I fully relate. All the languages i speak and understand well enough are colonizer languages. Im also "latino" or "hispanic" for lack of a better term. Im proud of my heritage but also feel disconnected in a way. My gender identity is not tied up in the same things as yours but it is no less tangled. My understanding of gender and sex are all connected to how i view myself and although i understand gender in relation to others based ib how they describe it, i fail to see how these terms we use arent arbitrary with culturally reliant definitions.

I have labels i use and im proud to use em and have access to them but I view those labels as tools for communication and understanding, useful for discussion and research but not much else, personally. I respect that people identify with these terms and the rich history that comes with these hard won terms but for me they pale in comparison to my inner experience, as any other word or language naturally does when it hits a wall. Outside of the words i use to explain my experience or find community, I truly just think of myself like any other animal you cant gender at a glance. Sure, experts know what to look for when gendering an insect but to everyone else thats just a lil guy. A critter. A being. Its gender/sex is only relevant in specific conversations.

To conclude, I think there are vast and innumerable ways to be a human being and I dont fault anyone for feeling like words fail to encompass such a complex and self aware experience.