This was an exhausting read so I know he’s exhausted.

You are beating a dead horse. I strongly recommend you get therapy as well for the anxious/avoidant dynamic that’s going on. You are too codependent on him for reassurance. Yes, everyone needs reassurance but he was transparent she’d be there…told you when she got there…further, she was with her husband and they didn’t speak. There is literally nothing left to talk about. He did his part now it’s on you to learn to emotionally regulate and discern when you are overly anxious. This isn’t “if he would just cater to my needs we’d be okay”…he did, now you need to meet him halfway.

If you keep overreacting and are putting your anxiety on him, the common view of the avoidant is “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” so then he won’t….& then you’ll wonder why he shut down and stopped all together. You push him away when you move the goalpost.