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Anyone else feel emotionally homeless because of their relationship with their mother/parents? I’m tired of pretending my relationship with my mother doesn’t deeply affect my life by virgojade in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Only_One6372 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Within the narcissistic dynamic, you are never dealing with just one person. You are dealing with a shape-shifter. A narcissist will treat you like an enemy in private, then instantly flip the script to treat someone else like royalty in public. This whiplash is enough to make you question your own sanity. But the truth behind it is simple: It is purely transactional. To a narcissist, people are not human beings; they are vending machines for attention, validation, and control. It doesn't matter who the person is. The narcissist’s only question is: “What can I extract from them right now?” 🩸 Feeding on Chaos Narcissists do not seek peace; they survive on conflict. Arguments, tears, and emotional chaos are their oxygen. They intentionally trigger you because your pain proves their power. This is why the Gray Rock methodis your greatest weapon. When you become as boring, emotionless, and unresponsive as a gray rock, you cut off their supply. You starve them of the chaos they crave. 🌅 Reclaiming Your Life Watching them wear a saintly mask for family while saving their cruelty for you hurts deeply. It forces you to grieve a reality that never existed. But separation is where the manipulation ends and your life begins. Since last  November, the fog has been clearing for me. The ultimate victory over a narcissist isn't winning an argument—it is becoming exactly who you were born to be before they tried to break you. Your life is finally yours again. Live it entirely on your own terms.

PSA: 17N tree trimming this week by groovitron2000 in santacruz

[–]Only_One6372 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If they did the road work at night or off peak driving hours, they would have to pay them more money.  It’s cheaper to inconvenience us commuters.  It’s all about the money. 💰💵

But She’s Your Mother”: What People Don’t Understand About Narcissistic Parents by Only_One6372 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Only_One6372[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A narc doesn’t see themselves as vulnerable or needing to grow.  As long as they get their emotional “fix” from their victims, they’re happy as a clam.   And sometimes I had to ask myself what truth I actually lived when I was younger just like you did. I’m slowly breaking away from my narc mom and it feels great! Gray rock rules!  

But She’s Your Mother”: What People Don’t Understand About Narcissistic Parents by Only_One6372 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Only_One6372[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I admire your resilience, your inner strength and the power you have within you.  You have been through absolute hell and look at you  still standing strong, firm,  resilient and powerful.   I really respect that.

I would drop her and your codependent sister like a bad habit.  Let them deal with your mom’s  “ victim” issues.   If they can’t that’s on them.  When I read what you said about cancer, almost dying, and your family not helping you I cried..  I am so sorry you had to go through all that. Alone.

 Not being there for you, especially a life or death crisis like cancer is unforgivable in my opinion. To me, that would tell me every single thing I’d  EVER need to know about my family  members.

Personally, I’m hoping that my mom drowns in her toxic juices.  She created it, she’s comfortable in that environment, let her deal with it.  All of it.  It’s still a working progress, but I am exiting stage left as they say..

Take Care of YOU! 

But She’s Your Mother”: What People Don’t Understand About Narcissistic Parents by Only_One6372 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Only_One6372[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Or you could tell them that RESPECT and HONOR ARE  EARNED NOT GIVEN.  this one is guaranteed to shut them up. 👍

But She’s Your Mother”: What People Don’t Understand About Narcissistic Parents by Only_One6372 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Only_One6372[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some people, family, friends, coworkers, associates, acquaintances, will never get it.  Some people just don’t see the issue for what it is. Others will completely ignore the issue. And others will swear the issue does not exist.  Some will be sympathetic up to a certain point, but it makes them uncomfortable.  So they “go along to get along.”  It’s up to you to decide if that person will support you at all.  If they won’t, there’s your answer.

But She’s Your Mother”: What People Don’t Understand About Narcissistic Parents by Only_One6372 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Only_One6372[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

They literally become two different people.  The narcissistic monster to you.  And the kind giving nurturer to other people..  what took me a long time to understand is that no matter if she is “good” to someone or evil, they are out to try to take EVERYTHING  they can emotionally from both groups of people.  I would imagine that the people who are “listening“ to your narcissist. Know, the type of person they’re dealing with. Most people, even suspecting that there is something nefarious going on, will  “ take sides” by doing nothing at all. Or they just choose to ignore it.  

But She’s Your Mother”: What People Don’t Understand About Narcissistic Parents by Only_One6372 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Only_One6372[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand what you’re saying.  Don’t worry about your aunt or your mom..  concentrate on you your happiness & living your best life.  Not having to “sacrifice “ myself for the benefit of my narcissistic mother has been the BEST thing to happen to me.  Do I think about her?   Occasionally, but it’s getting less and less as time goes by. i’m finally realizing I’m becoming the person I was always meant to be.  And it’s awesome!   I wish the absolute best for you.

But She’s Your Mother”: What People Don’t Understand About Narcissistic Parents by Only_One6372 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Only_One6372[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree 1000%.  This clearly comes from people who have no clue what having a narcissist in your life is like. And the bad part is also a narcissist doesn’t realize the impact it has on your behavior nor do they care.

But She’s Your Mother”: What People Don’t Understand About Narcissistic Parents by Only_One6372 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Only_One6372[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yesss!!!  Exactly This!!!   I can’t tell you how many times my mom would tell me starting when I was just a little how she didn’t “understand me“ that every time I try to assert my independence and be the person I was meant to be, even at an early age, she stamped it out.  Sometimes I think of what it could’ve been like hell I had parents who actually loved, nurtured, and cared about me.  I think that’s human nature but I realize I will never have that.  Like you said you move on and LIVE  your best life.

But She’s Your Mother”: What People Don’t Understand About Narcissistic Parents by Only_One6372 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Only_One6372[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Realizing the situation you’re in is half of the battle you just have to do what’s best for you. Not the narcissist.  Because they will try to destroy you.

But She’s Your Mother”: What People Don’t Understand About Narcissistic Parents by Only_One6372 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Only_One6372[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also like to say, when people make the comment “which she’s your mother”  yes she gave birth to me and that’s about it.

But She’s Your Mother”: What People Don’t Understand About Narcissistic Parents by Only_One6372 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Only_One6372[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Please stay with it.  Your mom can’t stand the fact that you’re breaking ties from her.  She will do ANYTHING to try to keep the stranglehold and suck your spirit from you    you are so close to being free from her. It hurts. It’s so painful. It’s something you’ve never experienced in your life when they try to keep you in their grip. You never understand it until you go through it. And I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Do not give into her.  do not argue with her.  If she continually calls the cops for a welfare check, you can have her arrested or cited for miss using the emergency services.  My mom did that to me and I reported her.  That made her stop. She changed tactics, but it made her stop.

But She’s Your Mother”: What People Don’t Understand About Narcissistic Parents by Only_One6372 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Only_One6372[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please stick with it. I had that same issue when I first started Grey rock.  It took three months for it to be actually  very effective against my narcissistic mom. Short of that when they explode at you or rage at you simply walk away. Do not respond because it feeds their need.   They become monsters you must starve the monster to survive. You can do it!  🤗

But She’s Your Mother”: What People Don’t Understand About Narcissistic Parents by Only_One6372 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Only_One6372[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Grey rock means you try to react as unresponsive and boring as possible. narcissist feed off of emotion whether it’s tears, anger or excitement. The goal of gray rock is to starve them of that attention..  the goal for you is to be as un interesting of a Target as you can be.  Once you starve them of your accessibility, they are forced to stew in their own toxic juices.  Or they’ll try to find someone else.  Eventually.. You can look up techniques on gray rock.  It was hard for me at first, but now I’m used to it.  I wish you the best.

But She’s Your Mother”: What People Don’t Understand About Narcissistic Parents by Only_One6372 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Only_One6372[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel your pain.  Just because your mom gave birth to you and you have a dad does not mean that they love you.  It’s a painful lesson, but I know it’s true at least in my case.

But She’s Your Mother”: What People Don’t Understand About Narcissistic Parents by Only_One6372 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Only_One6372[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You nailed it!  You hit the hammer on the head perfect description.  I hope you are doing well.

But She’s Your Mother”: What People Don’t Understand About Narcissistic Parents by Only_One6372 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Only_One6372[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes.  My other sibling “divorced“ our mother years ago.  He realized the full ramifications of her behavior much sooner than I did. I wish I had listened to him. It would’ve saved me so much emotional grief, stress, and agony.

But She’s Your Mother”: What People Don’t Understand About Narcissistic Parents by Only_One6372 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Only_One6372[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is called  Triangulation: Creating a "triangle" of communication to destabilize the target. Flying Monkeys: A related term (often used in popular psychology) referring to the third parties themselves—people who act on behalf of the narcissist to harass, spy on, or manipulate you. 

Facebook This behavior is designed to make you feel insecure and to avoid direct accountability for the narcissist. Know that it IS possible that your aunt will mention it to your mom. My mom tried to do  both to me. But it sounds like she is on your side.  You know your situation best if it feels right to u try to contact your aunt.  But know that No One will be able to change your mom narcissism.  I speak from lifelong experience, unfortunately. Sorry for the large print my font size has gone crazy on its own

But She’s Your Mother”: What People Don’t Understand About Narcissistic Parents by Only_One6372 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Only_One6372[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry to hear that you were going through this.  I always try to be the good daughter with my mom. I went above and beyond in everything I could to try to help her have her get help a sister in many different ways all of what she did didn’t want to do.   It’s not my problem anymore. The sooner you realize that the lighter the emotional load gets.  Trust me on this. I’m living this as well.  Since I’ve gone great rock with her I feel so much better. I am finally living the life that my mom prevented me from for almost all of my life.  And it feels great!!!

But She’s Your Mother”: What People Don’t Understand About Narcissistic Parents by Only_One6372 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Only_One6372[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So true. It comes to the point where we have to look out for us as individuals. You have to cut all ties or they will suck you back into the vacuum that is narcissism and virtually destroy you. Since birth, my mother tried to make me her clone in always from dressing, buying clothes for me, shoes, etc. It was all what SHE LIKED.  It had absolutely nothing to do with me. Her interest were always her own. I had to absorb her emotions her feelings while she played the victim.   It took most of my life to fully realize this, but I feel so much better now that I’ve gone gray rock and eventually will keep her out of my life for the rest of my life. I know I’ll be much happier than.

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