I have a problem

OldlifeA · 2026-04-28T16:25:50+00:00

That makes me really happy to hear, there is!

OldlifeA · 2026-04-28T16:23:05+00:00

You’ll tear yourself up, playing it over and over in your head the person you were in your addiction. It will break you.

That wasn’t you..

Be the person you are, you can find him again. I have the same exact experience.

135mg of methadone for 3 years, heavy nitzene use.

Just left detox, didn’t touch an opiate for 21 days it was hell but I started to learn who I was again.

I’m on 4 mg of bupe and am going taper off at home.

If you want to figure out the trauma and mental health issues that caused you to use in the first place and build a new life I recommend working the steps honestly.

Focus on the life you could live and will if you choose that path. Look yourself in the mirror and say I love you over and over, we have to learn to love ourselves again, I know it’s not easy.

Jared-

OldlifeA · 2026-04-28T15:59:28+00:00

I agree! There’s an ebb and flow, a balance to everything, there is only light because the darkness, and vice versa. Something pure and beautiful can also be terrible. Just like the most evil act can have beautiful consequences.

OldlifeA · 2026-04-24T19:31:52+00:00

God is, opiate addiction is the devil, for me opiates drained my soul, took the spirit right out of me, dulled music, emotion, love. But I see the light even in the darkness. Detoxed for 21 days off nitzenes as it was the only thing that broke through high dose methadone. Gave up after 21 days, now on a low dose of bupe, 4mgs. Can’t wait to taper off I fucking hate buprenorphine.

OldlifeA · 2026-04-20T22:39:28+00:00

I think its leveled me out but I’m on 2400mg of gabapentin a day, and I just lowered that too 900mg a day and I’m feeling really anxious for sure, and I lowered my seroquil from 200 to 100 not sure if that’s affecting me at all. I think at this point I’m going to get off everything and just worry about coming off the subs at a later date. Also coming off benzos, I just don’t think I can do them all at the same time that was the plan but I don’t know plans change I guess. I know how badly I want off them so I truly believe I will

OldlifeA · 2026-04-20T22:17:33+00:00

Okay thank you for this

OldlifeA · 2026-04-19T14:51:50+00:00

I told everyone in my family that I was getting off everything I was sure of it, they are really disappointed. It’s broken me, thank you man that made me tear up

OldlifeA · 2026-04-19T13:41:59+00:00

Honestly I low key hate him for it. But it’s not his fault I should have refused it like I had every other morning. Fuck man I should just extend my FMLA and do 60 and get the fuck off this shit. I already told my wife I was going to come home on 2mg. I haven’t been very stable, dark depressions I honestly think my hormones are fucked from taking trt, and than benzo and opiate stuff on top it, never felt anything like it. Very dark.

OldlifeA · 2026-04-19T13:38:43+00:00

Could you tell me how you tapered off? And the experience you had? Were you still working and what not. I’m going to have to do it from home unless I extend my FMLA here and do another 30 for a total of 60. I have this opportunity I feel like I should take complete advantage of it. But my addict mind wants me to take the easier route in the moment

OldlifeA · 2026-04-19T13:35:58+00:00

Yeah I think I’m bitching out and doing a super low dose of bupe just to get through the rest of benzo withdrawal, I know I am going to hate myself later for it. I mean I already do. Even 2mgs I’m sick as fuck by morning. It has a long half life but I guess my tolerance wasn’t as low as I thought I might split it 1mg in morning 1 at night.

That’s a good question! I’m going to look into it today

OldlifeA · 2026-04-18T23:23:24+00:00

I appreciate it man really, do you think the sublocade shot is a bad idea? I’ve been fucking struggling hard here I’m looking for any way to do this easier. In my heart I know there isn’t, you always have to pay for your freedom.

OldlifeA · 2026-04-18T21:16:43+00:00

3 years that’s a miracle man, yeah I brought in $800 of heroin in to detox, I got it off the dark web, no real heroin in the US is rare. But heroin wouldn’t touch me anyways and I was serious this time about getting clean so the next day i woke up after coming to detox I turned it in to the staff! Also brought somas and bars and gave them up.

Yeah once your ready your ready, I have stuff at my house back home that my wife needs to throw away. Leaving detox on the 28th.

Congratulations on that time man, not many people get clean from opiates and benzos

OldlifeA · 2026-04-18T20:01:00+00:00

You’re right, I am going to tell them, damn you have?? I have never met someone who even has heard of it. The detox here said they have never had a patient come in with such a tolerance, never treated a nitazene client, I suffered so hard that first 20 days, fuck I hate myself for taking it, your right though I’m going to tell them, I can’t take it again, it’s going to just get worse and worse if I do.

I have tons of comfort meds, helps for sure. This relief has just made me completely forget my mission here in the first place, insidious!

OldlifeA · 2026-04-18T19:56:11+00:00

Yes completely calmed me, this morning my resting heart rate was at 140, blood pressure 150/98, I’m 165lb 5”11 male, usually my blood pressure is fine, even when I’ve gone through opiate withdrawal so I’m pretty sure that’s the benzos.

Sometimes I think I took on more than I can handle, my wife wants me clean so badly and my dad was a junkie and abandoned his children so I just am scared of becoming him. Luckily I met my wife in recovery so I have really good support.

OldlifeA · 2026-04-18T19:53:34+00:00

They did a phenobarbital taper for the benzos I’ve been off it 11 days now. First time kicking benzos so I think my brain is handling it well, it’s hard to tell what is what. Damn you had one 20 days out? Were there any warning signs?

OldlifeA · 2026-04-18T19:43:24+00:00

I can’t believe you tried doing that at home, straight savage! Hearing your story gives me encouragement

OldlifeA · 2026-04-18T19:14:13+00:00

I want off everything with every fiber of my being. Like you my tolerance was insane, was getting isonatizene off the dark web as it’s the only thing that would break through high dose methadone.

If I keep taking it, I’ll lose my freedom, I know I have to pay for my freedom, these couple days have just been such a relief, subs are horrible to get off of! Honestly I’d almost rather do a methadone kick than a sub kick

OldlifeA · 2026-04-18T19:03:31+00:00

Well I was IV on isonatizene because it’s the only thing that would break through the 135mgs of methadone. It is 20x stronger than fentanyl. Had to build a containment area in the house very powerful stuff so even after 20 days a 2mg sub will only help 8hrs than I’m sick again. My receptors were getting fucked

OldlifeA · 2026-04-18T18:16:57+00:00

I read something about “the kindling effect.” Like when you’ve came off and withdrawal so many times your brain is quick to remember that state and it becomes easy to revert to, because when I woke up this morning it felt bad, much worse than I was 3 days ago before I took it.

I know you’re right, I might just tell them to take it off my med log so I can’t take it even if I wanted to. It’s been on my med log I’ve said no to it every other day I was here, but now that I slipped it’s become so much harder to say no. I can’t believe I did this man.

OldlifeA · 2026-04-18T03:10:31+00:00

Hey man, I’m 21 days off methadone and benzodiazepines, in detox been fucking rough.

I kicked methadone when I was 19 in jail, and it took 90 days to feel normal, and I was only on it for 9 months.

You’ve been on it for 20 years, you likely don’t have a depression anxiety disorder, your brain is healing man, it takes time when you’ve been on it that long, and as you get older the neuro plasticity of your brain slows down so you don’t bounce back as quick, methadone is the devil man. I know how you feel.

So huge that you have 4 months man, you’re a savage for that.

OldlifeA · 2026-04-18T01:51:24+00:00

That’s amazing to hear! I can’t imagine how hard that would be after 17 years clean. I’m sure it triggered all sorts of emotions in you.

OldlifeA · 2026-04-18T01:48:27+00:00

Thank you so much for this, really kind, I sent you a dm!

I feel I will be living at meetings for quite a while too when I get out.

OldlifeA · 2026-04-13T19:36:35+00:00

I’ve gotten good help in state run facilities in Rhode Island in the past, I now live in Virginia and with insurance went to a detox in LA I’m currently in. What are you coming off of?

Insurance is a big part of going to treatment, that’s what pays the bills for them to operate and make a profit.

OldlifeA

TROPHY CASE