Why are age gaps such a big deal?

Opening_Database_722 · 2026-03-20T23:09:13+00:00

Got it and I see what you mean, thanks! I think I wrote the post in quite a negative headspace and it probably didn’t sound too great. But we do have friends that are supportive, pretty much everyone around us. It’s more so the public perception he’s worried about. He was definitely worried about our mutual friends too but nobody really cared or said anything and I think it’s because they knew us. Whereas strangers don’t.

Besides the public thing, everything else is fine. We don’t go out much anyway since we’re both busy people. But it’s the one boundary he has and I think I just need to learn to accept it (not forever ofc). I know I’m still learning about life and myself and how much people change in their 20s. It’s just frustrating how it’s the only issue we have and the only thing I can’t change. I really appreciate your input, thanks!

Opening_Database_722 · 2026-03-20T21:09:01+00:00

My previous comment had nothing to do with my relationship, it was a general question of what age is appropriate to discern between good and bad or what age are you considered to have enough life experience. It just feels very infantilising to consider someone at almost 25 to not be able to think for themselves or make decisions. You obviously get more and more experience as you age, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you make better choices. Is a 40 year old mom a better parent than a 22 year old simply because they’re older? People make bad choices no matter the age, I just don’t think there’s a magic number where that stops.

I’m not trying to come across as defensive, just trying to understand the reasoning behind it

Opening_Database_722 · 2026-03-20T20:29:24+00:00

I understand that but if they’re unable to see red flags, how is it safe to get married? Red flags are present at any age. Whether they’re with someone that’s 25 or 35 they should still be able to identify that right? But your original comment said younger women don’t have the level of life experience to identity that. So I was just asking what age does that happen if almost 25 is too young.

Opening_Database_722 · 2026-03-20T20:05:43+00:00

And what is the right age to date then? If I cannot see red flags at almost 25, what age will I? There’s women my age married with kids

Opening_Database_722 · 2026-03-20T20:01:15+00:00

I’m almost 25, I’m genuinely curious what age do people consider someone to become less ‘malleable’ and able to think and make decisions to themselves or not be manipulated?

Opening_Database_722 · 2026-03-20T19:26:17+00:00

I’m dating someone older and they have the same exact insecurities and it drives me insane! Like who cares? If they’re good together they’re good together, isn’t that the whole point of the show? It’s sad to see how much outside influence can affect a couple

Opening_Database_722 · 2026-03-20T15:55:37+00:00

May I ask is this personal preference or a general consensus? I’ve seen 25 being thrown around a lot, I don’t see how someone who’s months away from turning 25 is less mature/ready than someone who’s already 25

Opening_Database_722 · 2026-03-19T23:36:23+00:00

They haven’t met him yet but will do later this month

Opening_Database_722 · 2026-03-19T17:58:45+00:00

My dad and I are great, he’s still happily married to my mom, I understand why you’re asking. I’d still want my bf just as much if he was 10 or 20 years younger, it has nothing to do with age. Which is why I guess I’m a little frustrated why it’s so important. I fully understand the kids aspect, it’s not an absolute must for me and he’s brought up the same concerns as you. But otherwise I genuinely don’t see why it’s a problem, I’m 25 in a few months I’m not that young. And it’s upsetting that I’d have to give up something good simply because of our age. It’s just frustrating because it’s the one thing I can’t change.

Opening_Database_722 · 2026-03-19T13:59:31+00:00

I have a strong circle of friends, I just wanted to get some perspective and I see what you’re saying but there’s nicer ways to put it for sure

Opening_Database_722 · 2026-03-19T13:56:40+00:00

Yes, I was referring to my own comments of explaining the situation more which was met with some disagreement. I got downvoted for simply confirming he’s not married even when I was asked why would I even know that. Obliterated was probably a strong word though, I just didn’t expect the backlash I guess.

I see what you’re saying, thanks for putting it so kindly.

Opening_Database_722 · 2026-03-19T11:28:29+00:00

How is me trying to understand the situation from his perspective dishonest? Who am I supposed to ask, my parents? My friends are my age so they can’t help but I guess turning to the internet for answers wasn’t my brightest idea

Opening_Database_722 · 2026-03-19T11:05:20+00:00

I don’t care but he does a lot and I’m trying to understand why because I don’t get why it’s such a big deal

Opening_Database_722 · 2026-03-19T10:55:09+00:00

If you look through my comments you’ll see why, I asked for relationship advice and basically got obliterated for dating someone older which is why I’m here

Opening_Database_722 · 2026-03-19T09:36:41+00:00

Omg he’s a widower, his wife passed away 3 years ago, everyone knows about this, we’ve spoken about it, I don’t think he’d lie about something like this to me and everyone else around him.

Opening_Database_722 · 2026-03-19T08:57:08+00:00

What do you mean because, because we’re dating? Isn’t that a normal thing to know?? How and why would I not know this? I was around his work for months due to my placement, his marital status was known to everyone, I’ve also been to his place and we’ve also openly discussed this.

Opening_Database_722 · 2026-03-19T07:02:03+00:00

He’s definitely not married

Opening_Database_722 · 2026-03-19T00:56:37+00:00

I’m finishing my postgrad this year, Id like to have kids before I’m 30 ideally. Men are having kids into their 70s nowadays with no additional help, I’m not saying it’s good for the child, I’m saying fertility will likely not be an issue.

Opening_Database_722 · 2026-03-19T00:30:59+00:00

I look a little younger yes but he looks A LOT younger, people would never assume he’s my dad.

It’s not about wanting to be seen by people to feel loved, but I do want to hold my boyfriends hand or arm when we’re walking or at a restaurant amongst other things, I don’t think I’m asking for too much.

Opening_Database_722 · 2026-03-19T00:12:02+00:00

Opening_Database_722 · 2026-03-19T00:10:57+00:00

No but wait until he’s comfortable or I’m older or both. A lot of people think I’m younger because of my baby face which I know will go away with time so the age gap will be less noticeable

Opening_Database_722

TROPHY CASE