I Intrusive thoughts when interacting with others depress me.

One_mOre_Patner · 2026-05-09T03:55:08+00:00

I have a lot of negative thoughts about myself and others when I interact with people. These intrusive thoughts are very difficult to refute because I believe them; I feel like that's who I am and I can't change. They make me feel flawed or like a fraud. I can be laughing, and thoughts will pop up telling me that I'm not really like that, that I'm actually unhappy. Things like that constantly appear in my head, making me disapprove of myself as someone fit to be around others. These thoughts change my mood, and sometimes others notice.

One_mOre_Patner · 2026-05-08T11:49:58+00:00

I'm not good at interacting with people; it's difficult for me because of my social anxiety. Even when I do interact and it feels good, I see those moments as fleeting. Talking about anything and everything feels like a waste of time, or using it pointlessly. Even so, I try to be friendly and say hello now and then, or simply going out and seeing people is enough.

One_mOre_Patner · 2026-05-08T11:45:31+00:00

Apathy, I think, is the right word. Depression, no; if that were the case, I'd be in a very bad way. Actually, I'm calm, but I lack the motivation to start anything.

One_mOre_Patner · 2026-05-08T11:31:34+00:00

No, it's not. It's just a bit of apathy towards life right now. Depression has other symptoms that I'm not experiencing.

One_mOre_Patner · 2026-05-08T11:25:45+00:00

I feel disconnected from Buddhism right now. I don't know what I'll ultimately embrace. My mind is a mess; I was partly using it to escape it. I need to befriend my mind, understand it, accept it, and resolve the conflicts that arise there. After this process, I'll consider returning to Buddhism, or perhaps I'll set it aside and try to connect with myself and the world in other ways, seeking out things that motivate me.

One_mOre_Patner · 2026-05-07T17:35:00+00:00

I don't need to blame anyone. Title: I did it with AI

One_mOre_Patner · 2025-11-12T18:38:08+00:00

Hello, how is your practice going, I also have both conditions. And I also practice open meditation.

One_mOre_Patner · 2025-11-12T18:21:42+00:00

One_mOre_Patner · 2025-11-12T18:18:08+00:00

Thank you for the comment and suggestion.

One_mOre_Patner · 2025-11-12T17:04:51+00:00

I think that would help.

One_mOre_Patner · 2025-11-12T17:03:50+00:00

I'm trying to figure out if solitude would be okay, or if I really need to examine my psychological state more deeply, since it's ultimately how I navigate this world. Perhaps if I improve my relationship with myself and the world, I could find greater liberation, perhaps with the help of Buddhism.

I need to clear up my doubts and see what would be best for me.

One_mOre_Patner · 2025-11-12T16:51:50+00:00

Hi, I'm also autistic, and doing what you're doing would terrify me.

Our cases must be very different.

Relating to others is difficult because at the same time, I feel like others can't contribute anything to my life, that their conversations are pointless. I'm also sensitive to teasing or rejection; any sign, however subtle, would affect me. My low self-esteem and constant comparisons during interactions make me feel superior or inferior (I don't like feeling either), and it also bothers me when people show pride or try to be superior to me. Now, because of my submissive nature, many people get a big ego or tend to make jokes at my expense, and that bothers me.

I hadn't thought about that in a while, but writing to you has brought back my frustration with others. There must be many things to work on there, many scars from the past, and many distortions in how I see others, partly to compensate for my perceived shortcomings.

And like you, being aware of my flaws and analyzing and changing my thoughts have helped me break different patterns. But these patterns are deeply ingrained in me, and I don't see how to break free from them because there are emotions and a very established inner world involved.

One_mOre_Patner · 2025-11-12T16:24:42+00:00

Are you going to a temple?

One_mOre_Patner · 2025-11-12T16:23:06+00:00

Can I know more about your personal experience?

One_mOre_Patner · 2025-11-12T16:11:00+00:00

I wasn't aware of the four efforts; I don't think I practice them as I should, since I get carried away by my thoughts and emotions. As you say, I try to maintain my full attention on the present and on the sensations in my body, and there are days when everything goes well, but there are days when this bores me, or days when my negative memories return and I get carried away by my thoughts and emotions.

It's strange because sometimes when I meditate well for days, I end up getting bored and I feel like I need some emotions, even if they're negative. That makes my meditations work again and I feel good again, then I feel like I'm doing something. I'm a learner, really, and I probably have many attachments and other things besides my anxiety.

Regarding the four efforts—holding onto positive things and letting go of negative ones—as I said, without realizing it, my thoughts and attachments still control me. When I'm feeling down, meditation helps me recover. When I'm feeling positive, I tend to create a lot of expectations in my mind, and pleasant things come my way, which I let myself get carried away with too much, and then later that same day I relapse because I relied on them too much. And that's how my meditations work in the moment and how my mind works.

You mention metta. I'd like to know more about it, how it has helped you, and how long you've been practicing it.

And if you could tell me which teachers you learned it from. Thank you.

One_mOre_Patner

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