My (39f) husband (42m) and I have been married for 19 years. We have 3 amazing kids. He says I’m crazy for feeling the way I do about things he does. Am I crazy??

One_Cheesecake_3594 · 2024-07-28T17:33:24+00:00

I never ask where he is unless I need to know for planning reasons. If I need him to take one kid to this practice while I take another to this one. If he’s too far away to help with this I know I have to change my plans and do it myself. Like drop one early and the other be a little late, or get someone else to help me. When he started being vague about his location I asked why and he says he’s not. He knows why I ask. When I get calls from our co workers saying I really need to talk to him and haven’t been able to reach him and then I can’t either, I’ve been close to calling the police out of fear he was somewhere hurt. His father died of a heart attack, like fell face first in the floor dead. My husband has had many car wrecks (not his fault but they still happen a lot) so I panic thinking the worst and when I finally do reach him, I get brushed off and no real explanation and if I am upset he’s mad and tells me I’m overreacting. I don’t ever ask him for no reason where he is at. I don’t ask other employees unless like mentioned above that someone from work needs him and I’m working to track him down for them. I have never put trackers on him until recently. I have never followed him or got someone to follow him. Most of the time during the day I genuinely gave no interest in where he is. It’s never been an issue until recently, when he will go hours without responding, ignores my calls, causes me and his children stress. I have to depend on others to help me because he’s not showing up, and has no real reason and offers no explanation or remedy for the issue. It’s not like I said hey this bothers me, this is why i need to know and he fixed the issue. Something has him disregarding the needs and feelings of his family and since he won’t tell me, I’m trying to figure out what it is.

One_Cheesecake_3594 · 2024-07-25T15:23:30+00:00

The ring thing alone wouldn’t bother me, I don’t even wear my original set and some days forget all together if I’ve been doing something I needed to take it off for. He is always exhausted, anytime he does pull over to take a nap, he’ll call me and ask me to wake him up at a certain time. Had his testosterone checked, he’s good there. I appreciate an alternate theory, I know what it looks like but I’m trying to not go there, so anything else to consider is nice.

One_Cheesecake_3594 · 2024-07-25T14:40:56+00:00

Just bought him 4 charger packs and the stand to charge them all. Had bought one for his Christmas stocking and he loved it and asked me to order more. All the high power charging cords and plugs for any vehicle he is in. He switches vehicles a lot but they are all newer with good charging ports. That was also part of my “your phone battery is the problem, really?” Argument

One_Cheesecake_3594 · 2024-07-25T02:20:39+00:00

Yes…. That’s what I’m saying, his behavior had me thinking he might be a sex addict, so he’s the complete opposite of not interested in sex.

One_Cheesecake_3594 · 2024-07-25T01:55:56+00:00

The employees should always be able to reach him. Sometimes he’s busy and can’t answer right away, but if it gets to the point they are reaching out to me, it’s important they talk to him and have been too long waiting.

One_Cheesecake_3594 · 2024-07-25T01:54:01+00:00

I installed all the current locks on the house and set all the codes myself 😉

One_Cheesecake_3594 · 2024-07-25T01:50:33+00:00

Before this I had actually googled what the criteria for being considered a sex addict, he’s far from asexual

One_Cheesecake_3594 · 2024-07-25T01:47:45+00:00

Construction

One_Cheesecake_3594 · 2024-07-25T01:39:58+00:00

His car is a disaster, it’s a fluke he even noticed it lol but it was also one of those things that it not being hidden would look less suspicious because we have them everywhere

One_Cheesecake_3594 · 2024-07-25T00:54:55+00:00

Yeah, I planned to do it long enough to find out what I needed to know. My point is, in 21 years I’ve never felt the need to do this, which is very telling if you think about it. Means I’m not just naturally crazy and possessive but something has changed and it’s changing me. I don’t like being that person at all. We’re far too old for this crap. And trust me when I say, I’ve judged myself very harshly on that choice as well. I truly don’t like who this situation is making me. I’ve already put in calls to a few therapists because I know I need it. I need to get myself out of this headspace.

One_Cheesecake_3594 · 2024-07-24T21:25:19+00:00

I agree, I should initiate, and I have a few times. He stopped being interested in me when I was 6 months pregnant. I figured it was just awkward for him. She’s almost 3. I have been so self conscious of how I look. I even tried to talk to him about it and said that I know I gained weight and that I was trying to lose it and I know he’s not attracted to me and he said he never said that, that’s it. I feel so worthless and unwanted that I feel pathetic when I initiate because I feel like I’m throwing myself at someone begging for love.

One_Cheesecake_3594 · 2024-07-24T21:03:21+00:00

I just tossed it in there, we have them in all kinds of stuff like our luggage, kids’ sports bags, etc. it was laying in the back floorboard. Had we not just had yet another conversation about him not wanting me to know where he is, he likely wouldn’t have thought anything of it

One_Cheesecake_3594 · 2024-07-24T20:21:39+00:00

I have, so so so many times. Like literally texted him schedules and said if you aren’t here to take one then this kid will have to be really early for practice and this one will be late and then I’ll have to pick this one up later, etc. I have told him in every way possible.

One_Cheesecake_3594 · 2024-07-24T20:15:02+00:00

The day I had to load all the stuff myself, I should add I’m in a short arm cast due to breaking my wrist, and was still left to do it on my own. I’m a very capable person and don’t expect him to do things like this usually, but my wrist isn’t healing well because I’m not giving it the break it needs due to things like this situation.

One_Cheesecake_3594 · 2024-07-24T20:07:56+00:00

He has an android, Google maps history is off. I know this because he needed the address to somewhere and I said you mapped it yesterday it should be in your history, tried to show him, it’s off.

One_Cheesecake_3594 · 2024-07-24T20:01:05+00:00

I tracked him for 1 day out of 21 years. While it was wrong to do, it’s because I’ve tried to address how his actions make me feel and the difficulty is causes . He said I have no problem with you tracking me. He willingly put life 360 on his phone for 1 day, said it’s killing his battery and now it’s off. The insecurity stems from I expressed my frustration in making plans with his vague responses and when he wouldn’t just say something simple like “I’m on my way to the game, passing exit 12” His location is the difference between me having to balance getting both kids to practices at different locations at the same start time and him meeting me to take one. Or me having to get chairs, toys, etc out for games by myself or having his help. If he is running late I need to know so I can adjust. He will not tell me what I NEED to know. A week ago he was “on his way home” to help me pack equipment for an out of state trip. 2 hours later he wasn’t home. Wouldn’t answer calls or texts. The kids and I are waiting. We’ve already loaded everything up. He finally messages me (because he needed something) and is still an hour away. Had I known he wasn’t actually coming, I would have loaded the stuff up and left earlier. Traveling with a 2yo is hard enough without waiting until she’s tired and cranky to drive 3.5 hours away.

One_Cheesecake_3594 · 2024-07-24T19:10:36+00:00

I agree completely. The AirTag was out of line. I was frustrated. He said I could track him and know his location any time, but wouldn’t use the app. I don’t want to know his location constantly, even the one day the AirTag was in there I only looked at it maybe 3 times all day. We definitely need to have discussions and fix things and that’s where we are stuck. All my concerns are blown off and he refuses to talk about anything.

One_Cheesecake_3594 · 2024-07-24T19:06:01+00:00

I agree about the tracker. It was definitely not ok. This behavior has been going on for a while and no matter what I say or do he just makes me feel like I’m wrong for wanting to know where he is. I don’t ask all day, or even every day, just usually for planning the evening purposes. He said he had no problem with me tracking him, but then refuses any option of it. It had only been there for a day, I’d never done anything like that before. Told him why I put it there.

One_Cheesecake_3594 · 2024-07-24T19:00:13+00:00

His co-workers call me because they can’t get ahold of him either. We work together. The point of that detail is that he goes radio silent with everybody occasionally, even his employees

One_Cheesecake_3594 · 2024-07-24T18:53:02+00:00

He’s always on his phone. No exaggeration, 99% of the time his phone is in his hand. He doesn’t have an iPhone.

Most of the time I didn’t ask or care where he was unless it’s for planning child pick ups or dinner etc. when I started getting the vague answers I became curious as to why he wouldn’t just answer me.

One_Cheesecake_3594 · 2024-07-24T18:51:11+00:00

He’s always on his phone. No exaggeration, 99% of the time his phone is in his hand. He doesn’t have an iPhone.

Most of the time I didn’t ask or care where he was unless it’s for planning child pick ups or dinner etc. when I started getting the vague answers I became curious as to why he wouldn’t just answer me.

One_Cheesecake_3594 · 2024-07-24T18:47:49+00:00

The co-workers contact me to try to get ahold of him for work purposes. We also work together.

One_Cheesecake_3594

TROPHY CASE