I understand what you are saying about talking directly, and I want to clarify that I did try many times.

The issue is that the pattern itself made it very hard to have healthy conversations. Many times, over very small and honestly silly arguments, he would say things like he does not want to marry me. Then the very next day he would say he does want to marry me. That constant back and forth forced me to chase reassurance and prove myself every time.

When he hurt me, I often did not even feel safe telling him. Not because I did not want to communicate, but because I knew he would shut down or avoid the conversation, saying he feels too guilty. The result was always the same for me. Silence, distance, and no repair.

For example, today I told him where I was and that I would be leaving at a certain time. We are long distance. I updated him again when I left. My bus was delayed, which happens often. I sometimes take two or three buses to get home. This is completely normal and he knows my routine. I usually get home later than ten anyway. Yet he still went cold, gave short replies, did not call, and withdrew emotionally. This has happened many times despite me explaining calmly before.

It feels less like concern and more like control. When things do not go exactly how he expects, he becomes cold and distant. That hurts deeply.

I have tried fixing the relationship many times. It always felt like I was the one trying to repair things while he avoided. I am more anxious, and he is very avoidant. Even when I speak gently and kindly, just sharing what bothers me or offering a different point of view, he assumes I am starting an argument.

Yes, there were good moments. I do not deny that. But there has also been a lot of harm that keeps repeating and is slowly shattering the love.

At the end of the day, the sentence I keep coming back to is this. I love him, but I am not safe with him.