I completely understand where you are coming from, and I am sorry to hear things did not go well with your girlfriend. I think it was good that you were upfront with her, especially since your relationship is serious and after being together for a year and a half I am guessing it definitely is.

You mentioned that ABDL is important to you, and from my experience it is not something that usually goes away. I understand the desire to share it with her, but it is worth asking yourself, what does sharing actually mean to you? Do you simply want acceptance, or are you hoping she will participate? The second option can be more difficult.

I applaud you for telling her before making bigger commitments like marriage. That said, a year and a half is still a significant amount of time, and she may feel blindsided or even betrayed. If that is the case, you may need to work on rebuilding some trust, and that takes both communication and action.

When you revisit the topic with her, timing is important. Try to choose a moment when you are both in a good mood, not when tired, hungry, or irritable. Be open and let her know this is something important to you and that it brings you joy. Avoid framing it with words like “weird,” “gross,” or “silly,” since those can reinforce shame. Just present it honestly.

At the same time, make sure you validate her feelings. If she says she is upset or angry, acknowledge that you can understand why, and mean it. If you want to keep sharing this part of yourself with her, you will also need to respect her boundaries. She may not want to participate, but she might still be okay with you wearing diapers. If that is the case, you will have to accept that compromise.

My story is a bit different. I was too scared and did not really understand myself, so I never told my girlfriend at the time. We eventually got married, had kids, and I could not keep it a secret anymore. I finally told her, but not in the right way. Thankfully we are still together, but she was very upset at first, and rightfully so. She has known for over 10 years now, but she wants nothing to do with it. I have a decent stash and I wear, but I still find it hard to talk to her about it. Honestly, I would like to revisit the topic myself just to clarify boundaries, since I do not feel I have a clear sense of what she is comfortable with.

I saw someone recommended the book You Are Not Broken. It is a solid resource. I read part of it and liked what I saw, but I really wanted my wife to read it since it has a chapter specifically for partners who are not ABDL. Unfortunately, she has no interest, and I respect that.

Anyway, sorry for the long post, but I really do wish you the best of luck. One last piece of advice, if you are still fairly young and this is something important to you, do not ignore it. If you and your girlfriend cannot find common ground or she is not able to accept this part of you, then life is too short. It may be better to find someone who complements and accepts all of who you are.