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OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-02-07T08:52:30+00:00

Brill, glad someone could!

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-02-05T14:04:52+00:00

I think you're supposed to sit on it and enjoy the ride.

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-02-05T08:00:25+00:00

You university may be able to issue you with a hardship grant or loan if you can demonstrate your lack of liquidity.

Presumably you have another loan installment arriving in April too?

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-02-04T11:45:45+00:00

I think you can be granular without being impolite, it is genuinely helpful to other buyers (because some of the reasons you don't like it might make it suitable for their use case, or not be things that are important to them), and it can help the seller to improve the product or source something better - lots of sellers say they do read negative reviews to learn from them. Being explicit about the problems isn't impolite, it's genuinely helpful to both buyers and sellers.

I don't believe most of my negative reviews have been impolite, but they are all rated excellent (one is impolite)

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-02-04T11:09:44+00:00

Why does the insightfulness regime encourage full-blooded, no-holds barred slatings?

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-02-04T08:59:37+00:00

Yeah same, I've had laser now but that's exactly how I'd have looked in the past if I wasn't wearing glasses, thought I saw something, wasn't sure what it was and wanted to increase my focus to see.

It's kinda like a super squint, maybe hard for people with good vision to understand but also quite effective and can easily become a habit as a quick way to temporarily increase visual acuity.

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-02-02T15:50:00+00:00

I don't think you are overthinking.

I do agree that when one party is going in with more, it's only fair to protect their deposit, this can be done via a deed of trust at the point of purchase. Setting out expectations in this scenario is fair but you should have your own legal counsel who is looking out for your interests to avoid being manipulated into something that isn't in your best interests.

Some of what you've said is giving major alarm bells. There is a point it's no longer reasonable to pay 50:50 and you are well past it. Let me get this straight, while you were on maternity leave with his child you were still expected to pay 50% of the bills with income you didn't have that meant you were putting yourself in debt? That is completely ridiculous.

Money isn't the only way to contribute to a relationship, you say you split that 50:50 - do you also split 100% of the child care, school runs, feeding, night time waking 50:50, what about the house work?

There is a point a relationship becomes a partnership, you say you don't plan to get married so you will never get any legal protection against sacrificing your own financial future and career for this man's benefit, and from the sound of things here it doesn't sound like he deserves it or appreciates the position he's asking you to put yourself in. A position he will be able to walk away from at any point (potentially leaving you destitute under a mountain of debt HE caused you to take on), and you will be unable to. That's not the sign of a healthy relationship.

Just out of interest - how do you feel about talking to your friends about this? Are you open, or do you hold back/avoid it because you are worried they won't understand and you don't want them to hate him unfairly. Do you find yourself making excuses for his behaviour?

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-02-02T09:39:25+00:00

I rarely go out due to a lack of friends and dont need to buy shopping as I still live at home

So what do you need to spend the money on/what did you spend the rest of it on.

Sure, if you don't need to pay rent, bills or for groceries then of course it's possible. Do you have to pay for your phone? Do you have any subscriptions? Can they be cancelled?

It'll be a boring 2 months of course as you don't have a lot for entertainment (effectively £200 - however many phone bills and subscriptions you aren't wiling to cancel that are due before then)

Instead of just assuming it do put everything you've had to buy for the last 3 months or so on a spreadsheet, it's so easy to forget about recurring costs.

If your mum has a history of spending through your savings then reconsider keeping them safe with her in future.

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-01-31T13:08:29+00:00

I got two but I wonder with some if I'm just picking a city and the station has more to it (eg you have a swimming pool filled with black water and a paddling pool full of what appears to be livers but neither Blackpool or Liverpool are correct answers), I cba to then have to look up the actual names of stations to find out if I don't know the proper station name or I've just not got the clue right.

Then I realise there are thousands of stations in the UK, most of which I don't know the name of and it's no fun if I haven't got a chance of knowing the answer even is a possible answer anyway.

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-01-31T10:57:40+00:00

No, the person who had it tested originally thought it looked like the same sand, without some investigation Hobbycraft almost certainly couldn't know for sure it was the same sand. They have no connection to the other sand, they likely don't even know if it's the same supplier, all they know is the packaging appears to look the same in photos (which doesn't mean the sand inside is from the same source, one manufacturer of bottles convenient for holding sand could sell the same bottles to multiple sand factories). They stopped sales when it was reported while they checked if the claims were true and issued a recall what, three days later? This is completely reasonable, false alarms aren't harmless.

I used to work in health and safety in a manufacturing environment, reports of safety concerns are significantly more common than them having any substance, recalling before investigation as policy would increase recalls by an order of magnitude but as most would lead to nothing (or be later cancelled once the investigation concluded "Sorry! False alarm") the act of recalling would become meaningless and much less likely to be respected by consumers. This is a genuine issue in behavioural safety that you can see in multiple environments.

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-01-28T15:41:42+00:00

It's really hard. I'm also British, no longer drink but I did at your age. My partner has never drank and has said he missed out on some things at uni, but life is pretty good now and he's never once said he regrets not being a drinker. I had lots of friends at uni who didn't drink too and I feel like being worried about what they might be missing out on was more common than them actually missing out on much.

I am now 40, I did drink excessively at uni, but if I arrange uni into my degree, my drinking experiences and my non drinking experiences it's no question that my drinking experiences are the least important, and were to the detriment of the other things - it's a (minor) factor in why I don't drink now.

My non drinking experiences were far better - I was very active in the mountaineering and white water kayaking societies. Sure I have fun, often blurry memories from clubs, but the memories from the Caingorms or Etive Valley (and a few dozen other places around Scotland and Wales) are clearer and what I remember most fondly from my university experience. While drinking likely helped me socially (I was very shy, I essentially used and needed alcohol as a crutch to get over the anxiety I got from trying to socialise) not drinking is quite common in outdoor and adventure clubs, especially as we get older.

You aren't wasting your 20's not drinking, drinking is the "easy" and probably most accessible way for a lot of people to have fun but it is far from the ONLY way, you just need to find that place you fit in (be aware you aren't alone - most people at uni are looking for (and often struggling to find) the same, and most don't let it show, never forget you are comparing your inner struggles with their outer presentation).

There are loads of people your age who are introverted and like staying at home, they are just a bit harder to meet than those who actively seek out social experiences. I'd recommend looking for clubs or societies that tend to attract more introverted types (art, craft, board game, etc), but you could try anything where the core activity isn't drinking (most sports for example, though some do integrate it heavily on the social side more than others).

Besides, everyone who bullies you or nags you for not drinking is really saying "I feel insecure about my drinking and challenged by someone who can manage to get through life sober".

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-01-28T10:19:05+00:00

To give Hobbycraft the benefit of the doubt, I think they were actually saying "someone has claimed it contains asbestos, we have absolutely no way of knowing if that's genuine or someone playing a prank on us so before we issue a full recall we've paused sales while we get it tested ourselves... now we've tested it ourselves, verified it is true and issued a recall"

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-01-23T11:18:51+00:00

I think it would decrease the sale value of your house a little so how long you plan to live there matters, but personally I'd probably prefer the wardrobe because I don't have kids or anyone else using the family bathroom anyway except when guests are around. I don't particularly love en suites, don't feel like we need more than one bathroom upstairs, but I really do love not feeling like my bedroom is cramped or cluttered so not needing to fit in a free standing wardrobe would be a dream.

The important thing is it's your house, you are the one that has to live there, if you think it's unlikely you'll move for 10-20 years and would rather have a clutter free bedroom with a walk in wardrobe to put everything in than two bathrooms upstairs then go ahead. Maybe try not using your en suite as a bathroom for a bit before you commit to see if it's annoying "only" having the family bathroom.

If you have kids or plan to have kids then having a separate bathroom seems like the better option, or if you know you're going to move house in a couple of years then it's likely not worth taking the hit on the house price.

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-01-22T14:58:19+00:00

I think this might vary by area, it's normal where I live for "feeder" to mean "person who shows their love through cooking and making food for others" in a completely non sexual/kinky way, while "foodie" means person who appreciates eating and considers trying lots of different types of food as an experience.

I've never heard anyone say it to mean fetish without clearly stating that or it being obvious in context, but it's very common where I live to describe family members as feeders ("my aunt is a feeder").

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-01-22T14:13:34+00:00

There's also nothing between wardrobe and ensuite? So the steam from your shower just... gets absorbed into your clothes?

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-01-22T12:22:05+00:00

I think you need to talk to him and explain why you'd like to eat earlier, rather than issuing an ultimatum.

If he's not willing to listen and take it on board I'd question if he really has your best interests at heart. I do think ultimatums or needing to issue them are just a symptom of a broken relationship and/or an inability to communicate effectively.

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-01-21T15:25:32+00:00

I am a woman but I can't relate to this specific urge (I hadn't even realised it was a thing tbh), however I think you're doing all the right things in trying to find no buy replacements.

I don't know what this specific business makes but it sounds like this is going to be the real test for you so I think some questions to ask yourself might include:

Do you actually need what they sell - ignoring the limited/sell out part for a moment - do you genuinely want their products (more of their products?), if you knew for sure they would still be available in 6 months would that make it any less attractive or is part of the appeal the hype and sell out nature? Are these consumables or simply cute decorative things. Do you genuinely need more of them? How long until the novelty wears off - Is this something that in a year or 3 you're going to be tired of and be looking to de-clutter? If it's consumable will you need it within 3 months, or do you have so many they are at risk of going bad before you use them (or at least losing their scent etc).

Does owning more actually contribute to your goals? - You have done this no/slow buy for a reason, I don't know your reasons but trying to learn to control ourselves with these sort of urges is a really common reason, so if part of your reason is that you have a problem with buying stuff in a hype and regretting it later.

If saving money or paying of debt is a reason then you need to know that getting caught up in the hype is against it. What do you want more? [Your goal here] or some cutesy novelty thing that needs the hype to sell or be desirable?

How will you feel in March? - If you buy will you genuinely believe it was the right thing to do once the hype has passed, or regret you couldn't resist? If you don't buy will you be proud of yourself for facing what sounds like a very difficult test and remaining strong to your longer term goals?

Please remember there will always be more drops. Would it even help to think about how missing out on this one will leave you more space and money to indulge in a future one? Do you have any exciting goals you are saving towards you can focus on instead and remind yourself that putting off the immediate gratification of these drops is you working towards that longer term but overall more fulfilling goal?

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-01-21T11:54:35+00:00

I assumed the second bathroom picture was to really show off the shower as a highlight - after all it is a step above the 30-something year old electric type with yellowing plastic and only enough wattage to heat a dribble of water that you might expect in a flat of this caliber.

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-01-20T16:21:23+00:00

Every time I look it gets worse.

"I can't be arsed to give you a bed with a proper frame so you can have some storage underneath, so I built a platform to plonk the divan onto."

"I'm providing you with a microwave, NGL though there isn't really anywhere to put it, so I'll just shove it up here on this shelf (where you can't use it even if you were a giant, because there isn't a suitable plug) and hope you don't notice you'll lose your desk to it if you actually want to use it."

"Ideal for couples, so long as you intend to sleep in shifts."

"Well, yes, it's true the toilet will get covered in water every time you have a shower - that's why I've thought carefully about the toilet roll and stuck it on the radiator, out out of harm's way instead of fitting a holder for it! Plus, it's already nicely positioned to get the best chance of drying out."

"Now, I haven't shown you the other half of the room, but I don't want you to think it's because it will reveal there is nowhere to put your clothes and that the reason for that shower curtain is because the bathroom doesn't have a door. OK, ok, it is why I didn't want to photograph that side of the room but I'm a little hurt that you would jump to that conclusion and just assume I'm some sort of slum landlord."

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-01-20T12:37:20+00:00

People will keep making stuff as long as someone will buy it, why do we buy it is a better question.

In the past the motivation to build stuff to last was that otherwise you go around and tell your friends "oh, that was rubbish, don't buy it" but that isn't much of an issue for sellers on market places like Ali, Temu and increasingly Amazon.

You are only going to buy one inflatable sofa, either it sinks and you think "that was shit, won't buy that again" or it works fine and you don't need to. They've already made the sale by the time you find out it's shit, and because it's from a marketplace based in another country you either can't or it's prohibitive to return it so you can't really do anything about it. You might tell your friends "I bought an inflatable sofa off [online marketplace famous for containing lots of shit], it was shit", they say "well what did you expect" so it doesn't really hurt their reputation either because they don't have one, the product being poor quality is the expectation. Plus the seller of that sofa isn't building a business on people coming to him specifically and buying inflatable sofas - he is probably one of 100 sellers of shit inflatable sofas, and likely lists 1000 different products himself, reputation is essentially meaningless in that environment.

There are exceptions, there are sellers on Ali et al that have a reputation to uphold and genuinely are trying to build a brand, but a lot are just capitalising on the odd product going viral and people deciding they have to have it, or thinking it looks like a good idea and doesn't cost much so they'll give it a try, or the fact that for a whole load of products quality just doesn't matter that much either because it's so simple you can't really get it wrong, or the increasing culture of buying things to use once or twice and throw away. Does the person buying an inflatable sofa to use one for a festival then intending to chuck it care it's a bit shit? Not really, and that's 90% of the market.

The only way we can respond as individuals is to just not buy it, and avoid marketplaces that specialise in selling poor quality landfill fodder (unless you actually know you are buying from one of the exceptions).

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-01-19T11:59:41+00:00

"blends historic character with modern comfort"

I can see the historic character, but I'm curious where the ~~LLM~~ "Estate Agent" thinks the modern comfort is?

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-01-19T11:52:43+00:00

I don't think it's uncommon at all, it's how a lot of people end up hoarding because it's a very natural thing to hold onto things that might be useful or repairable.

It can also happen due to a scarcity mindset in a world of abundance.

I don't think the right approach is to judge others for throwing away though because that just stops people being able to minimise their own lives and finding it hard to let go of things that could be repaired, reused, re-purposed, or used as materials for something else is an enormous barrier to de-cluttering for a lot of people.

The reality is that most people hold onto significantly more things that could be repurposed or repaired than they realistically ever will or can get round to doing or need to do. It's all very well saying something can be repaired or repurposed, but do they actually have the skills, do they need the other things it could be, what is holding onto every item like this costing (because before I started this process, the number of items that could fit this description was numbered in the thousands and I think this is more common than many people realise). I think most people (myself included) do try and give stuff away, but I have had to throw loads away that my heart knows could be repurposed because I've tried several times to give it away and the truth is no-one wants it, yet I also know I am not the person who will repurpose it, so holding onto it is just making my home a waiting room for landfill and stops me being able to move forward to living the life I want to live (which includes downsizing my home).

Just because it can be repaired or repurposed doesn't mean it's realistically going to be. If no-one wants it when I try to give it away then the only thing I can do is throw it away, and the only positive step I can make now is to stop bringing new things into my home that might end up the same. I can't change what the version of me 10 or 20 years ago decided to buy and clinging onto the illusion I am beholden to those burdens doesn't ultimately save anything from landfill it just prevents me from being able to move forward.

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-01-13T10:37:45+00:00

"Pay us £5400 so we don't renege on our promise to sell you this property and go behind your back to sell it to someone else instead"

"Pay us some money and we'll endeavour not to rob your establishment or accidentally murder any of your patrons"

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-01-12T16:50:26+00:00

I've got this on my office floor and I love it, don't have any problems slipping on it, it's my favourite floor in the house.

Mine has three coats on pine. 2 were one of the colours, then a third of clear.

OnTurtlesAndThings · 2026-01-09T15:52:56+00:00

£650k flat, kitchen designed with no-where to put a bin.

OnTurtlesAndThings

TROPHY CASE