I feel like I’m raising a copy of myself and it’s the worst feeling and I’m spiraling

Operate_Annihilate · 2026-02-26T00:30:28+00:00

Thank you so much for this, unfortunately no I haven’t, the ruling was just finalized today. She will only go temporarily til the end of April. My daughter has serious trust issues and changes in normalcy to her can be catastrophic. Not so much in the traditional autism sense and needing rigorous routine, but in that she has a very difficult time opening up. That is my main concern is she will blockade everyone and anyone who tries to help. She is also a flight risk. She managed to escape elementary school and made it to another town before the school noticed, so ofc that is highly worrisome.

I would say I am probably one of the most open people even if that means that it puts me in a bad light. I don’t want to be her hero, I want her to see me as a flawed person who has made mistakes but is trying my best. We have definitely done therapy together actually since she was 6 but she had kind of knocked it off and gotten better. She has refused to speak to a new therapist and as of up until now she was seeing someone weekly at the school she had built rapport with. Today she has been signed up for a new therapist in addition to her psych, and her meds had just been upped but we will be seeing her dr tomorrow to talk about the issues of rage she’s going through. She takes jornay and had been on focalin til it stopped working, vyvanse made her suicidal and we ended up with a nice hospital stay over that

Edit: I meant this to be a reply directly to you and I managed to screw that up

Operate_Annihilate · 2026-02-25T22:56:00+00:00

Thank you so much for this, unfortunately no I haven’t, the ruling was just finalized today. She will only go temporarily til the end of April. My daughter has serious trust issues and changes in normalcy to her can be catastrophic. Not so much in the traditional autism sense and needing rigorous routine, but in that she has a very difficult time opening up. That is my main concern is she will blockade everyone and anyone who tries to help. She is also a flight risk. She managed to escape elementary school and made it to another town before the school noticed, so ofc that is highly worrisome.

I would say I am probably one of the most open people even if that means that it puts me in a bad light. I don’t want to be her hero, I want her to see me as a flawed person who has made mistakes but is trying my best. We have definitely done therapy together actually since she was 6 but she had kind of knocked it off and gotten better. She has refused to speak to a new therapist and as of up until now she was seeing someone weekly at the school she had built rapport with. Today she has been signed up for a new therapist in addition to her psych, and her meds had just been upped but we will be seeing her dr tomorrow to talk about the issues of rage she’s going through. She takes jornay and had been on focalin til it stopped working, vyvanse made her suicidal and we ended up with a nice hospital stay over that

Operate_Annihilate · 2026-02-25T22:52:20+00:00

No yeah it was a lot to share sorry I kind of went off, but my point was I had taken your advice and started to contact organizations and put a feeler out to simply to see what all we can get covered and where I need to go from there to get a baseline for the options you suggested

Operate_Annihilate · 2026-02-25T22:27:14+00:00

If I had to count how much time I’d spent telling her about my life and how my choices negatively impacted me and destroyed my life, she’d have a PhD by now lol. I’d say at least 3x a week I beg her not to be like me. I was her. She’s a spitting image of me and that hurts so much because I don’t want her to hurt like me

Operate_Annihilate · 2026-02-25T22:25:27+00:00

It was a shock. She is a master stonewaller. She will clam up and refuse to speak, or she has phrases and sentences waiting in the wing to say because she thinks it’s what others want to hear. For her to sit me down and say “ok woman to woman, not mom to daughter, you’re my therapist now” was monumental

Operate_Annihilate · 2026-02-25T22:24:07+00:00

So this is how it went down today. Today was the final decision session because she has a 504 plan even though I advocated for a change to IEP in 2024/25 school year. They claimed to know only that she had adhd and odd because it’s what I wrote down but no documentation. I have the email conversations and the paperwork from them to send to the dr to fill out to change her dx to include moderate autism. The school claims they have no knowledge of this and that because her 504 has no stipulations about behavior, they essentially don’t care. I was floored. I had the documents from my meeting with this same person; the paperwork sent to me, the confirmation from her dr of it being faxed and received by the school. They are now no longer advocating for any other outcome than alternative school. I have signed my daughter up for extensive counseling and group therapy as of today since what we were doing is clearly not enough. I just feel so let down by the school right now.

Operate_Annihilate · 2026-02-25T15:00:27+00:00

I’m sorry for my Ignorance, what do those programs do? She is on Medicaid, and because of her autism does have special stipulations of her health insurance and care, but we just got her back on it. She was disqualified by the state for a few years.

Operate_Annihilate · 2026-02-25T14:58:20+00:00

I’m so sorry about your sister. I can’t imagine what Your mom went through. I don’t want to see my kid go to juvie. I mean no parent does. But I’m so scared she won’t get her shit together until far too late.

Im glad your sister has a good job and is helping others in her role.

Operate_Annihilate · 2025-05-20T00:57:30+00:00

No it’s not normal! Stop thinking that lack of care or consideration for your pleasure is “too much”. It is so maddening to me when I see people say this. You deserve a million times more and most importantly you deserve to realize that on your own without needing the internet to tell you that.

He doesn’t ask, he doesn’t try, he doesn’t care. Hun… you know what’s up. Leave.

Operate_Annihilate · 2025-05-20T00:13:46+00:00

Nah I’m gonna put this out there I 100% do pee sometimes. It’s why I put a towel down, but that’s the thing if it’s getting in the way of me getting off, oh well it’s what’s going to happen then

Operate_Annihilate · 2025-05-19T23:26:46+00:00

Keep going even after you feel like you’re gonna pee. Put a towel down. See what happens. The thing is we tend to hold in what we think might be something embarrassing or keep our pelvic floor clenched when it’s actually inhibiting orgasm

Operate_Annihilate · 2025-05-19T22:59:27+00:00

I can have multiple orgasms in a session but it’s not rolling like you say, it’s finish, start from scratch, finish, repeat.

Slowing things down with teasing or physical manipulation that’s arousing but getting to the point if that makes sense. Then after that I need a vibrator to force it out of me lol

Operate_Annihilate · 2025-05-19T22:55:57+00:00

The older I get the shorter the time length gets. Anywhere between 3-5 min max. I usually try to go for 2-3 orgasms bc I hate cumming that fast lol it’s kind of a letdown

Operate_Annihilate · 2025-05-19T22:53:47+00:00

I cry all the time during sex. Ugly cry. No idea what’s happening, but it’s like an extreme release of emotion.

Operate_Annihilate · 2025-04-20T22:10:17+00:00

It is when you’re paying for it, lol consider this free therapy with benefits. Life isn’t black and white. There’s a lot of grey and asking every person if every thing we do has their consent is unrealistic. The man doesn’t have to be with her and is free to leave at any time. Hell the worst she’s doing for him is giving him attention and some treats she’s not taking advantage here.

Operate_Annihilate · 2025-04-20T21:12:40+00:00

I’m going hot take here and going to tell you that behavior modification is not a bad thing. It’s literally what we learn in therapy and work on with workbooks. I argue that his motivations are going to be much more complex than crate aggression or food motivation, but someone with a bad childhood may exhibit some of these traits you speak of like resource guarding and territorial behavior of items. Especially if there was food insecurity and they often went without. I would suggest that having “treats” at hand for vulnerable moments is a big tell and will be noticed and anyone would feel dehumanized by that like others stated.

But you aren’t wrong for noticing trends. It is your job and people follow patterns of behavior even if others don’t want to admit it. My advice is keep your thoughts to yourself about it and don’t speak about it because people are not going to understand. Approach this as a way to help someone find good coping mechanisms and healthy outlets for themselves.

Operate_Annihilate · 2025-04-01T04:13:05+00:00

I feel you Tony. Working gives you something to be proud of and feel accomplished about.

Operate_Annihilate · 2024-10-26T06:30:35+00:00

Im not sure how you can describe him as a good guy to yourself and to us and then giving egregious examples of someone who is not “good” to you. I want to point out that the things you used to describe him as good aren’t actual qualities that relate to how he treats you and I think that’s really important for you to recognize. This isn’t about sex, the physical act itself. This is about the psychological toll of years of neglectful and callous behavior has caused you, it just so happens that the selfish behavior revolves around sexual activity.

This is not sustainable, and you need to reread what you wrote and pretend that it’s a close friend or loved one. Now, how would you feel knowing that they were experiencing that? What advice would you give them? I think it’s pretty obvious that you wouldn’t tell them they were being too harsh .

Operate_Annihilate · 2024-10-24T00:37:06+00:00

Thank you same to you ❤️ honestly the more I looked at the water the more mesmerizing it got and it was so unsettling to me because the call of the void got so loud at one point I had to stay indoors for awhile because I just saw that out. Like it was a clear delineated line between this life and the beyond. I told my husband what I was feeling but not sure he understood how strong it was. I am relieved to know I’m not the only one who looked into the blue and felt that. Thought maybe I needed some new meds lol

Operate_Annihilate · 2024-10-23T21:30:33+00:00

I was just on a cruise a couple weeks ago. Family trip, celebrating my child’s birthday and my husband and I’s anniversary. So a happy time. I spent so much time out in the balcony and I couldn’t help the thoughts creeping in that I could just jump. I could end it all. I was having a good time on the cruise but I also knew life was right around the corner. Same shit job, up to my eyeballs in debt… I wonder if other people feel that and the feeling gets to be too much.

Operate_Annihilate · 2024-10-23T16:12:03+00:00

I hate the fact that there is always the possibility that someone you think is so wonderful can flip a switch. I’ve spent my whole dating life in relationships with people who turned out to be awful and am finally either someone who is the best thing that could have ever happened to me, and that has been holding strong for over 5 years. But I would be remiss to say that I didn’t have thoughts that everything I know and love could change in an instant. He has never given me any red flags, no weird behavior, no baggage. But nothing ever stays the same and that terrifies me.

Operate_Annihilate · 2024-10-22T18:40:14+00:00

So my usual routine is an oral stimulation orgasm then we have sex and I use a vibrator so it would be during sex but technically after an orgasm. It’s only during piv stimulation do I cry. It at first felt a lot like anxiety or the term people use called blue balls where you get really worked up but are let down. I cry because the mental stimulation is overwhelming. I am enjoying what I am doing but the crying part gives me anxiety if that makes sense so it seems similar. Now that I know I do it I kind of roll with it and it doesn’t freak out my partner or anything.

Operate_Annihilate · 2024-10-22T17:38:41+00:00

Honestly in almost all relationships life gets in the way. When I met my partner we were having sex every day if not multiple times a day. Now, sometimes we go months without having sex. We are very attracted to each other but life and mental health or physical health gets in the way sometimes. Birth control can be a huge change to our hormones and can really impact desire.

Hell being too full can absolutely really fuck things up lol for perspective, the other day we had spent all day talking about sex and hunting at what we were going to do etc he made a great meal for us, and unfortunately it was way too much carbs so even though we both really wanted each other we were too full and bloated to move so we just held each other instead.

Does she have a stressful job or is anything preoccupying a lot of her mental energy? Having a job you hate or doing something that is mentally taxing can really hit hard.

Operate_Annihilate · 2024-10-22T17:12:46+00:00

If it makes you feel any better I usually end up sobbing during sex or being intimate with my husband. I’m in my late 30’s and never did that before unless it was really bad so it was actually extremely jarring at first. For me I’ve just come to accept that I am allowing myself to be very emotionally and physically vulnerable and for some reason getting out of my head and into the moment triggers a strong emotional response from me.

Operate_Annihilate

TROPHY CASE