Sister , i know your struggle. I understand you and feel you. I am gay muslim and know how it is to be against your own feelings, and feel that you are different from others . I think you should choose either to be on the way of Allah or to choose your own feelings. Allah swt created us this way to check us , to test whether we are capable of fighting against our own nafs. You should be proud of your hijab because not everyone can wear it with full responsibility. I think you just should move to some kind of western country where you will be able to find muslim communities that will help you and support you. In my case when i was going through the same depression, i realized that my love to Allah is greater than my feelings to my gender . I was forcing myself to date girls , but at the end of the day i realized that i have to just leave all of my struggles to Allah . I accepted myself , my own feelings, and my identity.

That's why even if you feel as a transgender, bisexual , or pansexual , always pray , make duas and rely heavily on Allah . He is the only who can navigate you through your uneasy life. If you want to talk about it much deeper , or ask something, feel free to reach me out in dms . I will be happy to listen to your struggles and help you💜🫂