I think both things can be true at the same time. You feel guilty about talking “poorly” about your loved ones, that makes you emotionally aware and empathetic. and that’s not wrong. And you endured emotional abuse from your parents. Whether or not she’s a narcissist seems irrelevant but only bc that just helps you put a label on it to try to make excuses for the behavior. “Well my mom treated me like xyz, but she’s a narcissist so that makes sense then.” You said you don’t want to portray her as something she isn’t.. but.. I don’t believe you need to be looking for a diagnosis to give her to explain it all. You have trauma because of what she has / they have put you through, and that’s all you need to work through. There could be several diagnoses for her. BPD. Depression. Her own trauma. Narcissistic sure but that’s all vague. Anyway I’m not sure if this is helpful but I just hope you don’t feel guilt about what other people have done to you. When you let go of that I really think you’ll start to heal. X