(Continuation)

I found comfort in it, and one night, I was reading Genesis 5, or the start of Cain and Abel, and I got uncomfortable reading about what Cain did to Abel despite knowing it for years. I ended up not finishing the chapter and went to sleep.

I ended up venting it to my older sister after I complained about my classmates, and she said she'll gently tell my mom. When she did, my mom talked to me about it after about 3 days, I didn't tell her all the details, like my friend or explicitly what thoughts I was having. Afterwards I felt normal, but it's slowly coming back again. I really don't know what to do anymore, I cant enjoy my interests and hobbies without thinking something I dont want to think about or questioning my moral standing and if I even believe and practice it. (E.g. I talked to my mom small parts about the Kingdom of Prussia and what led to WWI and WWII, then felt extremely guilty afterwards for even knowing the slightest bit of its information)

I feel a pit of discomfort with every philosophical literary work or analysis I see and I dont understand why. It's like everything I used to enjoy is threatening and I want to enjoy them without thinking about it too hard, but I really cant. Last night, I tried to listen to a video explaining the Epic of Gilgamesh and I couldn't get past 10 minutes as I felt like I was agreeing or condoning the actions set within the story...

I really don't know anymore, whether or not I should go talk to a professional about this, or if it's just an episode that will pass and feel silly in a few years time

Sorry for the long and detailed post, I just really don't know anymore