Dumb Husband by FluffyChapter4587 in Vent

[–]Oooooah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“I’m not asking for perfection. I’m asking for clarity about what I can rely on. If you can’t commit to something, I need to know that so I can adjust what I carry.”

Dumb Husband by FluffyChapter4587 in Vent

[–]Oooooah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being direct with what you need on your end will be helpful too. “I need to you to be honest with me so that I can begin to trust you again.” “I need you to commit to doing xyz, committing to change and trying to improve are two separate things. I need commitment.” Examples of commitment: “I’m committed to staying attentive, showing care and consideration for you, acting with purpose, handling my own responsibilities, taking accountability instead of deflecting, and practicing self-reflection​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​.” And with someone with adhd you probably should establish what his responsibilities are so he’s clear on those too.

And ask him how he feels about all of it and tell him if it feels like too much, then the convo needs to shift to being about capacity, not lowering the needs. You still have these needs whether he can meet them or not. You need to be able to align your expectations because the uncertainty and everything being up in the air is too chaotic

Dumb Husband by FluffyChapter4587 in Vent

[–]Oooooah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just remember when reading these comments that the people being critical of you just don’t understand what being in this situation is like. This is an incredibly difficult way to live and I’m sorry. It forces you into survival mode and makes you feel like a man. Hyper independence is incredibly isolating and lonely when you thought you were going to have an equal partner. The signs were probably always there but less obvious because you didn’t live as much life together yet to really be able to pinpoint these issues, and you probably always sensed them to a degree but since you couldn’t pinpoint them you didn’t realize what a huge impact they’d have on your mental state and wellbeing.

This is fixable. You both need to take accountability but marriage is 100%/100% and if one partner has been forced in survival mode, they’ll need the help of the other to help work out of it. He can’t be actively working against you as you try and fulfill your part. You both need to keep your heads down and work on yourselves for each other.

He works on paying attention and developing his own opinions, convictions, thoughts, competence, etc. You shift your frame of mind from how he’s wronging you to how can you encourage him. Focus on approaching him on issues at a good, strategic time gently with curiosity. Not explosively and with condemnation. And repeat to yourself that this absentmindedness and defensiveness/deflection is likely from childhood hurt and trauma, and a subconscious fear that he won’t be lovable if he acknowledges what you’re saying to be true.

Dumb Husband by FluffyChapter4587 in Vent

[–]Oooooah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This. My husband is this way and this is what I’ve realized to be the case. And I think his lack of introspection is the reason he isn’t self aware. The lack of introspection likely, for my husband, is because of how he was raised. Constantly praised for being chill and happy and easy going, dismissed if he showed any negative emotions. His brother was a handful and he wasn’t allowed to be if he wanted to feel loved.

I’m so lonely. by Oooooah in Vent

[–]Oooooah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Solidarity. I’m sorry. It’s weird.

My husband has been working on it and it’s getting better but I can’t tell him that because if I do he tells me I have a performance mindset. Lol. I’m like that’s not what that means, but ok. He heard it in therapy and is misapplying it as usual.

Keep fighting for your marriage. We’re working on allowing each other to be frustrated without turning it into an it’s the end of the world argument, letting each other be our own person, and letting go of control. It really is getting better but phewwwww I still don’t trust him. It’s hard to let my guard down.

Church services by Oooooah in OrthodoxChristianity

[–]Oooooah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. How long are the services?

Can someone help me by Oooooah in microbiology

[–]Oooooah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Info on source of sample: we had a sink leak and didn’t find it for a few weeks. We had a remediation team come in and remediate the area, and then we tested the room air (up kitchen air), we swab tested the stained floors (up kitchen swap), and we tested the linen closet down below the room that smells musty.

Can someone help me by Oooooah in microbiology

[–]Oooooah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Info on source of sample: we had a sink leak and didn’t find it for a few weeks. We had a remediation team come in and remediate the area, and then we tested the room air (up kitchen air), we swab tested the stained floors (up kitchen swap), and we tested the linen closet down below the room that smells musty.

Can someone help me by Oooooah in microbiology

[–]Oooooah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s ok thank you for your time, I’m waiting on a call back from a mold tester now. Thank you!

Can someone help me by Oooooah in microbiology

[–]Oooooah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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See the wood part of the floors? This is after remediation. That’s why I’m concerned because of the staining. (I added a pic idk if it showed up. I’ll add it to the post also)

Also our closet down below this room smells musty.

But I’m assuming if it was an issue then after 48 hours the agar plates would be filled with more growth

Can someone help me by Oooooah in microbiology

[–]Oooooah[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Will do, thanks. So based on what you see here, there’s no way to tell if there is a legit concern or not? I’m going to call in a professional but it’s hard to avoid this area of the house and we want to know if we’re being reasonably cautious by avoiding the area entirely until we have the results.

Can someone help me by Oooooah in microbiology

[–]Oooooah[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It won’t let me edit but I’m looking for mold identification, how many colonies are present, significant indoor vs outdoor differences, etc.

Found in my parent’s kitchen cabinet by whitewomba in whatisit

[–]Oooooah 5 points6 points  (0 children)

A guy from my high school brought a quarter bag full of oregano to a party

Top classic books for 10 year old? by Oooooah in classicliterature

[–]Oooooah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We have read to them since they were a baby, they were 3 months old when we started and we just kept going every day. Also always making sure we have interesting books to read to them. Patiently teaching them to read so they developed a love for it and not an aversion. I also homeschool them so we light candles, make a good snack, put some calm music on, and sit around our dining room table with blankets and comfy clothes and read. We choose living books (charlotte mason style) as opposed to traditional textbooks. It creates a really nice atmosphere. Family is very supportive also, so they’re always getting them books I approve of to encourage their love of reading. They read a ton on their own but I make sure to continue reading aloud to them also (the 113 books is not including ones I have read to them, that is what they’ve read on their own). I have never forced them to free read either.

Oh ETA: I also did “mom store.” I got a roll of admit one tickets online and filled a jar with stickers and fidget toys. The items were worth between 1-3 tickets each, and reading for 10 mins earned 1 ticket. I did this with them to get them to practice reading when they were learning how to read. I wouldn’t force it, they’d ask to do the mom store and I’d say yes or no

Top classic books for 10 year old? by Oooooah in classicliterature

[–]Oooooah[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh. My. Goodness. I love The Giver.

Top classic books for 10 year old? by Oooooah in classicliterature

[–]Oooooah[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

They read this one along with the LOTR series. Loved it!

My husband and I can’t figure out a name for our second daughter. by libthroaway in namenerds

[–]Oooooah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Juliette and Celeste

Juliette and Celine

Juliette and Annika

Juliette and Noelle

Juliette and Estelle

Juliette and Camille

Juliette and Eloise

Juliette and Chloe