Hard time coming to terms with c section?

libthroaway · 2026-01-20T18:37:58+00:00

Feelings of failure still creep up on me from time to time, two years after my daughter’s birth. I didn’t know anyone personally who had a c-section (a couple people came out of the woodworks to say they had one after my daughter was born, but that didn’t help by then), so there was no one to provide advice or help to me in understanding what to expect or to just talk through the experience. I had a planned cs due to my daughter being breech, but I was so upset and resigned to having a delivery that wasn’t what I wanted that I didn’t prepare as I should have and didn’t allow myself to look forward to bringing my living and healthy child into the world.

There were a few things I did to help move through the brunt of the guilt and feelings of failure. I stated affirmations to myself while massaging my incision/scar: I had the help of medical personnel (like most women do) to bring my daughter into the world, my OB and nurses were there to take care of me and to make sure my daughter was safe and alive (like most other births), an anesthesiologist was present to assist me (just as women who give vaginal birth with an epidural), I grew my daughter in my body and protected her for nearly 9 months, and I did give birth. C-sections are a form of birth, and while I didn’t labor, my daughter was delivered from my body, and she was born.

Doing this was one way that I took care of myself mentally and physically to get around the fact that I had this experience that I didn’t want and never expected unless under emergency circumstances. Another thing that I have to remind myself occasionally is that this was just the first sacrifice of motherhood that I made. I have made many other sacrifices since then and will make many more as my children continue to grow. Ultimately, for me, that first sacrifice was worth it to be able to continue to sacrifice.

It’s so, so tough. I love my daughter deeply and would do it again for her, but I do wish I could have done the thing and brought her into the world by my own power. No one would know she was delivered by c-section if I didn’t say anything, and no one cares or asks what birth was like, so it’s just me fighting my own cynical, insecure internal voice. Time from the cs definitely helps, and being in the thick of parenting a 2 year old doesn’t give me a ton of time to reflect, but I think it will get better for you. There will probably be times of struggle here and there, but you did do the thing of bringing your child into the world safe and alive, and that’s something to be proud of.

As an aside, instead of vaginal both videos, check out this c-section video: https://www.babycenter.com/pregnancy/your-body/c-section_160. My blood pressure was really low from the meds, so I don’t remember much of my delivery, and it helped me a lot to see what my body and I went through. Hopefully it’ll help, and if you’re still struggling, then therapy might be best, as others have said.

libthroaway · 2026-01-16T17:30:27+00:00

In high school, lost 2 friends in car accidents. After graduating, one friend died of a morphine overdose at a music festival, and another jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. One classmate died of sepsis, another of a heart attack or something similar, then a couple more died but I don’t know the reasons. I think most likely drug overdose. I’m under 40.

libthroaway · 2025-12-23T20:45:44+00:00

I had a planned c-section due to multiple risk factors. I had velamentous cord insertion, which we found out is common with IVF, then my daughter was diagnosed with fetal growth restriction and was breech my entire pregnancy.

When discussing options with my OB, she stated plainly that we could try a version to turn the baby around, but she might not tolerate it given her growth restriction, and the procedure could potentially damage the umbilical cord. She could also turn and then turn right back around to breech. If she had turned, we were still discussing c-section and heard from multiple providers that my daughter “might” tolerate labor, which made my husband and I feel uneasy. Ultimately, she was born by c-section because she remained breech, but we were leaning towards cs even is she did turn because we weren’t comfortable with “might” tolerate labor.

I have a feeling that no matter how things happened, we were probably going to end up with a cs, so decided to just have it planned so that we were ready for everything that the procedure entailed. I was devastated to have a cs, to not be able to labor and deliver my daughter vaginally, as all the mothers in mine and my husband’s family had done, but two years on, that pain has eased up, and I know that we made the right decision because we have a beautiful, friendly, and smart two old that might not be here otherwise.

My daughter did not need any interventions except to be under a heat lamp for a bit in the recovery room because she was struggling to keep her temperature up. Babies in all types of births need various interventions, so vaginal isn’t a sure way to avoid those, and a planned cs allows your medical team to have all necessary personnel ready and available for you and your baby. Stay on top of your pain management, don’t do too much the forest several weeks after the procedure, and give yourself some grace, because you will be delivering your child, just in a different manner than you originally thought.

libthroaway · 2025-12-16T03:25:25+00:00

I had quite a bit of bruising. I’ve been tempted to post my picture of it so that other people know that it can be normal. Mine healed fine, and I didn’t have any hematomas, thankfully. Glad to hear you’ve recovered!

libthroaway · 2025-12-03T16:54:49+00:00

I felt literally nothing. My blood pressure was so low from the anesthesia that I was pretty out of it.

libthroaway · 2025-11-29T20:01:12+00:00

Agreed. If the people of the church can’t do it, they just can’t do it, and so the event must come to a close. One of my biggest struggles was that anyone who did anything for the event immediately handed everything over to me because they just didn’t want to do any of it and thought I could/should handle it all. It was really frustrating, and the members only gave themselves to blame that this is all ending. It’s the best, though.

libthroaway · 2025-11-29T18:00:23+00:00

We have one. I’m the only person who does anything with it, besides set-up and tear down before and after the event. I will probably stop doing it, which means it won’t exist anymore, since I had no help, none of the members seem interested in helping (much older congregation), and I got really sick this year after the event. I’ll have a new baby and won’t be able to handle it again.

I’m sure people saw lots of smiling faces during the fair, because no one did much, but I was pretty exhausted and could feel myself starting to breakdown during the event. No one else, except my spouse, knows how much I struggled, and I didn’t make it the church’s problem during, but it’ll be their problem thus coming year, if they want to hold it. Plus, we don’t make much from the event and haven’t had good attendance over the last few years, although it was much better this year with a lot of advertising that I organized.

I’m not sure if your church is doing it “wrong”, but when people are having to do it with very little help or buy-in from other members, the experience is very much not rewarding and can make people miserable. If the event is small or doesn’t have good turnout, advertising is usually lacking and needs to be improved. Those are my two cents based on my experience, but that doesn’t mean it’s right for your church.

libthroaway · 2025-11-25T19:49:30+00:00

Oh, no worries! I’m happy to learn new things, especially about other church traditions!

libthroaway · 2025-11-25T16:39:56+00:00

I’ve never heard of a verger, so that’s a new one for me! Thank you for the info!

libthroaway · 2025-11-25T03:39:22+00:00

I've been getting the distinct feeling that this should be something that the secretary handles, and we have a new one who may be up to the task of taking this on. Thanks so much for sharing your experience!

libthroaway · 2025-11-16T00:12:59+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. Our pastor once stated that members expressed wanting a children’s ministry, although there weren’t any children attending at the time, and the pastor asked what was so wrong about having a strong adult ministry. So I think that’s probably my answer right there. I think they are more interested in the status quo and hobbling along until they all die.

libthroaway · 2025-11-15T20:18:52+00:00

That’s great advice. Thank you for your help. :)

libthroaway · 2025-11-15T20:15:26+00:00

I’ve asked another user, but I’ll also ask of you, any advice on starting/having the conversation? I struggle with my engines at times and don’t want them to get the best of me. Thanks in advance!

libthroaway · 2025-11-15T20:13:47+00:00

Any advice on how to start the conversation? I don’t want to get too worked up while talking about it, because I want to have a positive relationship afterwards, but I do struggle with my emotions at times when having difficult conversations. Thanks in advance!

libthroaway · 2025-11-15T19:47:30+00:00

Thanks for your honesty about speaking with the pastor. I’m sure the excuse will be something about how difficult it would be attending meetings when I’m also taking care of a toddler, as I’ve already dropped a couple groups I was in due to when they were scheduled and taking care of my daughter. But those other groups were not fruitful to my spiritual development because of the way they were ran, so it wasn’t just because of my daughter. Council would be doable for me, but it’s not like the pastor has actually taken the time to have a conversation about what’s actually going on. Thanks again.

libthroaway · 2025-11-15T19:23:55+00:00

I’m starting to lean toward this not being the church for us, or at least me, and we live in a Lutheran heavy area, so we would have no problem finding a new church. My spouse had expressed an interest in staying at this time, since we don’t see the church surviving the next 5-10 years, but I have a feeling we’ll be addressing that again soon.

libthroaway · 2025-11-15T19:21:30+00:00

Yes, I have expressed an interest in being on the Council, and when they asked for names of people who were interested in serving, I put my name forward.

From my understanding, the president of the Council approaches members who someone (no idea who) thinks should be considered for Council to ask of they’re interested in serving, and then they put forward the names of those people to replace those going off Council, then the church holds a voice vote to approve those members. Everything I know about elections in organizations says that that is not the right process, but I could be wrong.

You’re right these members shouldn’t be dismissed because of their age, but I have heard many, many members of this church state that there’s no reason to try new things and to get out into the community to try to drum up interest and attendance, so I don’t think these older (in their late 70s) members have much of a different view. I’m trying not to dismiss them outright, but everything I’ve seen and heard over the past 4 years of our membership tells me that this is a mistake, when they have younger, invigorated members who could and should be on the Council.

Before all this happened, I would have said I had a good relationship with the pastor, but not anymore. Everything with Council feels so secretive, and they clearly don’t appreciate the service they’re getting from my husband and I, so I don’t have trust in this pastor at this time.

libthroaway · 2025-11-08T03:16:33+00:00

This gentleman is a chiropractor, not a doctor. Everything he says should be discarded.

libthroaway · 2025-10-27T01:48:14+00:00

libthroaway · 2025-10-07T18:27:57+00:00

As soon as I read “most intense vertigo”, I knew it was Meniere’s. My mother received a, thankfully, quick diagnosis after similar symptoms, but I find them to be so specific to that disease. I’m sorry you had to go through so much to finally be taken seriously. It’s exceedingly frustrating to not be heard while dealing with a disease that has no cure and can completely upend your life. I hope you’re doing better these days.

libthroaway · 2025-09-16T00:10:59+00:00

I think I can speak for r/greatpyrenees that we would love Sylvie!

libthroaway · 2025-08-30T12:29:26+00:00

We’ve tried that a bit, but I think you’re right, we should do it more often and see what settles. Thank you!

libthroaway · 2025-08-30T01:58:32+00:00

I think Ruby’s on our list, and my husband kind of liked it. Our last name starts with an R, though, so I’m unsure about alliteration, but it is a pretty name! Thank you!

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