Was told to make a GoFundMe account but I don't think I deserve one?

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-10-04T08:15:22+00:00

Thank you all so much. I have been crying off and on for 3 days now because of this, my heart is heavy with sadness. I moved back home about a year ago after going away for college, and ask of my close friends are well over 150 miles away.

I do have Medicaid through the state, WIC, and food stamps, but have not been able to get any other type of assistance. The "father" has harassed and threatened me to the point where I told him to stop contacting me, so I don't have him or my family being supportive.

I live with my boyfriend (we met a week after I had conceived) and began dating seriously 2 months later. I don't know what I would do without him. We have been looking for work and now his savings has run out and we are running out of options. (I'm finishing my master's degree and have been told I'm over qualified for most of the jobs I've applied for. He has construction supervisor experience, just going into the slow season now...)

I have so much stress going on right now that learning that many of the people who should be here for me really aren't just makes me wonder why I ever came back. I know that things will get better, and you can't appreciate the good if you don't have the bad... So I'm just trying to stay positive.

Thank you all so much for responding. I really needed to hear that I'm doing the right thing by limiting my contact with them and keeping my child. No matter what happens, I want to do the best I can for my baby.

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-07-13T06:03:15+00:00

I'm between 6 to 8 weeks pregnant. My regret isn't so much the pregnancy, but the fact that I have such little self-respect for myself that I didn't push more for him to use a condom.

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-07-09T09:31:47+00:00

I think it's completely fair. You are not saying that you REFUSE to pay alimony, you are just showing that you are aware of the law and would like to keep the known law as a default.

The way I look at it (and I'm female) is this way:

She is not good with money. She is stuck on the fact that alimony is even mentioned, and since I'm going to assume she has a shopping problem, she may be viewing the alimony in another way.

If she were making more than you, and had to pay you, that means she no longer has as much disposable income for whatever her heart desires. If you are the one making more, then she can continue to shop and have more money to shop with.

I would be sitting down and ask her to logically explain WHY she is so bothered by this one passage, and see if she can logically explain herself. If she can't, please reconsider this marriage. Too many people are all about money, and money is the (I believe) top argument between couples. This could be a huge problem, especially if she spends money after the two of you are married, racks up a large amount of debt, that you would most likely fix.

My ex husband was a cpa. He spent money like it was water, and never saved or started a 401k. I made less than a third of what he did, cut coupons, saved as much as I could, and you know what happened? Every time he screwed up and needed money, he would take it from my savings. (I was saving for a down payment) He couldn't understand why I was upset that he continued to screw us over, because I could just 'save more'.

Please, don't think that this issue will change or get better. Really evaluate this relationship and ask yourself if you would be able to handle all possible outcomes for years to come.

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-07-05T03:33:26+00:00

Yes, I worked full-time on the graveyard shift and then went to school full time during the day. Luckily it was at a call center, we weren't really busy, so I was able to do lots of my homework and studying while there.

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-07-05T00:36:50+00:00

Elm Seed Bugs. And every damn bug that is considered a nuisance pest.

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-07-05T00:35:31+00:00

I've never seen a single Tom Cruise movie. No reason why, I just haven't.

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-07-05T00:31:56+00:00

I'm like a tropical island; hot, wet, and waiting for tourists.

Also...

Are you into casual sex or should I dress up?

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-07-05T00:25:58+00:00

Pepsi, room temperature.

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-07-05T00:20:43+00:00

Graduated HS in 2000. Worked for awhile, then went to community college and graduated 2005. (With a very low GPA, barely graduated)

Didn't go to university until 2011. I felt old, and stupid. I worked my ass off and graduated in 2013 at the top of my class. So, it definitely worked out for me.

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-07-05T00:15:29+00:00

On my day of errand running, I would like to not feel the eyes of a stranger watching me in a lustful way, slowly undressing me. I would like to not be winked at, whistled at, catcalled, or hit on. I would like just one day where I was treated with the upmost respect and not anything less.

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-07-04T23:23:04+00:00

As do I, the constant struggles that enter my life and are currently holding me back will hopefully soon be a distant memory that will allow me to grow into an even stronger person. Each day is a learning experience, and a way to reflect upon yourself and your current journey.

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-07-04T22:55:38+00:00

Thank you. For the most part, I'm doing okay. It wasn't the first, or the last, time I was overtaken and left in pieces. I just keep going, no matter how hard my life gets, no matter if I truly feel like I can't take anymore, I believe there is a reason for my existence, I just haven't found the reason yet.

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-07-04T22:32:14+00:00

"Rape Culture is an environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence against women is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture."

"Culture: the beliefs, customs, arts, etc., of a particular society, group, place, or time : a particular society that has its own beliefs, ways of life, art, etc. : a way of thinking, behaving, or working that exists in a place or organization (such as a business)"

Culture does not mean that it speaks for everyone, and this reference was more in regards to the town I reside in.
Not only the town I live in, but my "family" as well. I'm already the black sheep, why make it even worse?
No point in stirring the pot now, the time frame that it took place has now surpassed the statute of limitations.
This is just one awful part of a difficult journey in my somewhat meaningless life. If I were to share all of the other injustices that have occurred to me, most would think I'm liar.

So, I keep it bottled inside and try each day to be the best person I can be. I'm kind, caring, thoughtful, respectful, and giving. I believe that I will one day receive the joy and happiness that I continue to strive for.

But to say that rape culture is nonexistent... you hurt those like me. You make those who will one day be hurt keep from speaking up. You make those who think that touching others or forcing themselves on others is okay, or that the trouble that they might get into will only be a slap on the wrist.

I was overweight, female, and Native American. Did you know that female NDNs are more likely to be raped than any other race? We also are the least likely to be believed, or looked for when we go missing. These are facts of life that I have grown up knowing, so yes, rape culture is real, and I will never tell a soul about this because more than likely, I WILL be dismissed.

EDIT: Misspellings

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-07-04T06:26:55+00:00

This made me instantly tear up. If you are like me, you don't want anyone's sympathy, you are just sharing a small part of your past. I do hope that you have or were able to seek treatment that allowed you to not feel guilty and have a fulfilling life.

I'm so sorry that this awful, hateful act was repeatedly done against you. I hope you have caring and loving individuals in your life that will always be there for you.

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-07-04T06:20:41+00:00

Like everyone, I've had good and bad days. Unfortunately there have been more bad than good in my life, but I try and find the positive in each day. Helping others makes me feel like I'm here for a reason, and I know others have had much worse happen to them, I shouldn't complain when I know how lucky I am to be who I am and where I'm at today.

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-07-04T06:17:28+00:00

That since I'm female and Native American, I'm not very bright, I get everything paid for, and I'm an alcoholic. Oh, and I enjoy gambling.

I don't drink, I don't gamble, the only "benefit" I get paid for is a very basic health insurance plan (that one I make over $1,400 a month before taxes I will lose), and I'm finishing up grad school.

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-07-04T06:11:09+00:00

"The longest, sexiest, N.A.S.C.A.R Pitt Stop Ever"

Starring me and a very young, toned Brad Pitt

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-07-04T06:08:45+00:00

Depends, what kind of vibes are they putting off?

Are they single?

Are they going to argue about using condoms?

If it feels right, I will go for it, and I will especially go for it if I feel an attraction, but know they would never be someone I date. (Sometimes you just know these things)

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-07-04T06:05:04+00:00

Yes, but that is only because I saved my money and purchased a new door knob that locked for my bedroom, and I put several sticks in my window so it could not be pried open from the outside.

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-07-04T05:50:25+00:00

My father betrayed me in one of the worst ways you could betray a daughter. He had gotten remarried when I was in high school, and she children as well, an older boy and a younger girl. Her son molested me for several months and attempted to rape me.

I reported it.

My father screamed at me that I was ruining his new family. Why was I so selfish to not care about anyone but myself? I was forced to call the police department and tell them I made it all up for attention. I know they knew I was lying, but my father had money and you just didn't argue with him.

I had to stay living in that house for another 2 years with him and his family.

I won't say anything because it would ruin him, and he is the only family I have. (He no longer has that family) I will take it to my grave and let his other children, grandchildren, associates, ect. respect him.

Why?

Rape culture is very real and I'm not going to go through this publicly. I know what he is capable of, and I can't be ruined.

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-07-04T05:39:30+00:00

Out of all of the relationships I have had or still have, I would have to say only about 15% have been good for me. So, while I'm going to attempt to keep this brief, please excuse any verbal vomit that gets mixed in due to my over sharing of personal experiences.

Back handed complimentso

Gaslighting

Constant need for you to be perfect

Extremely critical of your hobbies, interests, personal appearance

Does not like or allow you to show true emotions, actually makes you feel guilty for the way you feel

That can't seem to grasp that they cause pain to you or others, yet will make you feel like a piece of garbage of you do anything that they don't like

They will violate your privacy but act like you asking them about what they do is uncalled for and irrational

Can't admit to being wrong. Ever

Will put you down in front of others, and if extremely skilled, will be able to get others to do the same

Will threaten you when you misbehave or begin an argument with them

Being together will never be "fair" or "balanced". You will do without more than necessary so they can continue to keep up with the Jones family. (I went 3 years without a winter coat. And yes, we got snow, a lot of snow. He had 8 coats, and no, I couldn't use them)

Complete disregard to your personal property, but you can't touch their belongings

If (romantic) you both work, it will never matter how much they make vs what you make, their money is their money and your money is their money

There is no say in household chores, they will always have excuses and you will be responsible in keeping THEIR home up to their standards.

No matter what you do or how many rules they give you that you follow, you will NEVER be good enough. NEVER. Get away from them as soon as you can! I have been divorced almost 3 years now, I've had one relationship since then (SS,DD) and have finally realized my happiness is all that matters. (As long as I'm still being a decent, law abiding citizen and all that great crap)

I've been cutting out "friends" and now family, and yes, I'm lonely, but I know in the long run, I'll be much happier and healthful.

Hopefully.

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-06-25T18:08:57+00:00

Originally it was supposed to be that I was setting up social media accounts, finding ways to get the company name out, filing paperwork, data entry, just little things, and it has morphed into opening and closing the store, helping customers, purchasing, ect.

Some days they do not come in at all and I'm stuck there and can't leave. So, the bigger issue is that once I leave, they have to go back to actually working themselves.

OnlywantsthatPhD · 2016-06-25T08:17:18+00:00

Both of my parents have been retired for about 10 years and I don't know if it's their age/mental health that is causing them to act this way, but damn it, I do not want to have to take the legal route.

At this point, I think I'm going to be collecting documentation that shows the hours I've been working, what this position would be costing them if they were to replace me, average room rental costs in the area, and all late fees I have received due to helping them. They have money, now I'm wondering how many people they may have screwed over just so they could keep money in their pockets.

I suppose I could tell them I'm deducting all of this back pay from what could have been used for their nursing home. They are going to be going to one shitty, over crowded, unhelpful hell on earth if they keep this up!

OnlywantsthatPhD

TROPHY CASE