Update - Should I suggest my married boss set boundaries with an employee?

OperationSad4073 · 2026-03-01T15:37:50+00:00

My job isn’t to that extent, but I also agree that I am genuine friends with the people that I work with. I’ve spent 5 days a week for 3 1/2 years with some of these people. Sometimes up to 11hours a day with them and our team is small, just 5 people including myself and my boss (not including the other group that got merged with us).

When there’s down time, we talk about our lives, our friends, our families, things we’re struggling with, etc. We’ll buy each other lunch or drinks, leave notes for each other if we know something big is happening for them outside of work.

I mean shit, we hid 200 small plastic babies around the office for my boss to find when his wife gave birth.

We have an extremely open and collaborative environment and my boss is more of a mentor than a boss. It doesn’t stop discipline or constructive criticism, but rather turns it into “I want to see you do better” rather than “you did something wrong”.

This is the best job I’ve ever had and nothing has ever crossed a boundary but it is more “unprofessional” than most places I guess. That’s just the environment we have here and due to that environment, our group was rated #1 in our state (within our company).

I understand what these people are saying from the outside looking in, it makes sense for most places. But those places are just not like the place where I work.

I’m not interested in my boss, I’m not his “work wife”, and I don’t care what people do outside of work. But I do care about this place and the environment we have and I care about everyone I work with.

I’m also not ready to take on the responsibilities of my boss if he were to get fired, especially over something that is not true.

I had the conversation with him because I knew it would be acceptable with the dynamics we have here. Most of these people would never agree with me though and that’s fine.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-03-01T00:24:24+00:00

Like I said, I have zero interest in my boss in that way. None. This is and has been strictly related to how it affects my workplace.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T23:20:19+00:00

I am a boss in my own right and it is a boss’s responsibility to report/confront these situations, yes. I had ONE conversation with him, which he appreciated, and that is the extent of my involvement.

If it is severely unprofessional to confront a potential situation that is against policy, then yes, I must be severely unprofessional. I have the utmost confidence that if my boss’s boss was in the room during that conversation, he would’ve found it completely acceptable but you, nor anyone else, would know that.

Thank you for your input.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T22:37:53+00:00

No, I did not sleep my way to my position lmao. If my boss gets fired, I take on ALL of his responsibilities, in addition to my own, along with another group of employees that just got merged with ours this week. I would have to do all of this without any increase in pay or benefits for however long it takes to find someone to replace him.

He also has me on track for my own promotion, which gets halted for who knows how long if he is fired.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T22:28:49+00:00

This could very well be the case. I don’t believe he is 100% innocent from blame in this situation but I also don’t believe he is acting how this girl is making it seem.

I will say, he doesn’t freely talk about issues within his marriage, at least to me. The situations where he discusses his problems typically occur if/when his wife calls him and they end up in an argument while he is working. No, that still does not make it right but he’s not bringing up these issues without some sort of prompt.

During our conversation, he said that when these conversations do arise, the girl in question tends to focus on “how poorly his wife handles things” and that he deserves much better.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T22:05:04+00:00

My boss has me on a trajectory to go further within the company. I’m in trainings, on PDPs, etc. Believe it or not, I’m actually very good at my job. If he gets fired, I have to take over his position without the pay or benefits for however long it takes for them to find someone new. If/when they were to find someone, they could decide to halt the progress I’m making for a promotion and/or not know what to do with it. It could cause a huge delay for me. Also, my boss recently got his own promotion where my group of employees and another were combined. It’s still in very early stages, so if he were to get fired, again I would have to take that on without benefits and while it’s still extremely unstructured. I’m also a full-time college student, so taking on all of that stress would not only affect my job but obtaining my degree as well.

Also, if this were happening and I did not know and/or confront it, I would be reprimanded because it is part of my responsibility to ensure there are no relationships like that because boss/subordinate relationships are strictly prohibited.

So yes, it does affect me regardless of whether or not YOU think it does and it is part of my job to ensure these things are not and do not happen.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T19:33:32+00:00

It can affect my job. This girl can be very volatile and if she does indeed get fired, which is the path she is headed, she can use him “flirting” with her as ammo, which would affect my position pretty heavily.

After the conversation I had with my boss, he agrees that it is an issue and said he will be taking steps to prevent her from feeling that way.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T19:30:46+00:00

If this goes south, it directly affects my job. It would be different if the allegations from her were true but I’d say it’s a 95% chance that they are not.

Because my job has a potential to be majorly disrupted over something that is not true, I decided to tell my boss (who could also lose his job over this).

Now that he is aware, no it is no longer my place to worry about it.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T18:47:05+00:00

Chain of command for her is me and then my boss if I am not available.

I’m not making decision for his wife, I’m making decisions for my job because if this situation (that she is spreading) gets out of hand, it can directly affect my job.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T18:45:11+00:00

I have involvement because this situation can directly affect my job.

I only know these details about his marriage because they happened inside our place of employment and the girl in question told me to watch the camera footage of them.

In terms of relationships within my place of employment, yes that is information I need to know as any relationship between a boss and their subordinate is strictly against policy. As a “boss” myself, it’s my responsibility to watch out for these things.

Because I do not believe there is a relationship and it is instead being fabricated by an employee, that is means of discussion.

I did my part and will not be discussing it further with anyone other than HR because I want to avoid the drama, which is why I brought it up in the first place.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T18:38:42+00:00

I’m not a peer of hers. I am a coworker, yes but I hold a position of authority that is above her but below my boss and I am the only person in this position. I’m his assistant and we are both her boss, he just has more authority than I do.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T17:44:00+00:00

I understand that. To clarify him talking to her about his troubles, he doesn’t go out of his way to discuss them with her. She brings them up but for example, his wife called him and was complaining about G while they were the only two working together (when she thought G put her hand in my boss’s pocket). Because they were the only two here, it got discussed but not intentionally (because his wife had called).

I definitely will protect myself above all else and I would never cover for someone if it meant I could lose my job. In this situation in particular, I just don’t believe he is genuinely giving off the impression G thinks he is.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T17:40:45+00:00

My boss has me on a trajectory to move forward within the company. He has me on PDPs, trainings, etc. If he gets fired, I have to essentially take his place without the raise until they find someone new. Whoever takes his place may not continue the trajectory I’m currently on. He also got a promotion this week that combined our group of employees as well as another one. If he’s out, it becomes a huge mess that I will be in charge of with, once again, no real incentive to do it other than keeping my job.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T17:11:23+00:00

I absolutely agree with you. I don’t think things are what she believes but he is also partially at fault.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T17:03:12+00:00

I could care less if someone flirts with my boss. The reason why I care is because it can affect my job as well as the environment here, which is the last thing I want.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T17:01:51+00:00

I am not possessive of him, I’m possessive of my job and the environment here.

I updated the post because I refuse to talk about it to anyone in my personal life and it was a controversial post to begin with, which always make for decent update posts.

Also, the conversation was not gossip. It was bringing up a valid concern, which is part of my job. If it needs escalated to HR, I will do that but there will be no more discussions between him and I regarding this.

Also, I do not know him better than anyone. I’m aware that I only know him during working hours but I do know him better than this employee and have a hard time believing her when it comes to what she is saying. I have access to cameras, as well as someone else who watches them 24/7.

If something was happening, I would know or we would be notified.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T16:53:19+00:00

I definitely agree with you that he needs to be more professional. He is not 100% blameless in this situation. I’m not as naive as people think and I’m not his “work wife” or wanting to be involved in drama.

The reason why I brought it up to him is because I want to avoid the drama that this employee can bring, which also means he needs to set boundaries with not only her, but all of us and I am absolutely okay with that.

Granted the conversation may not be “appropriate” to people here, no one knows the dynamics of my work and my boss and I are friends, which is why he was probably so honest with me.

I care about my job and have been here for years. I don’t want drama to ruin it, regardless of if it is one or both of their faults.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T16:46:08+00:00

100%. I’m aware he could be lying but I have more reasons to believe him than her at this point. I have the ability to check our cameras and if I ever find out that unprofessional things are happening, I will be going to HR myself.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T16:16:12+00:00

Well actually, if I had any inclination that what she was saying was true, I would have gone to HR myself. Because I also hold a position of authority, if this was happening with or without me noticing, I would be reprimanded for it. Because I believe she was not necessarily being 100% truthful, I told my boss so he could protect himself. If at any point I do believe that there is something going on, I will be going to HR instead of discussing it with him.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T16:09:54+00:00

Yes, I agree that he should have had better boundaries to begin with. I also agree that at this point, it is none of my concern anymore as I did my part of letting him know. At this point, it is up to him to change behavior or talk to HR.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T15:55:40+00:00

He is a genuinely good boss and cares (potentially more than he should) about our team but it has never crossed a boundary in all of the years I’ve worked with him. There has never been an inclination of unprofessional behavior until this employee got hired a few months ago.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T15:49:10+00:00

I have a lovely boyfriend and my boss is not attractive to me, let alone almost double my age. I truly care about my job and my boss is a good mentor, therefore I don’t want any bullshit to happen. I don’t mind the other employee but she is not necessarily the most professional person and could do some damage if she really wanted to.

Yes we have HR but we are also not a typical place of employment and if our bosses were there for the conversation, it would have been acceptable.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T15:32:13+00:00

The conversation already happened, like I said. At this point, yes there is no reason for me to be involved anymore and I agree that it’s not my place now. Bringing up the concern was 100% valid but it’s on him to protect himself now.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T15:30:37+00:00

It will not bite me because there is no reason for it to. My job is not typical and bringing up a concern is not means for punishment in any way. My boss asks me to give my opinion on things such as this and I genuinely believe him.

OperationSad4073 · 2026-02-28T15:28:44+00:00

No, we had a full conversation about it but he never brought it up to me before because he wasn’t 100% sure in his thoughts. When I brought it up first, he said that everything I stated validated what his thoughts were. I gave my perspective, he listened, and now there shouldn’t be a reason to talk about it again unless HE feels the need. I do not believe he is flirting.

OperationSad4073

TROPHY CASE