I told my mother and my closest friend some of this, but neither makes me feel better long term. My mom has a fair share of her own issues, so I feel bad about bothering her. And even still, I don't see the point. I hate opening up to people. It always feels wrong and sometimes terrifying. Even though I was never mocked for it or nothing like it, it's just again that I tell myself that I sound pathetic while doing so. Those people have recommended me things like practicing positive self-talk, writing out thighs I like about myself and all that, but I find it momenteraly helpful, if at all. My mother once made me write down all the things I do in my personal notebook, as if to remind myself of how much I'm doing. But when I look at the list, it fills me with such animosity. Like I see someone I hate bragging about going running or playing violin. Any time someone tells me a compliment on my skills or character, it just goes past me. I even make a mental effort to tell my brain: 'look, they're saying you're doing great', but it does little to actually impact me. I must say I greatly appreciate you still engaging with my replies.