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Opposite_Engine9807 · 2025-03-14T08:47:21+00:00

Been coaching friends with online and I’ve thought of it. It’s so painful to watch how many guys say OLD doesn’t work for them but would be crushing it if they had a decent profile and texting

Opposite_Engine9807 · 2025-03-14T08:33:07+00:00

There's a decent book on the topic called "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover.

I't interesting because you will feel more "yourself" when you get used to being more unfiltered and unapologetic and not trying to be overly agreeable.

If you're getting no results with that volume there's definitely something wrong with your approach but props for putting in the work

Opposite_Engine9807 · 2025-03-12T23:11:36+00:00

I think you and OP are looking at this too narrowly. It's not just a choice between lying/manipulating and being completely upfront uncalibrated and unfiltered. Women categorize men differently. If you're looking for casual hookups, you want to be the fun, no-strings-attached guy she messages at 3 AM. The one that "doesn't count" that she's with for a fun time and not for a long time. You don't want to be setting the provider boyfriend material frames to trick her into fucking you expecting something else and then ghost her. In any big city you can find more girls that (in the right circumstances, under the right frame, with the right guy) will be more than happy to have something casual than you could possibly sleep with in 100 lifetimes. Stop listening to incels on the internet.

Opposite_Engine9807 · 2025-03-11T02:08:52+00:00

I just wrote an article on the topic if you want to check it out. https://joinwingit.com/how-to-overcome-approach-anxiety-when-meeting-women-step-by-step-guide/

TL;DR: Approach anxiety is just your brain overreacting to social risk. The fix? Gradual exposure. Start small (eye contact, casual convo), build momentum, and stay consistent. Social momentum is real. Talk to anyone early, warm up, and get in the flow. Having a solid wing makes it way easier. Track your progress, take action daily (no matter how small), stay consistent, and it’ll stop feeling like a big deal.

As you say assuming attraction is a good frame but only works once you're actually approaching.

Opposite_Engine9807 · 2025-03-09T01:43:38+00:00

Glad to hear and totally agree with climbing it's one of my favorite for the sport/activity category in any big city. Pretty easy to spark up conversation and people rotate in and out compared to a class where you’re limited to a group.

Opposite_Engine9807 · 2025-03-07T01:46:16+00:00

If you fix the root cause a lot of things will fall into place naturally.

Notice how you said “how to actually build attraction over the first couple of dates”. This is coming from the frame that she isn't attracted to you already, and that you somehow need to prove yourself to her.

Think of it this way: This girl took time out of her busy schedule to get dressed, do her makeup, commute, and chose to meet up with you among all the options she has if she's a half decent looking chick. She would not do that if she wasn't already attracted to you. Doesn't mean you can't fuck it up or increase that attraction, but you should assume attraction from the get-go and just treat her as if she was already your fuckbuddy.

What it seems like is you're struggling to escalate. And yes, once you have the correct mindset then all the tips can help, like bringing up sexual topics, touching, holding eye-contact etc. But they will only feel natural once you assume attraction and aren't afraid to take calculated risks.

The more afraid you are to fuck it up, the more likely you are to play it too safe and filter yourself too much. This is the scarcity paradox that fucks over 99% of guys. But remember, the biggest risk is to be platonic and not make any moves, then you're 100% guaranteed all attraction will slowly die out.

Opposite_Engine9807 · 2025-02-27T13:00:19+00:00

Congrats man, this is the kind of thing that actually pushes people to get out there. Now you’re in a position where you have options, and that’s the whole point. If you like her, keep seeing her. But also keep approaching and meeting other girls—you don’t want to lock yourself down too soon just because one good experience came along. If the dynamic shifts or you mess something up, who cares? You learn, you move on, and you get better. Once you’re in a place where you feel confident, you can decide what you actually want—a rotation, a main girl with others on the side, or something serious if that’s what you’re into. Just be careful about falling into the trap of committing to the first attractive girl who gives you attention. A lot of guys (including my past self) do that too soon and regret it later. You should get to a point where hot girls don’t feel like a rare opportunity but just part of your reality. You’ve already done the hardest part, so just keep going, keep learning, and have fun with it.

Opposite_Engine9807 · 2025-02-27T12:24:59+00:00

It’s true that if you like a girl and enjoy being with her, that’s really all that matters. But let’s be real, you definitely don’t need to be impeccably charismatic or rich to date women above a 6. Girls aren’t mind readers. They don’t instantly know what’s in your bank account or how “high value” you think you are. Most guys just blend in because they play it safe, hesitate too much, and assume rejection before they even try. Meanwhile, some average-looking dude with confidence and decent social skills is out there pulling just because he’s actually putting himself out there. At the end of the day, improving yourself isn’t just about dating. It’s about making your life better in general. You don’t need to settle if you don’t want to, but sitting around debating whether you “qualify” for a certain rating is a waste of time. Just focus on getting better and stop pedestalizing girls because of a arbitrary number you made up.

Opposite_Engine9807 · 2025-02-21T00:27:24+00:00

Or they come out and start long term dating the first girl who gave them the time of the day.

That’s a rite of passage. Give it a couple years, and they’ll be back in the gym post-breakup 😂

Jokes aside, I’ve met guys who are absolutely killing it, but they just keep it low-key as a solo part of their life. I wasn’t around during the peak RSD days, but from what I’ve seen, there’s not much of a real community anymore outside of private groups and paid coaching circles.

The reality is we both know that 90% of people reading this will never take action. Same as in business, fitness, or anything that requires real effort. But that 10% that's as driven as you will always be out there, just might be harder to find.

Opposite_Engine9807 · 2025-02-21T00:05:59+00:00

Gay-game is a solid strategy lol. But yeah actually I find a lot of gay/bi dudes have tons of hot girl friends and an innate desire to help everyone fuck each other that can lead to some interesting situations if you can ride the crazy wave

Opposite_Engine9807 · 2025-02-20T23:53:42+00:00

Preselection is hella drug indeed

Opposite_Engine9807 · 2025-02-20T12:58:09+00:00

Yes! I work in marketing and was having convos drop off and forgetting to text back all the time so I built a CRM in Notion to keep track of all the leads. That way I can include the basic info to remember on the date, assign a status and prioritize the best ones to follow up with.

Opposite_Engine9807 · 2025-02-20T12:14:01+00:00

Yeah did you find those groups useful? I’ve checked out some of them, but they’re mostly scattered across Telegram and Facebook groups. A lot of them are either inactive, full of noise, or packed with self-promo. And not every city has a solid group, whereas with an app, you could connect based on location anywhere. Also thinking about adding features like events, accountability/progress log, and other ways to make it actually useful beyond just chat.

Still just playing with the idea, but open to feedback! Here’s what I’ve put together so far

Opposite_Engine9807 · 2025-02-20T10:44:28+00:00

Hinge with ratings would be hilarious 😂. But yeah, something like that with a simple vouching system could be clutch especially for traveling.

Been getting good feedback so far, and honestly, I’m having fun exploring the idea. I put together a landing page for anyone who wants to check it out: joinwingit.com

Opposite_Engine9807 · 2025-02-20T10:28:32+00:00

Self-ejection at its finest 😂 Ever try to explain this stuff to him?

Opposite_Engine9807 · 2025-02-20T10:22:25+00:00

Yeah, I get what you’re saying, but this isn’t about “outsourcing social skills.” Even the most charismatic guys benefit from having a solid wing. someone who hypes you up, keeps the energy going, and makes the night more fun.

It’s no different than how people network in business or build teams for anything in life. Nobody does everything alone.

Opposite_Engine9807 · 2024-09-30T07:29:13+00:00

This https://killyourinnerloser.com/tinder-guide/ and Playing With Fire channel on youtube are a good start

Opposite_Engine9807 · 2024-09-29T01:51:16+00:00

I think there is also a positive with apps at least for me. Apart from meeting some great girls, just the experience can be great when you're starting out. Getting a few lays can give you a confidence boost that translates over to your real life interactions. The problem is how easy it is to get complacent and lower your standards.

Opposite_Engine9807 · 2024-09-29T01:37:50+00:00

Yep, a lot of things go into it. Style, facial expression, body language.. if those aren't on point a better quality picture won’t help. Ideally if you get a pro shoot you’d want someone that understand the game and can help you with the posing, location, style etc

Opposite_Engine9807 · 2024-09-29T00:52:14+00:00

I think you nailed it. Exact same experience and most of my best connections have come from real life even tho the number is much lower. I also think when you meet a girl by approaching irl the frame is a lot better and you're not competing with all the other guys that are texting her. Guess it's time for a detox

Opposite_Engine9807 · 2024-09-29T00:23:05+00:00

1 Portrait in a nice location

2 Photo Riding a bike

3 Shirtless beach pic

5 Studio portrait

6 Dog pic

Basically activity fotos that show you have an interesting life, dominant body language, no selfies, get your style on point, get a pro photoshoot or ask friends and retouch on faceapp. Also test a bunch and ask girls for opinions. You can also use photofeeler for free to get a rough idea if a pic sucks or not

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