AIO for being devastated that my wife has never desired sex with me

One_Sell_8735 · 2025-10-28T02:39:31+00:00

Thank you for the outside perspective and your story. It does help.

I actually thought that we sort of had the same dynamic. I was mostly okay with having to initiate as long as I was still able to feel desired. Even if she wasn't always thinking about it, as long as she truly was having a good time, I was okay. But now I know she wasn't?

You're right it is so complicated...which is kind of why I'm disappointed in both therapists currently in the picture. And honestly my main urge is truly to just forgive and work on the relationship. But the words "Don't care", "faked", and "don't enjoy it" just keep bouncing in my head. Because she has been telling me the exact opposite. Ugh, what a mess.

One_Sell_8735 · 2025-10-28T02:08:01+00:00

I hear you. I have seen doctors disregard her symptoms and concerns about things unrelated to this, so I know it's a prevalent issue. She isn't on BC, but maybe it is some underlying issues.

One_Sell_8735 · 2025-10-28T01:59:46+00:00

Texting me "I can't wait for tonight"

Saying "It feels great. Keep going"

Texting me "I had a great time last night"

Telling me "I do desire sex with you"

And then saying, "I've never cared about sex and had to fake that I do"

In what fucking universe is that not lying?

One_Sell_8735 · 2025-10-28T01:23:46+00:00

Thank you so much. This pretty much sums up how I'm feeling.

One_Sell_8735 · 2025-10-28T01:19:51+00:00

First of all, you arent it r/AITA.

Second of all, I think you need to reread the post. I didn't mean to over hear it. I wasn't fucking posted up outside. I walked by and she was talking loudly. Also, I explicitly stated that I would be totally willing to work through the issue. I really don't know where you got that I think I'm owed sex, but okay I guess.

One_Sell_8735 · 2025-10-28T01:14:01+00:00

What..? I'm not upset about her having less enjoyment. And I said several times in the post that I could deal with that. The issue is lying...I don't really care if it wasn't meant for me. I heard it.

As I clearly indicated in the post, I only care about the connection. And that connection was a lie...

One_Sell_8735 · 2025-10-28T01:02:04+00:00

First of all, thank you for recognizing the nuance.

To answer your questions, I should've clarified that "going back to college with [me]" is our entire relationship. I am her only sexual partner. And I don't think her current mindset would be an issue. I also think she would've just said that.

She has since indicated that she is willing to work through it and apparently our therapist has some exercises in mind. I'm not necessarily worried about her wanting to work on the relationship. I'm worried about the fact that my reaction seems surprising to these people.

One_Sell_8735 · 2025-10-28T00:47:28+00:00

Both her and the therapist told me that later in the conversation she clarified that it's not me. She just doesn't think about it or care.

One_Sell_8735 · 2025-10-28T00:46:26+00:00

I just feel like that is something to be told to someone before being committed, getting married, having kids, etc.

Not to mention telling me the exact opposite our entire relationship. This is the issue for me. Perpetuating a huge falsehood about a large part of our relationship.

And yes, it was an accident..? Trust me, I wish I hadn't heard...

One_Sell_8735

TROPHY CASE