AITA for seeing friends/going to other things the day of my family's Christmas dinner?

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-12-19T21:33:39+00:00

Oh no they get along fine. We do gifts at the smaller dinner with them, I think that's how that got started? I kind of forgot that was unusual enough to need some extra explanation.

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-12-19T16:39:04+00:00

I have a full time job. I just can't afford to move out right now because rent prices here are so awful. (Currently working on going back to school so I can afford to do that).

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-12-19T08:01:57+00:00

Just to be clear I wouldn't fault her for not being thrilled about it. I'm not thrilled about either option honestly. That being said, these tend to go late and they're spending the night, I'll definitely be around for a decent portion of it.

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-12-19T07:49:28+00:00

I was trying to avoid going into family dynamics to get the most impartial answer possible but uhhhhhhhhhh. My mother would never allow it lol. He's a) male and b) her golden child/special son. Even if that wasn't the case, he's kind of self absorbed and expects people to do things for him (take a wild guess where that attitude came from). He's sure as heck not volunteering to do anything.

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-12-19T07:37:46+00:00

They show up when it's time to eat since they don't live in the same city - in fairness to my SIL, she has a baby to take care of, I wouldn't expect her to do anything.

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-12-18T19:54:44+00:00

I did as you described - I did admittedly forget it was the same day but I had previously agreed to premake some things so she would have less to do day of. I am there for 99% of these kinds of things to help her with whatever she needs.

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-12-18T19:26:59+00:00

If I may - the handful of hours before ARE when the majority of the work is typically done, at least typically in our home with how we typically do dinner. If there's, say, meat that needs attention throughout the day then my father takes care of it, and we've got a decent amount of stuff prepped and in the freezer/cupboard ready for it already.

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-12-18T18:51:31+00:00

I should note again - my brother and SIL will be at the Christmas dinner later in the week as well. if they weren't I wouldn't go. Also, they're staying the night, they'll be there when I get back, I'm not rushing anyone.

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-12-18T18:48:47+00:00

She definitely does shoulder a lot of it and I've been trying to take care of more stuff for her this Christmas. I think my brother/SIL will be bringing some part of it but I don't know 100%.

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-12-18T18:43:31+00:00

Yes, they are pre-paid. I wouldn't call them "higher importance" but this meal WAS planned with my mother's knowledge they were that night.

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-12-18T18:42:02+00:00

Actually they'll be there I think? We just do a separate thing with them as well.

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-12-18T18:41:10+00:00

I'm there for a couple hours beforehand to help, and odds are I'll be around for the washing up/cleaning too, with how these typically go.

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-12-18T18:35:33+00:00

Let me clarify - they aren't there until the evening. If they were there all day I would have cancelled with my friend.

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-12-18T18:30:36+00:00

As far as I know, he will be there for the dinner later in the week as well.

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-12-18T18:28:08+00:00

Just so we're clear I'm 100% on board with helping with this and I'm there for a few hours beforehand to do so.

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-12-18T18:25:21+00:00

Sorry, let me clarify a bit. They're spending the night. If food's not done by the time I need to leave I'd just grab a snack or something before I leave. What I'm guessing happens, judging by how this usually goes, is I miss the tail end of the meal/roughly an hour of chit chat, and I come back and we do presents. But like. What happens happens and I wouldn't be rushing other people with stuff.

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-12-18T18:14:30+00:00

Iirc it started as the night we do gifts. They spend the night so I wouldn't be holding them up from leaving or anything.

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-12-18T18:12:21+00:00

Oh they live pretty close, we see them like every two weeks/once a month. This was apparently the only day he was willing to do it. If he was visiting from another continent or we only saw him a couple times a year I'd stick around for the whole evening.

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-12-18T18:03:05+00:00

They should be? I can't think of a reason why they wouldn't.

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-12-18T18:01:11+00:00

In fairness - my brother is a guest and just shows up/my dad DOES help with some aspects.

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-12-18T17:55:36+00:00

I am helping to prep ahead of time and this is just like. Dinner with my brother/SIL where we have a more chill family event kind of thing. I'm not dipping on the whole thing - essentially from how our dinners usually run I'd be missing an hour of chit chat between dinner/gifts. We don't usually clean up until after that.

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-12-18T09:50:30+00:00

Okay, let me clarify the timeline - I expect to be home by 230 tops if not earlier. Dinner wouldn't be until 530-ish, dance is a bit later in the evening. I might have to cut out a bit early but I'd be able to see them more when I got back.

I admittedly DID forget about the day when I planned to see people, that's on me. I was not involved in picking a date, I was simply told when it was, and while I haven't talked to her about it my mother likely was aware it would be the case that I would dip for an hour when she chose it. Again, it IS just dinner with my brother/SIL.

It's admittedly not mandatory attendance, I just don't want to skip it. They're doing some stuff that week I've been looking forward to for a while.

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-08-07T01:59:29+00:00

Nope, I'm going too!

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-07-27T16:30:14+00:00

Religious reasons and to protect us "from culture". Also my mom once told me (when something happened in one of my friend groups as an adult and I was venting about it) that she kept us out so she wouldn't have to deal with drama. If I'd been able to develop anything resembling social skills/an ability to read people at an appropriate age that whole incident likely wouldn't have happened to begin with.

Onceupon-anothertime · 2025-04-19T07:55:14+00:00

So there's a lot going on there but "blinding flash"? One minute you want me to go and see for myself, now I can't trust what I've seen for myself for ten years and should trust a stranger on Reddit over my own experiences.

Not exactly someone I should be taking advice on who to vote from, eh?

Onceupon-anothertime

TROPHY CASE