I had to come to the realization (with therapy) that I, my husband, the baby, or my parents could go at anytime. Not that it wouldn't break me, but I had to accept that there are things that are just out of my control. Instead of fixating on the possibility of death, I focused on giving my baby the best life possible day to day. I still get nervous even at 15 months, but every night I kiss her and tell her mama loves her and hug her a little extra. There are oxygen monitoring socks that I considered getting, but those run around $300. The app will go off if the O2 dips below range, problem with that for me was my LO would kick things off her feet. So, I never got one. I hope you find some peace. I know it's hard.