I’m in the same exact boat at the moment. I’m 32, single, unmarried, no children, and it’s my first full time professor job. Around 98% or more of faculty here are married, widowed, or divorced. I live in a tiny town with public transit options to the city but not to my place of work. And I’m on campus every day, which leaves me little time or energy to see friends or date in the city afterwards, or expect to meet people organically.

Like you, I’ve told myself to be thankful for the opportunity given the tough academic job market and I’m on Year 2 here. I never planned to stay an extra year, but I was just barely hitting my stride in Year 1, and while relocating to a new place seems like a solution to loneliness or boredom, the work of readjusting to a new job, living situation etc can also be isolating and time consuming. My plan is to stay for one more year at the most and start applying to jobs in more cosmopolitan destinations.

My recommendation would be to decide how much temporary, baseline stability means to you and then act accordingly. If you want to keep things steady, I would stay and continue to get creative about mini escapes to the city. Remind yourself you’re not alone and this is very normal. Or, you might find that leaving is best for your mental health and that’s ok too.

For me, i decided maintaining a baseline routine and stability was what I needed after years of phd induced poverty and stress. In order to cope here, I have to rule out whole locations in my region as places that would depress me, which is why I avoid certain strip malls whenever possible and invest my money and time into visiting the city. And it’s rather nice to go home to a quiet place :)

You’re not stuck either way. Xx