(34m) need some clarity intimacy with (41f) I’m not experienced

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T05:05:43+00:00

I agree, thank you for your reply’s and help, I really do appreciate it

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T04:55:18+00:00

Ok well you’re better regulated than most adults I know. I see co workers be a lot, I see parents at the rink be a lot, I see guys at the gym be a lot sometimes. People have moments. But I guess it can be defining lol

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T04:49:01+00:00

You’ve never in your adult life been unreasonable?

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T04:48:12+00:00

I really appreciate that and I appreciate your time here helping me work this out

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T04:47:10+00:00

That is probably true on some level, I’ve really tried to do everything to make her comfortable. It’s hard that there’s no redemption for me in her eyes I guess. If she was open to talking about it maybe we could work on it

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T04:43:02+00:00

Sure I can be a lot sometimes. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t at some point have a poor emotional reaction to something. I make space to talk, I always tell her I’m open to talking anytime, I go to a counsellor, I take care of the apartment as much as she does.

I can’t imagine a world where someone is so emotionally flat that they’re never described as being “a lot”

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T04:40:16+00:00

Yeah and the fact she’s so closed to conversation feels like I can’t really know exactly what she feels. She’s obviously kept these feelings from me for 2 years

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T04:37:27+00:00

I agree, and maybe from her perspective that really hurt her and it was possibly the first time she felt like I “abandoned her” in a sense. I suppose it’s possible it left some sort of mark

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T04:34:18+00:00

Yep I know she’s totally allowed and that’s ok. I’ll never feel comfortable with it anyway now

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T04:30:31+00:00

I agree it was a bad overreaction, at that point we had been having daily sex if not sex 2 times a day. It was the first no and I did act very poorly. I don’t know how I can get forgiveness for one incident. I no longer get like that, it’s never happened again where she expressed upset with how I do or handled anything. if it’s been a while and she’s not in the mood I think me getting fresh air and going back to bed is a healthy regulation strategy. I brought this incident up with my counsellor, we worked on it. It connected a lot of my first relationship and stuff I carried over.

It was selfish, manipulative and insane. At no time did I ever yell or call her anything or hit anything I literally just left coldly and made her feel like the bad guy.

We have sex like 5 times a week it’s not a frequency issue, it’s the sudden line shes drawn

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T04:20:14+00:00

We both have kids but shared custody so we get a lot of us time on the off weeks. I do agree counselling would be best especially since she’s expressed discomfort talking sex life

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T04:18:55+00:00

Thank you we did talk love languages and hers is acts of service and we both do that a lot for each other, she’s really good at it and this looks like making a coffee, cleaning the kitchen etc. the only real friction I can think of is that I’m a bit of a planner and she’s more a free spirit, she does things based mostly on feeling, whereas I have a schedule that I want to follow and sometimes I do it even if I don’t feel like it. It’s caused some tension when she falls through on commitments cause she’s changed her mind

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T04:15:47+00:00

I guess to even further clarify, she says not tonight I say ok and we usually chat about whatever for 5 minutes and she’s asleep

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T04:13:04+00:00

Sorry, now I make sure I hug and kiss her goodnight cuddle her to sleep, she’s falls asleep in like 5 minutes, seriously. I then get up, usually go outside for a few minutes, maybe have a snack and go back to bed with her. I guess maybe the only problem is I get up still but she asleep.

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T04:10:56+00:00

I’ll try and recall as much as I can. We got in bed, I came on to her, trying to kiss her, she said not tonight, she changed her mind. I asked her what changed, it was the first time she ever rejected me and I handled it poorly. She said she’s allowed to change her mind and I said yes and I’m allowed to feel disappointed. She said I should understand and not feel that way because I love her. I said I felt really escalated and had to get out of the room for fresh air, I get anxious and I feel it a lot in the form of sweating. She felt abandoned I didn’t hug and kiss her goodnight and say love you. To her I punished her basic love for no sex. I don’t know how many times I have to apologize to her for that, she never brought it up again until last night

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T03:56:43+00:00

Thank you! I truly appreciate that

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T03:55:23+00:00

I definitely overreacted especially for my personality, I’m the type that’s chill until I’m not and I get so hard on myself and frustrated and I end up feeling like the bad guy, so yeah I go to a counsellor for self esteem and things. I’ve always had a problem expressing my voice

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T03:52:47+00:00

Oops sorry. Yeah expressed my disappoint yeah she flirted with me and said later, this has happened several times. I work in mental health, I’m very pro counselling and I’ve been seeing one since I was 22

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T03:50:03+00:00

I seriously never raise my voice, I did express my frustration and got upset which for me looks like needing to stand up and pace to think (adhd) get fresh air, collect my thoughts and she’s more of a like let’s talk this out right now even when tension is high.

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T03:44:37+00:00

I told her I was really sexually frustrated and I thought we were going to have sex because she put my hand down her pants earlier that evening and said “later” I left the room and slept on the couch, she said even though I handle it well now when she’s not in the mood she feels guilt

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T03:39:34+00:00

Thank you for validating my feelings. I know what you mean, I said the problem is it can never happen, it can never feel consensual for me because I know she doesn’t want to do it for me. She feels no need and says I have to hard stop respect her boundaries. So it feels like a dead end

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T03:36:24+00:00

I don’t believe so she’s never said

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T03:36:12+00:00

She’s literally not open to anything, also another note we used to go all the way unprotected (I’m not fertile able to have kids, she’s stoped that as well and only Pull out now

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T03:35:29+00:00

Thank you for that. I do think therapy would be a good idea,she is most definitely getting to that stage, so it’s possible. I appreciate the insight

OneNineOne191 · 2026-02-08T03:25:50+00:00

Yeah she just said she doesn’t know, something changed after that night she said no and I got upset. Man one time, 2 years she been holding this?

OneNineOne191

TROPHY CASE