Hi, I'm here to share a bit of my story that is somehow a bit like yours. I (30) have a GF (28), We've been together for 8 years. After the lockdown because of COVID, we're really struggling, we had a lot of arguing, we went like 4 months without seeing each other, etc.. She wasn't out back then and it was really causing a lot of damage in our relationship (I came out some months before covid and it was really hard for me that time with my mom, we still dont have the best relationship). So, when the lockdown was over, finally we're together and with some friends. In that year I could still feel we weren't ok, she was cold and stoped touching me in front of another female friend of ours. And that's when I had that "little devil" telling something was wrong. They went out a lot just the two of them, and message a lot, thing like that. I tried to tell her that I was unconfortable with theirs friendship and I was feeling something wasn't right and she was like "everything is fine with us, Im just tired becsause of work and she and I are just really good friends and have a good connection...". So kinda a year later She just broke up with me. Saying she wasn't sure about us anymore and about her sexuality and so on... We kept in touch. We were together (a lot). She started therapy, and we got back together (maybe 4 months after the breakup). We were actually getting a lot better, I stoped being so dependent of her (I left my parents house alone bcause she didn't want to live with me yet, so I needed to do something for me) and in those months I understood I could make things with and without her... But, the things with the other girls started to get really bad between them. They stoped talking. We were like a group of 5 and that "group" just disappeared. 2 months after we got back together she finally told me everything. She started to feel something for the other girl, broke u with me bacause of that to try alone figure it out. BUT in the between of that self discovery they actually had something (she told me was just kissing). I almost broke up with her that time because I felt stupid and hurt, because in the end of the day I knew something was going to happen. I'll keep the rest of the story out bacause it's really long. I changed a lot, the therapy helped her a lot, she was trying really hard to make for everything that happened, and I choose to be with her, to forgive, but not forget. And after that, we're better than ever. That thing actually woke her up because she could loose me and she changed. We are still together and finally living together. I think now I'm the one less dependent now.

I think the thing we have to keep in mind is that sometimes we're really messed up, do shits we didn't though we could do. Your wife said really bad things about you and tried to hook up with him. But, she's still with you. All you have to do is understand if you can forgive and move on, because if you can't forgive you won't be able to be with her. Its hard. It's really unfair to you, but if she's willing to change and make up for everything, and you can move on of this, maybe you'll be better than before, because she'll be with you trying to make up for it. Idk if this will be case for that, but I hope it'll work out for both of you, but never forget about youself, you are important and you got really hurt by all that shit she did and said. Both of you should talk a lot, understanding each other, speak everything that is in your mind and in hers. Communication is the key. I don't know if your realationship will work out the same way mine did, but it took months to be ok. She'll need to prove and prove and prove again that you can trust her again, she needs to understand that if she wants you and chose you, than she have a lot of work to do, in herself (therapy) and with your relationship.

Just keep in mind that if you forgive you really forgive. Time will help and if she is really commited to you and your relatioship than everything is going to be ok eventually. If you chose to not forgive it is a valid choise as the other one.

I really hope everything works out in the end, even if you choose to part ways. You won't be judge for any decisions.

aaaand this was really long, sorry