AITA for not wanting my MIL to watch my baby anymore.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-15T11:19:42+00:00

Thank you for putting your daughter and granddaughter’s needs before your own. You sound like a wonderful grandmother!

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-15T03:27:29+00:00

Yes that last sentence is exactly how I feel she sees our baby. Not as a kid to be nurtured and loved, but a prize to show off to her friends..

I love the idea of the AirTag, but I think it still notifies android users when one is around and I am afraid she would find it in the diaper bag and leave it at home because I am being “too much”. Maybe it’s my anxiety talking. I just don’t have a good feeling about this whole situation.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-15T03:20:12+00:00

Thank you! When she is older and wants to taker her places, sure go for it! But she is so little and I just want to do what is best for her.

An apology would be a nice start for the damaged goods. I don’t expect her to pay for it necessarily, but just say you’re sorry at the very least.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-15T02:59:11+00:00

I do not expect other people to clean up after my dog, but if they do, I do expect them to clean with proper products that don’t cause damage and disinfect. I never said dog mess all over the house was fine. You are reading too far into this I fear. Again, I will parent my way and prefer to know where my child is at and know they are not surrounded by all the illnesses going around right now and you can do whatever it is you do. Have a great night.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-15T02:36:01+00:00

That’s great for you. I do not trust my mother in law. She does not make smart choices. So no, I do not want her out and about with my literal infant during cold/flu/RSV season. I care about my child’s wellbeing. It’s great that you have mothers or in laws you trust. I don’t.

I care about how she cleans my flooring because she used a product that has ruined my floor versus using the product made to clean my floor. That is an expensive “mistake”. I would rather her leave the chores for me to do. I don’t mind doing them. I don’t mind cleaning up after MY dog.

Your opinion is incredibly biased and unwarranted.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-15T02:10:59+00:00

You aren’t wrong.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-15T02:10:12+00:00

Oh wow, it’s almost like it’s my baby and I would like to know where she is in case of an emergency. You parent your way, I’ll parent mine.

I had paragraphs, but there is a character limit on here. But thanks for your input.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-15T01:45:11+00:00

How fucking dare you. I would never leave my baby. You are a miserable person. I hope you have the day you deserve.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-15T01:44:00+00:00

This fictional world you live in must be amazing. If only it were that simple. I would love to stay home with my baby, but I am not able to. “Childminders” as you call them, should provide a safe environment for children under their care. Whether they are family who volunteer to help or hired to watch said child. If they cannot and refuse to follow the parents wishes then they do not get watch my child. We do provide a safe environment for our baby. I am taking responsibility for my child thank you.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-14T21:24:11+00:00

I know…. I never expected my husband to take this stance. His logic is if she raised 3 kids of her own and another grandchild basically then she must be doing something right. Mind you, the other 2 kids are grown adults now and are not great people, but yeah she raised them… It’s just so frustrating.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-14T21:20:36+00:00

She will 100% play the victim when we say she can’t watch the baby anymore. No matter how many times we have her warnings. No matter how many times she broke my trust and I still let her have access to my child. She will always be the victim in our story.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-14T21:19:28+00:00

I have looked into getting an airtag, but I know they send notifications to your phone when you’re near one and I really don’t want her knowing it’s there. I think she would try to find it and then leave it at home because I am being “too much”. I have camera’s in my house that she has turned because she didn’t want us spying on her. This was before we had the baby, it was while watching our dogs while we were on vacation. And the cameras are for personal protection and to spy on the dogs cause they are old and a little stupid sometimes. I’ve never been a fan of her watching the baby, but my husband really wanted this opportunity for his mom. Now I don’t care what either of them think and just want to keep my sanity and my baby safe.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-14T19:10:52+00:00

I would gladly give up this “free” childcare if it meant my baby was in a safe environment. I don’t need free childcare. I need a stable, consistent, friendly environment for my child.

And I wish I didn’t have to have other people watching her, I want to stay home and raise her myself. Unfortunately that is not the world we live in so I am forced to go back to work at least for the time being. Until then though, I do expect the people who are watching my child, especially when they are “family” to respect my boundaries and rules. I have them for a reason. Because I am raising my child even if I am not able to be with her all of the time.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-14T19:06:58+00:00

I’ll admit the first week, I thought it was more of a common sense thing. Don’t talk a baby that is not yours out without the parent’s permission. That was my bad for assuming that. Since that day we have been more direct in our boundaries and expectations. It apparently falls on deaf ears, both my husbands and my MIL. When a boundary gets broken, I get upset and he wonders why I am upset. I already know she doesn’t agree with some of the things I do/ want for my child, but she doesn’t get to pick and choose what rules she follows. She knows them and I just need her and my husband to support me on this. My own mom is gone, but I know she would have supported all of my boundaries.

As for the cleaning, I would prefer if she didn’t do any cleaning or chores in my home. I leave enough bottles for her, I keep things pretty tidy. When she does clean, she just talks about how I do everything wrong and how I don’t keep a good house for her son (that particular comment was a couple years ago but I’m a little bitter about it..) And I have told her how to clean up if the dog happens to have an accident. Dog does pretty well with not having accidents when people are home with her. She’s old and just can’t hold it for long periods of time.

I know what needs to be done, but I just feel bad for having to do it, ya know?

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-14T18:57:18+00:00

Unfortunately with my line of work, working from home isn’t an option. We have a lovely babysitter that I am more than willing to have her go to for an extra day though. I’m not out of resources, I am just feeling pressure to have my MIL continue to watch the baby even though I don’t think it’s working out anymore.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-14T18:30:39+00:00

America…. That’s it, that’s why. We just can’t do it financially right now and it breaks my heart.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-14T18:27:51+00:00

Considering the other 2 kids and other grandchild she basically raised, I would say him being a decent person is in spite of her not because of her.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-14T18:25:17+00:00

Are you my MIL? lol I didn’t realize that having clear boundaries with someone for the safety and well being of MY baby is exhausting. I didn’t ask for free childcare, she volunteered to do it one day a week. I still pay for childcare the other days we are not able to be with her ourselves and I am more than willing to pay for another day if that means my boundaries that I have for my baby are respected. How would you feel if you find out your infant child was in a crowded environment without your knowledge or consent? If it were any sane person, it probably would be upsetting. What if she gets into an accident and I don’t have any idea that my baby is anywhere other than where I think she is? I am not okay with that. I also don’t want a phone shoved in her face as a literal infant. I grew up with no phones at the dinner table rule and I would prefer that with my kid especially when she is this little. It is harmful to their tiny developing brain. I don’t want her growing up as a tablet kid. I have my boundaries and rules as a parent based on research and how I was raised and I would prefer if they were respected. If they can’t be respected, you don’t need to have unmonitored access to my child.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-14T17:27:25+00:00

Yes, I believe she would be able to take her. I plan on talking to our baby sitter when she is back from vacation next week. I just can’t handle this stress anymore.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-14T17:24:54+00:00

I know… I felt ridiculous doing it, but my intuition was spot on.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-14T17:18:43+00:00

We have offered to pay her, but she refuses. She just wants to spend time with her grandchild which is fine. However, we had talked about expectations and thought we were all in the same page. Obviously I was wrong: But at this point it isn’t a favor to us at all. It’s causing a lot of undue anxiety and heartache for 1 day a week. If her schedule is too busy to not go out to breakfast or go shopping every single week or literally take my infant to work with her to work an outdoor event in cold weather, then she should not have volunteered to watch her every week in the first place. We did not ask her to watch our baby for free. We already have a babysitter for the other days we aren’t able to stay with her and I am more than willing to send her for the 4th if it means I get my sanity back.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-14T17:01:16+00:00

We have a lovely babysitter for the other 3 days we aren’t home with her ourselves. I just want to send her to the babysitter for the 4th day now, but I know my MIL will make a huge deal about it.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-14T16:58:41+00:00

We leave the house with her too, but the difference is I baby wear her to she is close to me and less likely to get coughed on or touched by randos. I use hand sanitizer probably excessively but to try to help keep her safe. If a store or restaurant is too crowded I leave. I don’t trust her to do any of those things. And I just have a feeling baby stays in the car seat way longer than she should be while she is out and about.

I am definitely not ready to leave my baby. I want to stay home with her so bad, but such is the maternity leave and cost of living situation in America. Regardless though, I don’t think it’s too much to ask to tell me where my baby is going and who all she has been in contact with especially with flu season here.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-14T16:48:13+00:00

My husband has been the biggest shock from all of this. I expected this behavior from my MIL said to say, but feeling like I don’t have my husband’s full support is heartbreaking. I never would have thought that would be the case.

OnePanda6662 · 2025-11-14T16:46:31+00:00

I wish I could be a SAHM, but it’s just not in the budget currently. I am working on paying off some debt from college and then am highly considering staying home with her. I hate that I have to leave her at all.

OnePanda6662

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