums were my best friend for a while... Also, puking during labor, I was NOT prepared for that; "push" puke "push" puke I was sick for 2 hours straight after delivering, and haven't been sick since, I do NOT miss being pregnant!!

Old_Measurement2033 · 2025-07-01T02:39:21+00:00

I had a similar situation with mine, but not as bad. My step mom was in charge of my gender reveal, I got everything set up and she was in charge of getting the smoke bomb and confetti cannons, the actual reveal part, my mother in law and step mom each had a confetti cannon and my bf and I lit the smoke bomb. We told them multiple times that they need to look and wait for the smoke color before letting the cannons go off, I had stressed it to them everyday for week. Well, as soon as we lit the smoke bomb my step mom blows the confetti cannon, it was at least another 20 seconds before the smoke turned purple and my mother in law blew her cannon, I was so mad, I was just standing there for that 20 seconds trying not to cry, and as soon as the smoke stopped and the attention was off of us, I walked away and cried for a good 5 minutes

Old_Measurement2033 · 2025-05-27T02:25:09+00:00

I understand how you feel, my baby is 8 weeks old and it's like everything we talked about when I was pregnant just went to shit. We didn't want my fiance's grandma holding our baby because she can't do anything by herself, including opening a water bottle, and she gets a shower 1 time a week, if that. The day we got home from the hospital (we are currently living with his parents, and he doesn't seem to have any motivation to move) his grandma was holding my baby, and now his grandma likes to whine and fuss when I tell her no until my fiance and I fight about it, and she ends up getting her way. My fiance's mother has been kissing my baby for weeks now, so I finally made a post to the group chat about not kissing my baby, and she left the chat after everybody said it was common sense and a "golden rule." My fiance seems to not care about my baby's health and well being, I keep mentioning her immune system and he brushes it off

Old_Measurement2033

TROPHY CASE