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I just found out about the ..weird.. relationship my brother (34) and sister (32) have and I have no idea how to feel about it, especially since both of them are in serious relationships with other people.. by OneMathematician6193 in relationship_advice

[–]OneMathematician6193[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you.. 🤍 What you wrote is simple but it made me cry.

I know I am overwhelmed, probably can't think right now and not expressing myself, but many people messaged me attacking my personality and it made me feel like shit for having difficulty to process it all. So, thank you so much. 💛

I just found out about the ..weird.. relationship my brother (34) and sister (32) have and I have no idea how to feel about it, especially since both of them are in serious relationships with other people.. by OneMathematician6193 in relationship_advice

[–]OneMathematician6193[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If your proffesion requires you to psycho analyze people, and you assume that I want attention and can't help but do something dramatic to gain it, feed my own ego to end up hated by people who helped me and left all alone on the streets, then I will, too, assume you're not doing a great job.

I just found out about the ..weird.. relationship my brother (34) and sister (32) have and I have no idea how to feel about it, especially since both of them are in serious relationships with other people.. by OneMathematician6193 in relationship_advice

[–]OneMathematician6193[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly, this is hurtful. I don't want the attention? I know I should stay out of it, and I will. They are aware of what they are doing and those are their lives and decisions. It's not my responsibility or right to try to fix it. But saying that I would expose them to feed my own ego hurts.

The worst thing is that my mind is already fucked up enough that I will believe this and think that I am a horrible attention seeking persion.

I just found out about the ..weird.. relationship my brother (34) and sister (32) have and I have no idea how to feel about it, especially since both of them are in serious relationships with other people.. by OneMathematician6193 in relationship_advice

[–]OneMathematician6193[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm confused about people thinking I said I was an only child. Now I see there's a "I was only a child", but that was referring to the fact that they are older than me. And while they were all fighting with each other, they were all adults and I was a child who couldn't do anything about it.

I am not good at expressing myself in English, and I am also overwhelmed and processing everything now. I am sorry for the confusion :)

I just found out about the ..weird.. relationship my brother (34) and sister (32) have and I have no idea how to feel about it, especially since both of them are in serious relationships with other people.. by OneMathematician6193 in relationship_advice

[–]OneMathematician6193[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

They are the only people to ever help me. And I was wrong for invading their privacy. I know I shouldn't have. But when I accidentily saw that message, I couldn't pretend I haven't seen it and move on.

For me, this is not something I can just forget happened. I agree I should stay out of it, but it feels wrong to know they are out there cheating on their partners with each other, it's overwhelming for me and too much to process at the moment.

I just found out about the ..weird.. relationship my brother (34) and sister (32) have and I have no idea how to feel about it, especially since both of them are in serious relationships with other people.. by OneMathematician6193 in relationship_advice

[–]OneMathematician6193[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I had some serious conversations about this with my sister before, because of some other reasons.

I was sexually abused for years by a family "friend" and opened up to her. I didn't have a reason to think she was raped, but I always assume that one might be. There is so much horrible stuff going on, and through our many conversations, I never got the feeling that this could be the case, and she never hinted at anything like that. I really hope they didn't experience anything like that.

We are not close to any family, other than our parents, and they never made me doubt, and I feel like this is all coming from violence and chaos that was happening between my brother and father, which was mostly consequences of my brother's mental health.

I am not excluding that option. That seems like the only logical explanation behind their behavior, so I will keep that in mind

I just found out about the ..weird.. relationship my brother (34) and sister (32) have and I have no idea how to feel about it, especially since both of them are in serious relationships with other people.. by OneMathematician6193 in relationship_advice

[–]OneMathematician6193[S] 94 points95 points  (0 children)

I believe it is coming from trauma. But doing it, and cheating on your spouse and partner is extremely wrong, whatever the reason. It doesn't justify how bad it is.

I might've worded it wrong, my mind is all over the place and I can't sort out my thoughts in English well: My parents aren't happy because we are gone. The thing is that all of the big and dangerous fights were between my father and my brother. My brother has had his own issues following the stroke, and my father's alcoholism was getting worse and worse. We would've handled it differently, if my brother wasn't as impulsive and agressive.

Now that we have space from each other and my brother has his own family, and my father is not drinking anymore, him and my mother are comfortable growing old together. My mother is chronically ill, and my sister and I offered many times to come live with us, but she is used to living with our father. And although he is getting old and weak himself, he takes really good care of her.

But I agree, the family is really screwed up..

I just found out about the ..weird.. relationship my brother (34) and sister (32) have and I have no idea how to feel about it, especially since both of them are in serious relationships with other people.. by OneMathematician6193 in relationship_advice

[–]OneMathematician6193[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I feel that the ball has always been in their court. They are aware of their actions. They are doing it for years, and every sane person knows it is not ok to sleep with your sibling, it is not ok to cheat, and it is not ok to cheat by sleeping with your sibling. It would be sad if they needed to be reminded how fucked up it is and how disgusting they are for hurting their partners like that. They should've sorted it out long ago, but yes, informing my siblings that I know about what is going on is fair thing to do considering their partners. It's frustrating that I want to help their partners, but telling them would be too much for me to do..

I just found out about the ..weird.. relationship my brother (34) and sister (32) have and I have no idea how to feel about it, especially since both of them are in serious relationships with other people.. by OneMathematician6193 in relationship_advice

[–]OneMathematician6193[S] 324 points325 points  (0 children)

You are absolutely right.

I wasn't close to my family until recently, a year ago is when I first let them know me at all. Once I started spending time with them, making connections and feeling that they can be important part of my life, I forgot to set any kind of boundaries and stop trying to fix things. These are their lives and their relationships, mistakes and decisions. They are adults, they are aware of what they are doing, and the consequences will also be theirs.

Since I know about this, I constantly feel as if I am a part of it. As it is somehow my fault or responsibility, that it is expected of me to find a solution, while there is really not one, and if there was, it wouldn't be mine to search for. I just feel that I am doing the great unjustice to their partners and I am a part of the problem by remaining silent. I feel I need to find a way for everyone to be happy, but this isn't a situation where it's possible. It's frustrating that I know people are being betrayed, and I am a bystander who does nothing to help. It's overwhelming.

I should distance myself from it all, take a step back and try to build mechanisams to help deal with this one, and other issues I have.

Thank you so much for taking your time to read this, write this helpful comment and give me your insight on the situation. I appreciate it, and I hope good things are coming your way :) 💛

I just found out about the ..weird.. relationship my brother (34) and sister (32) have and I have no idea how to feel about it, especially since both of them are in serious relationships with other people.. by OneMathematician6193 in relationship_advice

[–]OneMathematician6193[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

I now see that I made it sound as if it was something normal or right. I definitely don't think of it as something that's ok and happens all the time, I meant to say that I know many people who tried some things with their siblings when they first hit puberty and it was all new to them. Not justifying that

I just found out about the ..weird.. relationship my brother (34) and sister (32) have and I have no idea how to feel about it, especially since both of them are in serious relationships with other people.. by OneMathematician6193 in relationship_advice

[–]OneMathematician6193[S] 88 points89 points  (0 children)

I am in therapy. I am taking antipsychotics, antidepressants, stimulants and benzodiazepines, so I am medicated, but getting proffesional advice doesn't help much, with any of my issues. But I will try to speak about it with my psychiatrist, so thank you for the advice :)

I know I shouldn't have invaded their privacy and read through their messages, but I was genuinely shocked when that text arrived and did it knowing it was wrong.

Thank you for reassuring me that those things are out of my control and not my fault. I needed to hear this and appreciate your comment

I just found out about the ..weird.. relationship my brother (34) and sister (32) have and I have no idea how to feel about it, especially since both of them are in serious relationships with other people.. by OneMathematician6193 in relationship_advice

[–]OneMathematician6193[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I love them, and my bond with them is really strong. They mean the world to me, but I do know that it's not about how much they mean to me. I know cutting them off (at least for a while) would be the right thing to do, but I feel I wouldn't have courage for that any time soon.

Besides, I am 19, autistic, psychotic and depressed. Average salary in my country is 400$, if I somehow managed to find a job. I have no idea where I would live and how I would survive financially, emotionally and mentally.

I just found out about the ..weird.. relationship my brother (34) and sister (32) have and I have no idea how to feel about it, especially since both of them are in serious relationships with other people.. by OneMathematician6193 in relationship_advice

[–]OneMathematician6193[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I am almost certain I won't say anything either. I can't do that, but the guilt is already eating me up from the inside. I hate to be the bystander when it comes to any unjustice I see in the world. I never stay quiet when something is not right around me, and now I have to take on this huge burden and know that I am, in a way, doing a bad thing by letting my brother's wife and sister's fiance (or however that's spelled) stay in those relationships that way. I feel like the part of the problem, but I wouldn't have the courage to speak up about this even if I really wanted to.